messed up, can't escape

Hi @mandy84 don"t hate yourself a new life is always precious regardless of the circumstances. Sorry I was not suggesting you were promiscious, I just get a bit confused with your posts. I am just someone who has suffered mi in my past and although I am starting to feel a lot better I can empathize

@mandy84

The view from where I sit is that in a moment of vulnerability you fell under the seduction of someone who is living a blatant lie - pretending to be something he isn't within the church community - and is operating a set of values considered entirely immoral under the Christian ethos .... as is his wife apparently ....

You have stated that these are not your values, even though you went outside your own values and engaged with him in this situation he took advantage of. It sounds like a pattern he has going, according to what you have written, because apart from anything else, he didn't even respond either lovingly, or according to the morals he pretends to hold - possibly even holds sermons about - as a church leader ....

This is a time for single parenthood more than any other time in modern history. You have a society that supports personal choices, and many support services are available to you without judgement. It is clear that hmmm! is not interested in supporting a choice to keep the baby, and why would he ? It will unravel the little deal he has got going there .... free to be a predator concealed behind a 'fine' reputation within the ranks of your church ....

If this is your first child, you will be unlikely to be showing your pregnancy within the next two months, if you choose to see out your contract. Only you can really decide if this is more reason to leave, but to me, it is .... I don't think it is supportive to your well-being to stay where you are .... and this might be something they try on with all the new singletons coming to town. I have seen that happen in remote mining towns .... not with members of the church community .... but amongst others .... married or single .... if that is their code.

I think you need a counsellor more than ever, and despite the betrayal of this particular couple, most 'real' churches will see your situation for what it is, and will support you whole-heartedly. If you can apply for a new job, locate to a new area, and join a local church as a new member, recently separated (you are separated from the father !) and in the early stages of pregnancy, I expect you will be received with open arms and offers of baby equipment, furniture and clothing. That's how most churches operate. At some point, you can divulge to a minister and/or counsellor you trust what your broader circumstances are, if you choose to. And if you do, they are likely to be mortified for you, not at you. They ought to be mortified for you and not at you ....

Just a little FYI here ... even right back to the Byzantine and Roman empires there have been three 'levels' of marriage - common-law, civil, and spiritual marriages .... The Christian ethos supports the spiritual marriage, however it retains empathy and respect for the other two forms .... it also retains empathy for errors in judgement, but hmmmm!'s part in this was not an error of judgement, it's an ongoing practice .... and leaders within the church community bear a stronger consequence to their actions, as you would expect from anyone holding a position of high integrity (!!) who abuses their position, and those who come to them in need, as you did ....

I hope, in a new setting, you find someone to love and appreciate you in the way you ought to be ... this hmmm! guy is clearly not that. Cut your losses girl, and flee to higher ground !!

Here to listen if you want ...

Ignore that river. It's not for you !!

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Hi @Former-Member

At the top of each post you make there is a "request removal" bar .... just click on that for the second posting to remove it ....

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Hi Mandy,

I echo what others have said. You are better off without this man in your life. What you described sounds like stalking and what he is doing is very un-Christian. You sound very loving and loyal to him, yet it is never going to be reciprocated. He sounds like a real grub and you deserve someone who will give you the love and loyalty that you deserve.