Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Taking charge of my well being!

Unknown userMember15 June 2016, 8:59 pm AEST

Taking charge of my well being!

Hello All,

I decided today not to go to hospital. I have a new psychiatrist, meeting a new social worker next week and I have another lovely social worker who meets with me, as well as a great GP who is always there for me.

I decided today that it is time to take charge of my well being myself. So as I am exploring new ideas I will keep a little diary here and perhaps it is useful for some other people that are struggling along the way.

I really want to look at the good sides of my life history. I have a lot of trauma to go through, but I don't want to forget the good times. So I made a random selection of photos of my husband. I want to make a scrap book and capture the love and the memories. In the book 8 Steps to Trauma Recovery there is a section about start with the end, or something like that. I made it through the trauma and I want to celebrate that I made it and capture the good times while I am feeling better. Over time I want to add my kids, my friends, my family, my uni years, my school years... whatever, one at a time, savouring the good times...

I know that just because I feel well today, tomorrow is another day. But it is ok, I will work on my ideas when I can. When I feel I can.

Big hugs to all x

332 replies

261 - 270 of 332

1...26 27 28...34

In response to: Taking charge of my well being!

DecadianSenior Contributor22 Aug 2016, 11:28 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

@Former-Member

That is fantastsic - what a great stride forward - you have a great list there

I could get into a lot of Freudian stuff about what happens in the unconscious mind - but enough to say - we have three voices all yelling at once - and you have captured that well - very well

Children are totally self-centred - it's perfectly normal to be so - our fast-track through those early years does buzz a few edges off - but child within still has it's voice and yep - bossy

And the teenager - Freud doesn't write about them - but yes - this is a time when the growing person within takes risks - wants to fly - wants to learn - wants to leave - and find their feet - and once it was gimme gimme gimme - the teen is letme letme letme

And the adult - how wonderful that modern psychology lets us know that adults at 18 are not adults at 30 - nor 30s at 45 - nor the growing older through maturity to either a wise owl or a stick in the mud - that depends on how we ourselves answer the voices of the damaged child - and nuture it - because all that happens to us when we are children is there - we do not forget

I hate it that you are a victim of crime - I am too - and no one was charged - so that is a hard one and no wonder you have been struggling and suffering - and you are right - it was not your fault

But here we are - mopping up the past - hard work - very hard - and yes - that child still needs to be vindicated and now your adult voice does the vindicating

You have written so much

And the best part - good moments and bad moments will happen in the future

I just noticed that your avatar is a little meerkat - I love meerkats - they are feisty little guys and it says a little something about you - I think you can be feisty

This will work for you

Decadian

In response to: Taking charge of my well being!

Unknown userMember24 Aug 2016, 3:48 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

Hi @Former-Member
Just sending you a hi, I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the best for discharge. In my experience it is always a mixed emotion time. Wishing you all the best

In response to: Taking charge of my well being!

Unknown userMember25 Aug 2016, 7:09 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

Hi @utopia @Decadian and @Former-Member

Life after the asylum still seems unreal. I am trying to gently get back into the real world.

I don't know about Freud or any other psychiatrist, I just try to notice how I feel. I'm still very vulnerable and emotional. And then I try to remember when I felt like that. That has shown me a couple of faces. I'm not really sure what the psychiatrist or my counsellor make out of my comments, if it makes sense for me, it's good enough for me. I don't need the label anymore.

I have seen some seriously mentally ill people - and I did not even set foot into the public system or a closed ward. I probably still just don't recognise that I was seriously ill when I admitted myself. I remember the nurses talking to me about my mental state and I remember some weird things that I did in the first few weeks. Things that I cannot explain. And I am glad I was in the safety of a hospital.

But I am better now and I am home. Hospital was not as scary as I thought it would be and I even made friends towards the end. I was ready to leave. But I understand now that this will be with me forever and that the stay in hospital just set the table for future therapy.

I am sorry I am very emotional tonight. I just want to lie here and cry and I might just do that for a while until it is time to take my meds and sleep.

In response to: Taking charge of my well being!

utopiaSenior Contributor25 Aug 2016, 7:20 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

@Former-Member. I love how you said that if your comments make sense to you, that's good enough. Labels / diagnosis sometimes help, sometimes they don't. But you have worked out for yourself, that it's ok to be you.
The first days back home can be a bit strange. You have to start cooking again for a start. Go gently with yourself.
Your right about the hospital stay being the beginning of your journey. Allowing you now to get into the nitty gritty of therapy.
Am happy for you & I wish you continued reflections on who you truly are. A beautiful generous soul.

In response to: Re: Taking charge of my well being!

TABSenior Contributor25 Aug 2016, 7:25 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

you're in good hands there @Former-Member re @utopia .. well I did a bit of reading it sorta figured tho..

In response to: Taking charge of my well being!

Unknown userMember26 Aug 2016, 6:37 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

Hi All,

At the moment I just wanna go back.

😞

In response to: Taking charge of my well being!

utopiaSenior Contributor27 Aug 2016, 1:20 am AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

@Former-Member. I understand that feeling. Sometimes I feel like it too. It's scary and different once you're home. You are surrounded by support in hospital. It feels safe. But over the coming days, you should start to feel more settled.
Can you practice some of the coping techniques you learnt in hospital? What about reading through some of the handouts and notes from therapy groups. I just re-read some of mine last night. They can remind you of steps to take that can help calm you.
Please let me know how you are feeling tomorrow.

In response to: Re: Taking charge of my well being!

AppleblossomSenior Contributor27 Aug 2016, 2:01 am AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

@Former-Member

Thinking of & feeling for you.

I have often had the fear of going somewhere .. and the fear of leaving that place and then the fear of facing my new situation without clear structures and support.

I have never been hospitalised for MI but I have been hospitalised for physical issues. At all times I did not feel comfortable leaving the hospital. The longest period in hospital was 4 weeks when I had Hep when I was 20. I really appreciated it and felt very vulnerable and strange for at least a week after my return 'home' to my flat. I had been independent since 16.

I have actually felt a bit jealous (I want to own my own jealous feelings and NOT have others presume what I am jealous of) of people when I visited them in hospital ... because it seemed a safer place than outside ..

Maybe an aspect of orphanage living stuck with me .. in a good way ... in the sense that I am institutionalised and comfortable with clear rules and structures. Far less comfortable with trusting individual and friendships etc... Sure I know there is therapy too ... but just asking the question .. to sew a seed .. which I could not answer for myself 10 years ago .. but I can answer better now .. ie the things that help me feel productive & safe.

Wondering if you can work out your own structures to put in place to make you feel safe and keep have a life good enough for you to want to live it.

Take care

Apple

In response to: Taking charge of my well being!

Unknown userMember27 Aug 2016, 10:38 am AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

Good morning @utopia and @Appleblossom

Perhaps I should treat the journey back the same as the transition into hospital. It took more than a week to settle and get used to the routines.

@utopia I feel better this morning. I am glad I am out of hospital, I just have to remember to take it hour by hour. When I start thinking of returning to work, therapy, memories, impact of medication, running a household, going to the gym, I just get completely overwhelmed. I've got to do all this very slowly. There is no rush.

I am doing my relaxation techniques daily and I meditate. I also make sure to tick off hygiene, sunshine, a little walk, eating... And of course taking my meds.

How are you both getting on?

In response to: Taking charge of my well being!

utopiaSenior Contributor27 Aug 2016, 1:40 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

@Former-Member. So glad that this morning is a little easier. Yes it gets overwhelming when you think about all the tasks you do to run a home, work & live your life. My hardest part of coming home was the responsibility of being a single parent again. I missed him when I was in hospital but was so relieved to have a break. Slowly day by day that has gotten easier. And my relationship with my son has improved so much.
It really is a case of trying just to think about one issue at a time. Your going to the gym, just focus on that. The house work and other concerns can wait. One task at a time. One hour at a time. You will start feeling more relaxed at home every day that passes.
@Appleblossom. I think it doesn't take very long at all to become institutionalised. My 4 weeks in the clinic, I saw many who came back regularly. It was more comfortable for them than the outside world. I could see how easy it would be to fall into that thinking.
I am extremely grateful for the time and help I had in hospital, but I decided when I was there that I didn't want it to be my fall back.

261 - 270 of 332

1...26 27 28...34