messed up, can't escape

Hi @mandy84

Well done you ! You got out of there .... hopefully you felt something of your personal power to intervene in your circumstances and make new choices .... remake your bed .....

Rest now. You are very heart-sore. And as soon as you can, get a physical check-up. Your emotional health can impact your physical well-being, and your loss was so recent you must make sure you are healing internally properly.

Rest .... baby steps ... a window will open ...

Hugs 💗

Thank you all for your support, I hesitated to come here because of guilt but you are not being cruel at all. Helping me feel valued a little somehow thank you again.

Worried I might be going crazy though, holding it all in. Gonna burst, it wont stop. Then sometimes it feels like I'm floating, kinda outside of my body but not, or sometimes like everything's far away as if looking at the world in miniature down a twisting glass tube, and other times like I'm inside a bubble, everything's muffled. Does anyone else get this? Am I going mad? Think my body's trying to push me out of it so it can cope or the mind the body, back and forth. I don't know. Definitely not thinking too good. A disconnect.

Might be shock. But saw Dr and today about miscarriage prolonged bl##ding & cramps - shes not worried, says it normal progression of womb returning to size (3months). She said the tears are from hormone changes and will pass.

But it FEELS like more than that, like I'm splitting down the middle. Maybe this it what it feels like to have broken heart.
_

@Kurra said: "No you're not going mad mandy84.
I suspect there's an element of shock involved though. You've endured a lot recently. Have you been to see the GP? It's been an inordinately tough time for you. I'm not sure if this is right but perhaps @PANDA, could help you. Take care and keep writing to us Luv n Hugzzz 💕"

@Appleblossom said:
"Hi Mandy84, you have had such a lot to process physically, emotionally and relationshipwise. Dont be too hard on yourself. Be kind and gentle to yourself as your body and sense of femininity is hurting.
I have had a lot of floating feelings at different times in my life ... it can be called "dissociation". It can relate to our soul, or aura, depending on your beliefs. Its a sign you are under a lot of stress, but no need to panic, be kind to your inner wounded self.
You have a truckload of grief, your bub, your relationship with the triple timing scumbag (sorry), your job home etc.
You might need to let your sister know you have had a physical & emotional knock, which you cant fully explain just yet . . so she accepts that you are particularly vulnerable right now and so you can continue being big sister through the upcoming birth.
I take it your doctor was not concerned about physical consequences of the miscarriage, but can you go back and get a referral for counselling to help you get through the next few months.
If YOU can get some support, which you are entitled to, dont listen to negative self talk, you might be able have some healing and bonding with your little sister through her birth.
I have had a lot of loss with my daughter, but in the end, when i could move past my anger at my loss, other children can also be very healing and redemptive. Take care mandy84"


Thanks @Appleblossom,
You seem to understand the many issues, especially whats lost. I'm curious about the "dissociation" and how it relates to our soul, or aura, if you can expand or refer me elsewhere? Does sound a bit 'new age' though which some teach is occult. Hmm, anyway, it might pass as you say. Haven't quite realised I might be 'under stress' but I guess, yes, bit of a war zone upheaval lately, lost my way.
Perhaps getting a referral to psychologist might be a good idea with my mind playing tricks. As for getting close to my sister - don't think so, she has told me she would not chose me as a friend, only puts up with me because I'm blood" and she wouldn't have me on her bridal team last year, which was overwhelmingly hurtful for me. I travelled far to attend and help with flowers & music but wow, she sure has hurt me, don't know I can trust her to be understand landing, she's very pentecostal. But we are amicable (though hubby is weird). It worries me if I'll be strong enough to be happy about her baby due any day now.

@PANDA said: "mandy84, How brave to share so openly and allow others to support you. It is not easy reaching out.


I am not really sure what is going on for you, whatever it is it sounds scary and as though you need some additional support.
We do speak with mums who experience mental health decline (like postnatal anxiety or depression) following a miscarraige. Feeling like you are floating, and separate to what is happening around you can be due to a whole range of reasons. Can you go back to your GP and let them know you are worried? it would be a great start.
Wishing you strength and self-compassion as you manage the next step.
PANDA team


Thank you @PANDA,
What support can you give, is it here on forums or do you have a link? Do people actually get PPD after miscarriage? And heightened anxiety? Why? Is it recognised as such? Without the baby? It worries me cause my mum has MI. Yes I will go back to GP and try talk about this emotional stuff that's going on. Thank you.

Just carried these posts back to hear, from 'something's not right'. 'Floating', to keep it together because my brain isn't working too well. Having a lot of trouble sleeping. I'm on a mattress on the floor in this nursery. Its cramped and feels like someone's in the room with me when I wake with bad dreams - maybe haunted? Maybe me? Need to get my own place. Feel so list 😞

Hi @mandy84, gosh you're going through a tough year. So feel for you that you don't feel close to anyone to hug you through this. Not even your sister who it sounds has never really been close or a support for you. Hope this pentecostal teaching doesn't make them " too heavenly minded to be any earthly good" (a saying I picked up recently). Do you have $ to get your own place or are you frightened of being alone just yet? Can you talk to your parents?

Hi @mandy84

Just wanted to let you know I'm around ....

I can't really add anything to the solid advice you are receiving from others, but glad to see you are developing a forum family here ....

Sending big, gentle hugs your way ❤️

Quote:
"When someone treats you like an option, help them narrow their choices by removing yourself from the equation."