emotional discipline - another perspective BPD

Hi @Change123

I am glad you have dropped in with your news - it is good to hear from you

It is not at all selfish to stay away from the group if you are working through things - we do not need extra stuff when we are working through things or if we just need to focus on ourselves -

I take time out - whether it's because I am just busy with other things or it's because I am having a bleak spell - I know it's fine - and normal and not selfish at all

I hope for myself - for everyone - that the time will come when we don't need to come at all - of course if this happened to everyone at once that would be disastrous for the newcomers - so people come and go for a lot of reason

You have shared a lot of yourself here and that was good - now it seems you are moving on and this is good also

All the best - and I wish you good luck

Dec - Decadian

Hi @Owlunar@Kurra@BlueBay@PeppiPatty@Former-Member

Just wanted to say hi and that things are still going well. I have had ups and downs but have coped quite well. My partner commented to me on the weekend that he is really noticing the changes I have made and that we have been relatively happy for about a month now which was unheard of before. We have still had little arguments but ensured I havent carried anything on and actually try to diffuse things now when i can see my partner isnt well. I think I'm learning who I am, what my values etc are and whats important to me in life (my partner and dog - my family) I have found having one day to myself when I'm not working has helped me a lot, just sleeping in, doing whatever I want etc but mainly the rest has been really important to me. Some days I just need to sleep for nearly most of the day and I give in to that now especially as I now get a lot of fatigue from menopause. I then find I'm much more brighter and my brain functions better. My partner and I are much much closer which is great, he shows a lot more compassion for me infact he tends to worry more about me now than I do. I dont tend to be an "open book" so much anymore ie. dont tell everyone about my life so learning boundaries but if I have to be honest still struggle with it a bit.

Anyway I hope you are all going well. Will check in in a few weeks.

It's so awaesome to hear from you @Change123. You've been in my thoughts as there have been a few discussions lately on BPD. I'm wondering if you are using much of the DBT stuff you learned or are you more or less just working it out as it goes. I'm meant to be starting DBT in a few months but am a little scared at this point. You still remain an inspiration for me and I hope that it continues to go well. Huge smiles or your relationship going well.

semding hugs 💜🤗💐

Hi @Former-Member Big hugs to you too!

I guess I am using DBT stuff but not thinking of it as DBT stuff if you know what I mean. I think I sort of play tricks on myself by not going into the whole BPD thing and just try to curb one trait at a time.

Dont be scared the only thing you have to be scared of are your feelings and they wont physcially hurt you! It is confronting at some stages, I found when we started to look at relationships which is about half way through this is when lots of us got triggered and it got very emotional. But initself that was a good thing as they could show us ways to cope by helping that person in class who had been triggered. In some ways I found it cathartic as while it was hurtful opening up to some things it also got things off your chest!

Goodluck but you wont need it!

Thanks for getting back @Change123. It's helpful to know how you've managed it. I think the bit I'm most scared about is doing the things that are opposite to how you feel. I'm going to have to develop some self discipline, something it works out you have heaps of 😊. I like how you have broken it all down. My issues aren't the same but they have similarities if you know what I mean. Wishing you the best of luck. 💜🤗

Hi @Change123

🎉

It's great to hear from you again - yes - a few weeks have passed - I have been away since I last read a post from you and I have moved my computer desk and summer is over but in Melbourne we are having a wonderful Autumn Flush

Things will always be up-and-down-and-up-again - because this is how life is - and it seems you and your partner are getting along much better -

But yes - you are right - sometimes we have to tell the truth and let those who love us know things are a bit uneven here and we are tripping over the paving stones in our lives - and how does the song go now?

"I'm fixing the roof where the rain gets in and stops my mind from wandering where it will go" - also

"I mending the cracks that run through the wall and keep my mind from wandering where it will go"

[John Lennon - Sergeant Peppe's Lonely Hearts Club Band]

Thinking of you - Change and hoping things go well - it is good to hear from you

Dec