messed up, can't escape

Hi @mandy84

I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I can really feel your sense of isolation and stress. I think you have a 4 fold thing going on - I'm guessing by being on this site that maybe you are concerned about your mental health, or have a MI, you are also isolated geographically, and in a high stress job. On top of that you have a person who you seem to have tried to cut yourself off from maintaining contact and not respecting your decisions or your space. I encourage you to be firm with your boundaries if you are certain this person is not for you romantically. I feel from your post you are wanting a clean cut from what sounds like a complex, possibly messy situation. Can you ask another RN to deal with him when he comes to the clinic? You may not need to explain....??? To have him also turn up at your church - which I imagine is a place of solace and peace for you, seems to somewhat taint that.... Please don't hate yourself, as you said for getting seduced. He seduced you. Yes, you had a role in the seduction no doubt, but we are strange, kalaedescopic creatures with so many strange roads in our minds. I have been down similar, and know how trapped and awful and self-deprecating I was. Please try to be gentle with yourself. You are a kind beig, I can tell, I respect nurses a lot, and maybe you should consider turning some of that care inwards. Please keep posting if it helps. You are NOT alone. If you need to 'fly away', then fly here, to this nest, as the people here care. Thinking of you,

Whim x

Hi @mandy84,

I think that's so brave of you to start working again, considering all you have been through. It might be too much stress, all at once, but then again, maybe it could take your mind off things a little bit? Only you can be the judge of that. Yes, nursing is an extremely stressful job, from everything I've been told.

I am glad you have not heard back from 'him'. However, knowing what some men are like, I somehow would not be surprised if he didn't contact you in a few months. He will wait until you are beginning to feel better so as you can be of more use to him. That's how these type of men operate. They usually distance themselves from victims who are going through personal issues, as they don't want to be weighed down by the stress of someone else's problems. That's what they are like. I know this from personal experience. I'm sorry if this sounds like a harsh judgement on the man you thought you loved.

It's just that I have been there.

I hope you can find a counsellor to speak to. I know that lots of churches have them- you might like to try one of the more mainstream Christian churches. But do what's comfortable for you.

It must be hard being in the same house as a new baby. Maybe it is time to think about getting your own place nearby?

Let us know how you are doing.

Hi @mandy84

You are not alone being caught in the web of a seducing creep - when you are lonely it is easy for a man to talk his way into your life - and even your heart - and this kind of man will sell his soul to have some satisfaction in his prey - and that's what you were - but not now

It would be tough for you to have your sister's new baby around so soon after losing your own - yes - I can understand if you feel this should be your baby - and depending how strong you are feeling and in what way you feel strong - you can help your sister out for a short time while making plans to set yourself up

Going back to work is a good idea when you feel up to it - it is a wonderful way to fill in time - I remember reading a book years ago on how we structure time - and considering work as an activity or a pass-time it does get us through those really hard times when we are grieving or battling - and you have had some life changes - but working and getting paid for it does give you more freedom and independence to set up your new life

You have done well considering all you have been through. Wow - walking out in the middle of the night and getting a plane to Sydney - well done

I think what @Whim has suggested about counselling is a good idea - we all need that at times - you have been through a lot and your little sister is not the person to lean on more at this time seeing as she has just had a baby and you are sensitive about all of that - but sleeping in the room with the bassinet is likely to set up complex feelings with something called Fung Shei - I will have to look that up - but regardless of the name - looking at the bassinet every morning when you wake up - uh uh - no - enjoy the baby if you can - but you need your own space

I am so glad you are keeping in touch with us through this bad time - we can't do much to help physically but we do support the members for the Forum Family

Lots of hugs

Decadian

Hi @mandy84

Kitkat16 here - one of the moderators.

I am glad to see you have somewhere to live, hopefully not things are moving upwards for you.

I just thought I would pop by and say that identifying that you need to take a break from something, like your work, is a positive step in putting you first and getting your mental health back on track.

If you haven't already I suggest speaking to who you report too at work and having a mental health break from your job if you can afford too.

Thank you for reaching out on the forums.

All the best.

They sound like some excellent moves forward @mandy84 ... despite being difficult to carry through ... you're doing it .... !!

I hope you do well with the psychologist, and soon fall into the arms of some Christian folk who lead with compassion and understanding ....

You need love and caring support at this time .... not judgement. What is done, is done, and it wasn't through bad intent or malice .... nobody is perfect.

Your courage and sensibility are on show right now. Take the time, and path you need to look after you .... and everything else will come into place in good time.

Wishing you peace and comfort ....

💜💕🌷

Hi @mandy84

Here people take the time they need - we certainly understand

You have made some positive moves in finding a place to live and also having an appt with a consellor - and hopefully you will be able to tell the counsellor what you haven't been able to tell your family - after all - that is what they are there for

And also recognizing you are not on the ball at work - that takes courage to turn down shifts when you are not feeling well - and better too

And as @Faith-and-Hope has said - hopefully you can find some Christian leadership that is more positive and more forgiving -

Yes - it seems you have done a lot to help yourself

Decadian

@mandy84

The church teaching you are receiving is quite different to the church I belong to .... and while mine is very old and definite about right and wrong, there is also a strong epsense about not judging others, and recognising when someone doesn't like what has been happening for them, even or perhaps especially if it was through their own involvement .... the onus is on all of us to help each other out without pressuring or judging over what should or shouldn't have happened.

What is done, is done .... you're on the page of endeavouring towards solutions and a better path for the future. How is that going to be supported by incriminations ?

Pychologists can be Christians too ... and enchanted with the complex and enchanted workings of the human psyche ....

A good psychologist will respect the fact that you have Christian beliefs and will look at things with you that include your own moral code, and how to help you heal from all the painful experiences in your past.

You are entitled to seek out a church family elsewhere too you know ... you don't have to stay with the Pentecostal church ... just sayin' .... it doesn't sound as though they have been treating you well for quite some time. The Pharisees of the Old Testament in the Bible were a Jewish subgroup who were known for being rigid and judgemental in their interpretation of religious law, and holding pretentious about that making them superior and sanctimonious .... we seem to have modern day Pharasees amongst us too.

Try to relax and take this in baby steps. You will start to work out pretty quickly how you feel about working with the psychologist, and like any doctor, if you're not comfortable with this one, you can try another ... but seeing as it was a Christian doctor who sent you to the psych, hopefully it will be a good fit.

More hugs .... 💗💕 .... keep swimming ... 🐠🐠🐠

Well said @Faith-and-Hope- I hope I can do half as well

@mandy84 - no where in the Bible does it say not to go to see a psychistrist or a psychologist - they weren't around at the time - some teachers of the church sure do have their own interpretations but they can do a lot of harm.

I prefer to go back to the Gospels and take a good look at what Jesus said - without any frills or erudite interpretations that suit the minds of the people into mind control etc - and talk about that

There was a woman caught in adultery - which indeed you have been - and those ready to condemn her were already armed with rocks to throw at her when Jesus came upon them to find out what was happening

And his assessement was - "Whoever has never committed a sin may cast the first stone" - and no one did because after all - none of us is free from sin.

And to her he said "Go and sin no more" - so she was allowed to leave also.

And as an interesting aside - where was the man in all of this? He is not mentioned.

The more orthodox branches of the church have a better understanding. As humans we make mistakes - and this is why Christ died for us - and certainly we are damaged goods but we are not stuck there. That is against the Gospel teachings. Certainly we have to forgive - but forget - no - those two words do not belong in the same sentence and forgiveness is very hard to explain to a wounded soul - but that is an important part to your healing

There are Christians with a totally different understanding of the world and see the ways the soul can be healed and psychologists and psychiatrists can be Christians too - and we live in a different world than existed during the First Century - when the Bible was written

The teachings of the Church you have been attending are not compatible with the teachings of Christ. You ask what you are supposed to do - and I know it is very hard to leave a church you have learned from but if you do nothing else - get a modern translation of the Gospels and read them for yourself and think about what Christ said and do likewise

Certainly - lay teachers in the Church struggle with the teachings because as many people complain - different parts of the Bible contradict each other - and that's true - but I am saying - study the Gospels and keep it easy

And see a psychologist or a psychiatrist - and tell them your concerns - as @Faith-and-Hope says there are some branches or the church follow the Pharasies who were into condemnation of other people without seeing themselves as damaged goods also

I wish you the best with this - you have asked for help with your Christian beliefs and I hope this is allowed to be read because although other people may not struggle with these issues - you do - and I am writing this for you

Decadian