Taking charge of my well being!

Good morning,

it's the morning after a big storm in my head. I can breathe again and not hyper ventilate. I am looking out of my window and the sun is starting to rise. I love dawn.

External triggers. If I would be living in my little world without any news - and believe me I try - life would be different. I cannot even explain what was going on in my head, and I guess that is the same for anyone with anxiety - for the bystander it does not make sense. I have issues from the past, but when I worry about the future, and even yesterday I knew I was catastrophising, but I could not stop it.

I want to start running again. I know my body is not too keen, but I can start slowly. Running helped me run off that negative energy that keeps building. On longer runs I sometimes started crying, without any reason, I just came to a state where I cried.

I feel exhausted this morning. I am listening to the birds and I see how it is getting lighter outside. The sun will rise again. It is a new day. All I can try today is to try focus on the present. I want to look after myself and I want to breathe and share my life with the people I love while I can. No one knows what tomorrow brings.

I find it so difficult to be scared of past experiences and to worry about the future.

Good morning, @Former-Member. Sending hugs for what you went through yesterday. I get that feeling of being seized by bad feelings too and finding it almost impossible to escape them at the time. These things tend to be temporary at least, but I also understand how it can make us afraid of when they will return again (another form of fearing for the future). So glad you are feeling better this morning. You are doing a good thing I think by focussing on the present as much as possible, especially when the present is giving better feelings. The more we can be with the good feelings in the moment, the stronger they may become. Morning coffee with a group of us from here would be cool in real life (though I'd probably struggle to get out the door to make it there in the morning, hehe). Anyway, without being able to do that, here's a virtual coffee to your better feelings on this new day.

Hi @Former-Member along with @Mazarita and others

Having a real cup of coffee in the morning would be fantastic - but there are days when it's a physical fight for me to get out of bed and I would turn up in my jammies - but we can sure join together in spirit

@Former-Member - I had a storm yesterday too - enough to mention major back pain and toxic sister - there was more - there always is

[gotta let the cat in]

I am exhausted to day - it is one thing to resolved the issues that throw us - toxic sister always does - back pain is under control - but it does tend to wipe our resolves - but I feel so tired after all of what went on that I could go back to bed and stay there

But I have to do some food shopping - I missed that yesterday - but I did get my air tickets

I understand what you are saying - you decided not to go to hospital but to work with your team - but along comes the stuff that blows you down - and leaves you wondering and tired

You're doing a great job - wtg - it's a hard thing but worth it

I feel like so many people here have become friends in such a short time - this is really good

Decadian

Hello Everyone,

thank you so much for your messages!

@comet How are you doing? Did you have a relaxing Saturday?

Thank you for the hugs @Mazarita. I enjoyed the virtual coffee with you 🙂 are you not a morning person? Afternoon coffee works just as well 🙂 I just had my last cuppa for the day.

@Decadian We could do a themed morning coffee - and all turn up in our jammies, I have some hilarious looking ones! I'm sorry to hear your toxic sister & back keep giving you issues. I am glad that my family is on the other side of the world, at least I don't have to deal with family issues. And you know what, you are right, us people on this forum do hold eachother up. Friends become our chosen family.

@Former-Member and @BlueBayHow are you? Sorry I have not been around the forum much lately to catch up with you guys. I feel like I take a lot lately and give not much back, but I will again when I have more energy.

I've been very mindful of my day today. I spent half the day outside not doing much, had coffee with a friend, watched the kids play soccer and had a nap. I made sure to take my anxiety meds (the ones that are to be taken as needed) just to keep me a bit more level. I still struggle to understand the vast difference between me being well and me being unwell. It is like two different people. But I am proud that I kept a bit of "my head switched on" last night. I understood, that it was not me and seeked for help. One day I want to be able to figure out myself how to make me feel better, but for now... I also knew last night, that with my meds I would eventually be able to sleep and that the world would probably look different the next day. I hate my brain playing tricks on me...

Hope you are all having a lovely Saturday evening. Thank you and big hugs to all!

@Former-Member, again, I relate to the 'two different' people aspect of bipolar, though it's become less intense as I've got older (54 this year), and with more appropriate medications than I used to take. Definitely not a morning person here, really struggle at that time of day. A night owl from way back. I am gradually trying to turn this around and having some success with it, though sleep is still overall a troublesome area of life for me, and this affects many other things. I like the idea of an afternoon coffee and/or a coffee pajama party some morning. I've actually had an all day dressing gown day today! Every now and then the feral in me just wants to break out and I can't stop it. I try not to worry about it too much when that happens these days. That just makes things worse. At least I'm feeling warm and relaxed, if not glamorous, lol. Hope your evening goes really well. 🙂

Hi @Former-Member

We could have a Saturday morning virtual come-as-you are bug cup of coffee - that would be really fun - it would get me out of bed anyway

One thing - about your "real" self and your "well" self - in one way - that's hard - and then again - that can be easy

After all - I keep changing as I get older - I have lived alone for my stars - over 25 years - 26 + and I am still learning. Things were so beastly when I had to go through the family court for a property settlement I fell apart - it wasn't the family court - it was that separated my ex and I actually got along fine - but then people change when property is involved - I had to be horrible to stop myself from being ripped off

Now I think that if people could split the difference in an equitable manner there would be a lot less sadness involved with breaking up - it is often for the best - but it is never easy

Still - we cannot change the pasts - we can only go on what happens today - and it seems your anxiety state can be severe - and sometimes it's okay

I hope your day was a good day - it sounds as if it was

Decadian

Good morning All,

it's cloudy here this morning so I cannot really see dawn approaching. I'm so glad the shortest day of the year is behind us.

I have a very busy week ahead. It has not even started but I feel so disheartened. July is going to be a hard month, I think my job is always too demanding, I sometimes joke I should be stacking shelves at the supermarket...

I know what I should be doing now as the dark clouds take over my mind, question is, will I?

Hi @Former-Member

I hope you can get through your day period this morning and have a nice day.

It is cold here too, we are about to leave home to go to the airport.

Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy.

Yeah, I get what you say about work - I sometimes wonder wouldn't it be easier just to pack shelves!!!! Hoping you have a better week this week.

Chat to you later. xxxooo