Flashbacks/Nightmares

@Former-Member@BlueBay

My mother was scared when I was seeing a psychiatrist too - at first my psyche wanted to see her so she could explain how my son's behaviour was causing me so much anguish - you should have heard her - but then - maybe you did - my mother who was definitely co-dependent said she did not need to see a shrink - her word - and was so offended

And as time went on she said this

"Don't let them tell you that you had an unhappy childhood - you were a very happy little girl most of the time"

She must have been terrified of what I might say - at that early stage I was mostly distressed that she wouldn't help with my son - and what went on in my far from happy childhood was far from my mind until she drew my attention to it

But she was gone before I remembered her really violent act against me - she must have remembered that - how terrified she must have been

And yes - she did need to see someone - but then - no one can help someone who does not admit the need

I am used to my own memories - how sad I feel for so many other people - life can be so hard

Decadian

Right @BlueBay

That storm was horrific - my back fence has split in several placed and the shed door had blown open and has been damaged

Also - all around this block and the streets etc there are bits of broken branches

But things were worse in other places

Dec

Hi @BlueBay

It is perfectly okay to wish for things we can't have - or are not likely to have

And it is possible to grieve for what you never had

I have no idea why either of our mothers had to be so horrible but whatever it was - we can feel unhappy about it

What we need to do is to learn to live with it - and that's hard

I care heaps

Decadian

Hi @BlueBay

You are right - your mother behaved toward you in a very hateful manner - and alas - it seems as if she gets off free on that

But she doesn't - it will catch up with her - but alas - this doesn't help you

But it is okay to feel the way you do - angry with your mother and hating her behaviour - but it has to stop before you damage yourself -

She is very wrong - seriously bad - to treat you as if you betrayed the family when you were abused by a family member - I can't understand any mother behaving that way - but mine did too - so I understand

You mention running away or leaving so often - I wonder if you realise that wherever you go you will never run far enough or fast enough to get away from yourself - I have tried that one - even this year I went to Canberra to escape my son's anniversary - but I had to go through it any way - and I was hundreds of miles from home and just as alone as always

Your mother has done so much to damage your life - as did mine - but I didn't let her win -

In fact my mother was into winning or losing in a big way - it has taken years - decades - to sort out my mother's faulty values - she was wrong - just as your mother is wrong

I really understand - I wish I could say something more helpful

Decadian

Sadgirl,

How distressing, to suffer through something just to relive it all again.

I am not sure how helpful these will be, as they are strategies for restless sleep and nightmares, not neccessarily flashbacks..

Dream journal. When my dreams get distressing and too many, I journal. Even if it is just a few sentences or one, during the night, not always the lengthy recap I might have for a dream remembered in morning. I don't know how or why it works, but my dreams get far more lucid and I have far more control and understanding that the dream is a dream, when I journal them.

Wheat pack. Not just the heat, but the weight of them. Weights in blanket corners, to weight the blanket down over you. I guess this works a similar way to how it works for children with sensory processing issues? I am less anxious and more relaxed, sleep comes easier. I have a wheat dinosaur I sleep with, love the warmth and weight across my back/tummy/side (wherever it can drape depending on my sleeping position!)

Hope you find some rest xxx

Had another nightmare last night I remember that I was at work and a guy grabbed me and sexually assaulted me. I woke up sobbing and shaking.

I went to see my GP tonight. He wanted to see how my BP was and it was high again. Also he wanted to know how i have been without my AD and if i was still getting brain zaps/migraines. I told him i am not getting the brain zaps anymore but the migraines are slowly going away.

He wants me to ring him on sunday at the clinic and tell him how i am and then he will tell me what to do - either stop and change AD or take them again.