emotional discipline - another perspective BPD

Thanks @Decadian what a loevely thing to say!

Thanks @Change123

Dec

I cant help but feel inspired after reading your post. What a wonderful and useful way of connecting with yourself and working on a daily task. -- I totally agree @Former-Member

This is great @Change123 xx

Hello @Decadian, @Former-Member, @Former-Member

Hi @Shaz51@Decadian@Former-Member@Former-Member@Former-Member@BlueBay

Hopefully this time the post will stay there been trying since this morning.

Weekend was good, me and my partner had slept for most of it - very very exhausted after all the crap with the sister. My partner told me more of his conversation with his mother, he told her for the first time that his sister had abused him when he was young. His mothers reply was "that was a long time ago cant you get on now?!" and that he is causing trouble.

I see what he has been up against with his family and I guess I know now why sometimes he has gone overboard with me. Doesnt make it right but I understand everytime he thinks he is losing control and this is why. He tells his mother something very very personal and terrible she says this?? He doesnt want to talk about it any more which is fine, he kept to himself most of the weekend in the shed but otherwise all is good between us.

I nearly made it through the weekend without breaching my disciplines but then Sunday night I found myself explaining why I was having a shower, as soon as I did I realised "your justifying again" and stopped. I was probably a bit more depressed on the weekend due to all this and I am feeling very bad for my partner - he doesnt deserve this. So I did get a little negative.

Disciplines for this week, dont justify (this definitely needs work) and no victim talk or negativity for work and home and another new one which I feel I need now is NOT TO SABOTAGE myself. Things are going good with my partner and this is the time I can sabotage so trying to be conscious of that as well.

Have a good week everyone!

I so wish I had discipline like you @Change123 but I don't.

I have noticed that since the house is on the market and I have been busy I haven't had time 'on my own to think' except today.

All the best for the week, looking forwrad to hearing from you on how you go this week. 🙂

OK I didnt do so good with rage at work, I have kept it in but I also had words with my bosses (owners).

Not sure if this is bad for rage but good for justifying.

As per my rage post, I'm trying to get pays started at the moment and the owner wanted me to type a letter, because I didnt DROP everything and said "I just need to finish this" and then will get it done he went off at me asking "why do I take so long for payroll as his wife never used to (but she has never done payroll only trasnferred via eft) so then I had to justify everything I do. After I done that I thought I should not have to justify why payroll takes me this long if they have no clue and my errors are just about zero, maybe 1 mistake during 2016 that was easy to fix. So I went into his wife's office where he was and said "why do I keep having to justify" as its not the first time you have said this. He said I dont want to talk about it now but I continued as he says this when he hasnt planned an attack. His wife than got shitty and said I was going to bring this up inyour performance review that you give too much priority to payroll????? I pulled my immediate boss into my office so I could speak privately to him and he has no idea what they are on about and said its probably something new thats annoyed her.

So I tried to stick upf or myself and not justify but I got mad instead!! Rage ceasing now but boy what is this test me and see how I cope?? I'm obviously still very sensative about the crap at work even though I keep telling myself "dont let them get to you":

Ontop of my other disciplines I have to ensure I dont take this home tonight and dont talk about it with my partner as I'm sure it will just cause a drama.

GGGGRRRR in the words of Kamal (dont know if any of you remember him) WHY ARE PEOPLE SO UNKIND!

One step at a time @Change123, my friend xx

Things are going good with my partner , this is good , be there for each other

My Hubby Mr Shaz finds our home his comfort zone , and I try to keepit that way -- sometimes it is hard but it takes time @Change123

Thanks @Shaz51

Yes I have to keep our home the same as I used to bring this home too much.

Fortunately going to shops on way home to cool down but just keep saying to myself its just a job, its just a job.....

I will not mention any of this tonight and will not show how this has pissed me off as I have more important things to put my time towards like my partner!

Boy and ya know I'm, fighting so hard to not justify why I have put "I will" but I think you know what I'm trying to do - NO JUSTIFYING....

Thanks @BlueBay

I will definitely have a drink but I just keep saying to myself that my relationship is not worth ruining for these stupid people.

Boy I just hit delete delete delete realised I was giving this crap too much attention and its not worthy of that.

Have a good night @BlueBay