emotional discipline - another perspective BPD

@Former-Member

Please post whatever you want here - we can learn from each other!

Thanks for the encouragement but if you can add to this please do!

@Former-Member@BlueBay@Former-Member@Former-Member

Just to confirm for the week my disciplines are:

no raging, no victim talk, keep calm and now not justifying unnecassarily to others!

Both for work and home.

Amazing work @Change123!

Over-justifying sounds hard as it's useful in the workplace and in certain situations but important to know when enough information will safice.

I also struggle with justifying myself too much, it's a hard skill to learn but I am starting to appreciate taking a step back and letting others talk rather than always filling the silence, I will also try my best to not justify myself as much this week!

Looking forward to hearing how you go!

Lunar 🙂

How do you learn @Former-Member how and when to justify. Do you have any other resources on it. It is something that affects my life a great deal. I'd love to come to terms with it too. What is it called when you justify yourself in a healthy way?

I just realised this should be on the other thread.

Hello @Former-Member, I'm ging to reply on the other thread so it makes more sense 🙂

@Former-Member@Former-Member@Former-Member@Appleblossom@Former-Member @BlueBay @Shaz51

OMG I have no idea why I'm so calm but thoroughly exhausted like I was a few days again. This sibling is an actual extreme dilusional narcassist and I'm not saying that as an insult she actually is. Since dealing with her for the first time in maybe 20 years - in the last few days she has managed to manipulate, lie and turn my partners mother (who is in a nursing home) against us. She has no soul and will not stop until she wins her objective - whatever that is (to destroy us I guess). She has manipulated and fabricated events to her mother who she has always had wrapped around her finger and now turned the mother against us. We have no washed our hands of her and dealing with this as they say "you can never win against a true narcassist". My partner is devasted at what she has said to his mother and said he cant win. We live hours away from her and the sibling is only half an hour, so she can continue to poison her mind as much as she wants. We have blocked her emails and phone number so we dont have to deal with her. (By the way she doesnt do anything of this to our face its all through notes, emails and sms's - very spineless.) My partner is coming to terms that he may have "lost" his mother as there is no point justifying ourselves to her as she is very confused and fragile so he doesnt want to inflict anymore pain.

I kept to my disciplines, defused my rage and kept calm whilst constantly trying to stop my partner from completely losing it and keeping him calm- he is a real mess right now and I'm really concerned. I have totally surprised myself in how "together" I am after this - fragile but ok. Need sleep as only had a couple of hours and feeling like I was last Friday. My partner and I got through this together and that feels good. I have also noticed something else about myself, after telling me what had happened during the day when I got home- I broke down crying when he was outside. But it wasnt the out of control BPD cry I was crying because of the pain he was in and felt horrible that this is exactly what my family did to him and now he is copping it again. I also cried due to "abandonment fears" his mother is the only person who treated me like a daughter and now she probably thinks I'm the devil reincarnated thanks to this bitch! But it was like for the first time I had accepted the emotion and let it wash over me. After that I was upset but ok - I'm still surprised how ok I am after all we have endured. I even treated myself to something very bad from the bakery for breakfast.

Unfortauntely it has only instilled in both of us our lack of trust with people and it makes us even more not want anything to do with anyone really - just really sick of people why do they have to do this I really dont understand but we atleast will never had to deal with this bitch again!

@Former-Member@Former-Member@Former-Member@BlueBay@Shaz51

I got through

I think tiredness played a big part yesterday. Whenever I get very overtired and stressed I go downhill. Feel better after a day of being nice to myself, junkfood, glass of wine and lots of sleep.

We purposely didnt discuss this last night as a strategy to stay sane and keep calm.

We have successfully blocked all her communication so hopefully for now we can move on with our lives.

I find I have been crying more and more but moreso out of sorrow for my partner and what they are doing to him - its just evil. I think I'm learning to feel more and more real empathy for him and not thinking of my pain so much. Maybe this was the test we had to have!

Now I have to be vigilant on the weekend that I dont get overconfident and blow it with my partner especially as he is very sensitive and emotional at the moment.

I feel a bit proud of myself that I was able to pick myself up after some of the worst emotional crap we have endured for a long time.

Tomorrow I have the day off work so I intend to have it as a recovery day, sleep in, do some cooking (relaxes me) and just chill for the whole day.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Love this. Great thread @Change123. Brilliant insight at the start and I really admire your ongoing efforts at emotional self-control. Truly inspiring

Thanks @Former-Member

I'm even trying to get my BPD traits to work for me for example I can get addicted to certain behaviour and I feel now that I've managed to get myself addicted to this good behavior. I'm feeling really proud when I achieve and I'm trying to put "I will do this or that" not that I will try. I guess the flipside is I'm being very hard on myself if I fail but maybe I need to be - anyway something is working and for my partner to notice that its great. Its still very tiring for me as its not knee jerk reaction yet but I will get there - I have a bit more confidene in myself now.

I feel very determined to not go backwards I think thats why I started to freak out yesterday asking for help because I was more terrified of going backwards than the feelings I was enduring.

Hi @Change123

Wow - I have read back on a lot of this thread and you and your husband have been through the mill lately - all of this happening and I had no idea that you had this thread and such an important one

Yes - emotional discipline is an important concept - and BDP is a difficult thing to cope with - I believe that my therapist has given me a post mortem dx for my son as having BDP and this really fits - so I understand a little more about this disorder and I wish you all the best

It does sound like a toxic family situation and both you and your husband have a dicy situation - and hopefully you have blocked the person doing the damage and you don't have to deal with that again

All the best Change - you have a lot to offer here and you already have been a good support person to myself and to others and you are a worthwhile member indeed

Dec