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messed up, can't escape

mandy84Senior Contributor07 July 2016, 3:00 am AEST

messed up, can't escape

Hi, i have nobody i can really talk to, and hoping SOMEONE here might listen, help me sort it out.

Don't know what to do. Keep pretending everything is ok. but its not. Sometime i walk across the road from work for lunch, sit in the park but even there my mind messes with me and i drift reverse into an invisible tunnel and to world suddenly seems 100 miles away at the end of the tunnel so small. I'm scared I'm gonna lose my mind.

I am on contract in the outback,! nursing. I HATE myself for it but gor seduced by a much older married man, his wife gave me permission as they have this thing called an open marriage but its messing with my head. When i tell him i don't want to see him anymore he comes in as a patient requesting to see me. Or he'll turn up at church. I'm locked in this 12month contract in the middle of nowhere & so lonely & too ashamed to try tell a soul. And can't understand how i could defile myself with gum.

Work is stressful. Neurotic boss who hid e's s in her room. We live in the clinic, us 3 RNs. I put drips in, transport emergencies, suture wounds, take blood etc No dr in town. We talk with the flying doctor who comes to do a clinic once a fortnight.

I don't want to lose my job but i don't want to crack. Wish i could just fly away.

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In response to: messed up, can't escape

Unknown userMember07 Jan 2017, 6:32 pm AEDT

Re: messed up, can't escape

Wondering how you're going @mandy84 ?? Still in hospital? Hugz xox

In response to: messed up, can't escape

Unknown userMember08 Jan 2017, 1:39 pm AEDT

Re: messed up, can't escape

Oh @mandy84, don't hesitate to go to emergency or call an ambulance if you find yourself distressed & alone. I'm concerned. Try find a good counsellor soon as you can. I hear miscarriage can seriously mess with your hormones for at least 6months which surly won't be helping. Please be gentle with yourself xox

In response to: messed up, can't escape

ChattaboxNew Contributor08 Jan 2017, 1:54 pm AEDT

Re: messed up, can't escape

I've just joined this forum and have noticed so many people are going through similar situations to me. You're not alone, but if you feel alone dont be afraid to ask for help and call an ambulance. Being hospitalised might be the best thing for you. I was hospitalised for 6weeks and it really helped me get a grip on Life and helped with the my depression. I hope you feel better, xx

In response to: messed up, can't escape

Unknown userMember08 Jan 2017, 7:08 pm AEDT

Re: messed up, can't escape

Poor @mandy84. You are right in the middle of trauma. Cognitive impairment (can't think straight), difficulty controlling your emotions, feeling judged and criticised and miserable. You poor woman. I feel for you. Please take heart. Your experience has been experienced by others before you, and there IS a road to recovery. You WILL get better, even though you can't see a way through at this moment. This experience is so demanding and exhausting for all your inner resources. But inside you is everything you need to recover. It will take time and you can do it. Please believe that.

You are not the same person, in a way. But that 'friend' who said they are embarrassed of you is NOT your friend. Not anymore. Let them go and trust your own inner care and compassion for yourself. No real to be embarrassed of yourself. You are doing the best you can. You are giving recovery your all and trying to be the best person you can possibly be. Give yourself credit for that.

get yourself safe. Where you can feel safe to be as 'inappropriate' as you want! Where you aren't having to deal with outside judgement as well as the inner critic we all have inside our heads. If being alone is what you crave, that's an OK choice. Whatever you decide to do to save yourself will be an Ok choice that only you can make.

Wrap yourself in your own loving embrace and nurture the little Mandy inside who is crying out for help and support. YOu, grown up Mandy can give that to your self, as well as the support you find here. @Former-Member Is right. Be GENTLE with the delicate inner beautiful soul who is struggling with a huge life crisis. Be your own best friend. You don't have to know all the answers to just be kind to yourself and find some peace for a while by believing that everything will work out . You will get through this. Get calm, get grounded, get centred and listen to your deep inner voice through all the confusion. Trust that positive inner voice that takes care of you.

Be brave. You need every ounce of courage and compassion for yourself right now. The people who get it. The people who will be kind and compassionate for you will come. You'll be surprised by who those people are when they come. Maybe not the family and friends you expect to be there for you. Be there for yourself. You are a beautiful, intelligent, loving, precious soul fighting the fight of your life. Take heart. Keep posting. If it helps. Xx

In response to: messed up, can't escape

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor09 Jan 2017, 7:05 am AEDT

Re: messed up, can't escape

Hi @Mandy 84 ....

The others have all said it so well .... just focus on staying safe. Take the baby steps you need to to work through each day, and get yourself back onto solid ground. I am hearing you identify people who are not good for you, and that is demonstrating self-awareness and insight.

Keep going .... you will work things out by degrees .... consider where the best integrity lies and use it as a compass ....

Breathe .... baby steps .... 💜💕

In response to: Re: messed up, can't escape

SaharaSenior Contributor13 Jan 2017, 7:53 am AEDT