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messed up, can't escape

mandy84Senior Contributor07 July 2016, 3:00 am AEST

messed up, can't escape

Hi, i have nobody i can really talk to, and hoping SOMEONE here might listen, help me sort it out.

Don't know what to do. Keep pretending everything is ok. but its not. Sometime i walk across the road from work for lunch, sit in the park but even there my mind messes with me and i drift reverse into an invisible tunnel and to world suddenly seems 100 miles away at the end of the tunnel so small. I'm scared I'm gonna lose my mind.

I am on contract in the outback,! nursing. I HATE myself for it but gor seduced by a much older married man, his wife gave me permission as they have this thing called an open marriage but its messing with my head. When i tell him i don't want to see him anymore he comes in as a patient requesting to see me. Or he'll turn up at church. I'm locked in this 12month contract in the middle of nowhere & so lonely & too ashamed to try tell a soul. And can't understand how i could defile myself with gum.

Work is stressful. Neurotic boss who hid e's s in her room. We live in the clinic, us 3 RNs. I put drips in, transport emergencies, suture wounds, take blood etc No dr in town. We talk with the flying doctor who comes to do a clinic once a fortnight.

I don't want to lose my job but i don't want to crack. Wish i could just fly away.

173 replies

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In response to: messed up, can't escape

YumchaNew Contributor21 July 2016, 10:32 am AEST

Re: messed up, can't escape

What a incredible job you do for a remote community. This man is a predator and praying on you. Have you got a relationship with your church minister?? Anything you tell him would be confidential and he could also speak to this man . everyone makes mistakes, it's if you learn from them that's important. You sound like a highly intelligent woman ,listen to your gut instinct and kick his arse to hell. You can and will move on from his clutches. X

In response to: messed up, can't escape

mandy84Senior Contributor21 July 2016, 10:49 am AEST

Re: messed up, can't escape

REPOST FROM AS HAD TO MODIFY, OOPSY!

Hi Everyone,
Thanks so much for your understanding, its comforting, i have read your posts over & over. Still here, went to another place of denial, to not think too much. The river gums are beautiful this time of year but the water somewhat cold, probably a good thing as they opened the spill-gates this week and its fast flowing, with floating debris & mud and probably dangerous. Got two lives to think of now.

Haven't talked with the father & he's surprisingly distant, which hurts, can't believe I'm smitten by him. I have pondered your assessments of him and that he could be treating me bad. Men were like this in childhood yet said they love me too, maybe the subconscious is replaying something in me. Thought i was over that

Work has been really busy this week, had a man in psychosis take fist to me while transporting him to meet the RFDS on road. Had to pull over & wait by the road for the cavalry to arrive. Lucky the patient was so off his face he couldn't figure out the two safety restraints holding him to the stretcher. Seen that look in the eye before, when i was violated at 11 and a crazed flasher that tried to impress me once 😕 Maybe this current patient triggered something because I've been a bit jumpy since, having felt so physically threatened. Or is it hormones?

Missed church last week, but have to go this week as i do work for them. Its just so hard with 'HIM' there in all his 'respectability'

Anyway, I do want to keep this channel of support open as its so lonely here. Hope its ok to do this, just talk about me for now? Kind of hard catching up on everyone's backgrounds, afraid I might say the wrong thing. Still appreciate your input. Bit confused so its giving me new angles.

In response to: Re: messed up, can't escape

DecadianSenior Contributor21 July 2016, 11:16 am AEST

Re: messed up, can't escape

Hi again @mandy84

Yes - there are choices - there are always choices even though you can't always see them

Take your time and feel which is the best action for you - living in a small community means there are some things you can't keep to yourself - but you know you can trust some people - your doctor - your minister - hopefully

About this creep - and he is a creep - men lie - they can be soooooooooo super-charming - and they can sweep the most well-grounded woman off her feet - don't beat yourself on falling for that one - most women probably have had something similar at some stage in their lives

I had a boyfriend (I never lived with him) for years - and found out he had sneaky operations in his life - it's really hard to tell - even with time

Take your time - and seeing as you are pregnant I guess there is a limit of time about one of your decisions - but you do have these choices - and don't let anyone try and lay a guilt trap on you - you have the right to make up your own mind about that too - whatever you do

Keep posting

Decadian

In response to: messed up, can't escape

Unknown userMember21 July 2016, 2:01 pm AEST

Re: messed up, can't escape

@mandy84, big hug (((♡))), hang in there. Do you have many symptoms? Morning Sickness etc? At about 8-9wks was overwhelmed with fatigue with all four pregnancies. You be kind to yourself now, believing everything will work out ok for you. 🌷

In response to: messed up, can't escape

mandy84Senior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 9:25 pm AEDT

Re: messed up, can't escape

Sorry I've been away so long, had some privacy issues

Need your help, I miscarried the baby during the drive back to Sydney while staying with church friends who were not impressed. A lot of blo_d and pain and needed a curettage. It was horrible.

I'm staying with my heavily pregnant sister, in here baby's nursery, looking at all the beautiful baby things crying. I really wanted this baby. I can't tell her. They all look up to me and I feel so ashamed. Besides, it mifht upset her fragile statw. I'm still ble_ding. Hospital bills keep coming in and my private cover is a disappointment. I can't thing and feel paralysed.

The baby's father has asked me to travel to Melbourne on a business trip with him, via the outback town I was in and Adelaide. I don't know if to trust him but sure need someone to talk things through with and he is a counsellor and older than me and travelling gets me out of this nursery. Should I go?

Need help but everyone knows me here as the gospel singer. Can't think straight anymore. Just laying about.

Last time I miscarried, at 17 and tried to talk to mother she said "its you're own stupid fault for getting pregnant in the first place" so, not telling her.

Sorry, just feel lost, don't know what yo do.

In response to: messed up, can't escape

Unknown userMember15 Nov 2016, 10:14 pm AEDT

Re: messed up, can't escape

just wondering if you are part of a union or nursing association - if you have a contract whoever the contract is with would be part of an organisation which may have a counselling area

In response to: messed up, can't escape

Unknown userMember15 Nov 2016, 10:18 pm AEDT

Re: messed up, can't escape

@mandy84, sorry for your loss. Miscarriage or pregnancy loss is still very sad and I would think in your situation, with also losing your job for it and the fathers betrayal, who I think you came to love. This is a lot to carry on your own. I agree you need to talk with somebody. Maybe not your baby sister, pregnant and all, or ya mum but not sure talking g with that man, going away with him, is a good idea. He doesn't seem to have much nouse, is he really after your best interest here? Can you find a church counsellor to talk to, to help you deal with the spiritual guilt and shame you described earlier? Are you safe?

In response to: Re: messed up, can't escape

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor16 Nov 2016, 3:11 am AEDT

Re: messed up, can't escape

Hi @mandy84 .... 💐💕

I have been thinking about you the last few days ....

Whike I know you are not feeling okay, I am glad that you are physically well .... and I am so sorry to hear you lost the baby you had grown to love in this short time ... ❤️🌹

My sentiments echo @Former-Member's .... I feel that the father of your baby betrayed your trust along with his own marriage vows, and severely abused his position as a community leader, church leader, and counsellor .... I think he will only bring you a lot of grief in the future if you continue to respond to his advances. If I remember correctly, he gave you money to terminate the pregnancy, which is also in complete opposition to the tenets of the faith he is supposedly, at least publicly, representing .... :face_with_rolling_eyes:😠

I am so, so sorry to hear that you are being harshly judged over your predicament, and you are obviously grieving the loss of your baby. As @Former-Member said, what you need most at the moment is the loving support of church counsellor's who are properly living their faith, with compassion and understanding .... 💗🌷💕

If you can't find that sort of support within the church, then I urge you to seek it within secular support services .... the most important thing for you at the moment is to receive appropriate support. The character of the man who betrayed your trust and seduced you is clearly not to be trusted. He lacks integrity in all areas of his life and actions. You would be wise to avoid him, but you may need support even to carry forward on that difficult decision. It is very hard to acknowledge a lack of integrity in someone who has ensnared your emotions. He is bad news. He is preying on your weaknesses and sense of need .... 😠

Take good care of yourself @mandy84. We will be here to listen to you .... thank you for checking in with how you are, and I hope you hear back from you soon.

🌷💜

In response to: Re: messed up, can't escape

DecadianSenior Contributor16 Nov 2016, 12:58 pm AEDT

Re: messed up, can't escape

Hi @mandy84

I am so sorry to read about your miscarriage - that is the loss of your child and all it might have been. It is a real grief and it will take time to get past that.

Your Christian friends not being impressed about your having a miscarriage at your house - wow - not exactly people I would call friends. In this day and age people are not concerned if the baby was conceived in wedlock or not - the baby is there and it's not up to other people to judge

But still - it seems that you are surrounded by people you can't trust - from what I have written you are not committed to anyone atm - so I can only suggest that you don't let yourself be consumed by relationships that are not helpful for you

You are not to blame for anything that has happened to you here - you seem to have made some decisions which have not been good - and you need some help to get out of it

Right now I don't know where you are or your circumstances - but one place would be a woman's refuge but I don't know how to find one - if you did get to Melbourne it would be easier that in a small town.

But people here have some great suggestions and I am sure that someone will be along with helpful imput soon

And keep in touch here - no one will judge you

Decadian

In response to: Re: messed up, can't escape

AppleblossomSenior Contributor16 Nov 2016, 3:03 pm AEDT

Re: messed up, can't escape

Hello @mandy84 This is the first time I have seen your thread, I missed it somehow, sorry.

Glad you are here and doing the best you can do. You nursing job sounded important and caring. I appreciate anyone who can go outback to work, as the need is high, and I dont have useful skills for that. It also is a huge part of the SOCIAL JUSTICE aspect of christianity.

My sister had an affair with a married man and talked a lot of how she felt entrapped and caught. I can definitely understand how it can happen. That you actually had the strength to work with him at church while dealing with all of your inner conflict is descipline, self control and very admirable.

As 1) an older man 2) educated in couselling and 3) respected elder at church 4) married, 5) calloused offering of money for termination. he has 5) big strikes against him. I wouldnt have anything more to do with him. It is up to you if you decide to expose him, but I would make sure you are in a better situation and feel safe and on a path that sits well with your values.

I am not sure if you have read much of my story but I have been involved in the Vic enquiry into institutional sexual abuse and the Royal Commission. I have read a lot about the way sexual predators groom their intended. They prey on the vulnerable. It is against counselling ethics let alone all the rest.

In the meantime, you are supporting your pregnant sister but not able to properly grieve for your own child. Please cut him out and take very good care of you. Dont understimte what you have gone through. Look up the documents on the Royal Commission. The cut off date for new claims may almost be here.. not sure .. but you may have a case. I wouldnt expose him on your own .. but you deserve help and support to deal with all of this. It is criminal, what he has done.

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