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messed up, can't escape

mandy84Senior Contributor07 July 2016, 3:00 am AEST

messed up, can't escape

Hi, i have nobody i can really talk to, and hoping SOMEONE here might listen, help me sort it out.

Don't know what to do. Keep pretending everything is ok. but its not. Sometime i walk across the road from work for lunch, sit in the park but even there my mind messes with me and i drift reverse into an invisible tunnel and to world suddenly seems 100 miles away at the end of the tunnel so small. I'm scared I'm gonna lose my mind.

I am on contract in the outback,! nursing. I HATE myself for it but gor seduced by a much older married man, his wife gave me permission as they have this thing called an open marriage but its messing with my head. When i tell him i don't want to see him anymore he comes in as a patient requesting to see me. Or he'll turn up at church. I'm locked in this 12month contract in the middle of nowhere & so lonely & too ashamed to try tell a soul. And can't understand how i could defile myself with gum.

Work is stressful. Neurotic boss who hid e's s in her room. We live in the clinic, us 3 RNs. I put drips in, transport emergencies, suture wounds, take blood etc No dr in town. We talk with the flying doctor who comes to do a clinic once a fortnight.

I don't want to lose my job but i don't want to crack. Wish i could just fly away.

173 replies

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In response to: messed up, can't escape

CuddlepieCasual Contributor12 July 2016, 8:06 pm AEST

Re: messed up, can't escape

Hi Mandy,
I know how you feel. I would suggest concentrating on your music and thinking about the great nursing experience you are getting. I know you can stick it out and are much stronger than you think you are. Don't let the married man win. You will get over him in time. I know it doesn't feel like that at the moment. But if you concentrate on your music and think how lucky you are to have that gift everything will be ok.

In response to: messed up, can't escape

Unknown userMember12 July 2016, 8:09 pm AEST

Re: messed up, can't escape

Thankyou Faith and Hope. 👍💟

In response to: messed up, can't escape

Unknown userMember12 July 2016, 8:17 pm AEST

Re: messed up, can't escape

Hmm! No request removal bar to be seen, Faith and Hope. Thanks anyway. 😊

In response to: messed up, can't escape

Unknown userMember12 July 2016, 8:39 pm AEST

Re: messed up, can't escape

Mandy. I just read that you're pregnant. The good thing is that you love babies, but it must be so difficult for you knowing this man is married etc., and that he gave you money to get rid of the baby must have been such a shock for you. I can imagine how upset that would have made you feel. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Don't give up, something good will happen. ❤

In response to: Re: messed up, can't escape

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor13 July 2016, 12:07 am AEST

Re: messed up, can't escape

@Former-Member

Sorry .... I'm using an iPad .... I know from posting when I am out and about that my iPhone doesn't have the same facility ... didn't think of that when I responded before.

In response to: messed up, can't escape

utopiaSenior Contributor13 July 2016, 1:55 am AEST

Re: messed up, can't escape

Hi @mandy84.
I dont think you have anything vto be guilty of. Yiu did nit xhoise for this man to lie to you. You did not choose to br pregnant. So firstly you need to speak to a Professional who can help sort out what you need to do - with this bloke, with this baby and with this job.
Nothing is insurmountable. You say you try ti avoud this guy, good. Keep doing it. One pribkem gone. 2 Stilk to work out.
If you are going to go through with the pregnancy and keeo the baby, you abd bub would be better off around community you di know. near a Friend or a RELATIVE or maybe someone from your old church who is open minded. Having babies out of wedlock is not the be all abd end all it used to be years ago.
I raise my child well on my own.
Si a few things to think about. And naybe a few things to talk over with a professional.
I wish you luck.

In response to: Re: messed up, can't escape

tantContributor13 July 2016, 9:20 am AEST

Re: messed up, can't escape

Hi Mandy,

We have a forgiving God who loves us unconditionally and who loves little babies especially. There is no condemnation for those who belong to Him. Pray to Him. When you are by the river where you can enjoy nature, talk to Him, rage at Him, cry with Him, ask Him questions and ask him for help. Wait for his guidance. Listen for his words to you. To me his answers sound like my voice but the answers sound like something he would say. Reading His Word helps me to recognise Him and the things He would say. For me, prayer is a way to talk to someone who listens without interrupting, and without telling me to get over it. Bless you and the little life you have with you.

In response to: Re: messed up, can't escape

SaharaSenior Contributor13 July 2016, 9:54 am AEST

Re: messed up, can't escape

Hi @mandy84,

my heart goes out to you. I can see your situation in life as something that could have easily happened to me when I was younger. I feel for you.

This older man is a calculating predator..... which is something I'm sure a lot of people on this forum are in agreement with. I wonder how many other young women he has done this to? I'll bet there has been a few.

You are in such a vulnerable situation at the moment, with no close friends to talk to. This older man probably saw you as the perfect target. He is a liar, a hypocrite and a user. It would be great if you were able to go to his wife and tell her what has happened. She has a right to know the true character of the man she is married to. I'm sure she already has her suspicions about him! Most women are not fools.

Can you end your contract - claiming illness as a reason? You can talk confidentially to one of the doctors who attend your clinic. They are legally bound to keep any conversation confidential, as you know. All contracts can be ended. It is a mistake to believe that you are stuck there. You have symptoms of mental illness that would be grounds enough to end a contract - I am sure of it.

Can you take the money that the father of your baby offered to you and use it to book a flight out of there? And perhaps pay for a few days accommodation somewhere while you find a place to stay? Can you stay with a friend or relative in another city? there has to be someone.

I would book the flight and worry about the details of the contract once you are already gone. Honestly, there is not much thay can do if you are on sick-leave. Wait until you are actually leaving for the airport and make your very last stop a visit to this man's wife. You will never see any of these people ever again, so do not worry what they will think of you!

@mandy84, you are very brave and honest and good. I know you are going to be Ok.

In response to: messed up, can't escape

Unknown userMember17 July 2016, 5:06 pm AEST

Re: messed up, can't escape

Thinking of you @mandy84 ❤
Are you ok?

In response to: Re: messed up, can't escape

DecadianSenior Contributor21 July 2016, 9:56 am AEST

Re: messed up, can't escape

Hi @mandy84

I tried to post a reply to your post - but for some reason I could not

So if I leave a message here I will get an email when anyone posts here again

So briefly - this man has used and abused you - and if he as given you money you can use it for whatever you like -

And his wife - I wouldn't tell her - possibly she already knows - and is keeping quiet on the matter - if you tell her she will have to acknowledge this and may not be ready

Leaving the job where this creep is everyday would be a good idea - I would - you do not need to say why - as someone else as suggested you can ask your GP for a recommendation for sick leave -

There are agencies that will help - in Melbourne there used to be Action Centre - but if you call Life Line they will give you contacts - Phone 131114 - and calls from mobile phones are free

All the best - I have actually written nearly everything that I wrote in the post that was not accepted for whatever reason

And welcome to this website - as I can already see people are welcoming you with helpful messages

Decadian

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