Taking charge of my well being!

Hello All,

a few days left before discharge.

I'm feeling confused and excited and scared and every emotion in the world.

I feel so insecure and I don't know if I can take the leap. I am just scared.

I don't even know what else to write. I know I need to talk to a nurse, but I am scared to do that too.

Just confused 😞

Sounds like a really overwhelming time for you @Former-Member.

Hang in there, it sounds like you're doing really well at identifying when you are overwhelmed and when you need support. Now it's just about reaching out when you know you're vulnerable. Coming online to chat with us is always a good first step! Next is the nurse 🙂

We are all behind you. Thinking of you ❤️ You can do this!

@Former-Member

Thanks, but I'm not sure if I can talk to a nurse about this. I just feel I am sabotaging myself.

Hey @Former-Member

I was exactly the same as you last week. I cried so much because I didn't want to leave. But deep down i knew i had to leave otherwise it would be worse the longer I stayed.

I did talk to the nursing staff at differrent times and they reassured me it was quite a normal feeling of mixed emotions before leaving.

I know you can do it @Former-Member. I am thinking of you xxxooo

Good morning @Former-Member @utopia @BlueBay and everyone else

Thank you for your messages and for thinking of me.

I did end up talking to a nurse (one of my favourite ones was on duty) and felt better after I told the truth. It IS scary to leave here, I am safe here, I have support 24/7 but this is not my life.

I feel the same about coping strategies - they work well when there is only one thing on my mind, but it is difficult when the world caves in.

Hope you all have a nice Sunday!

Hi @Former-Member

I read back on your thread - I dropped out of sight yesterday after the handyman came and did a quick spring-clean in my bedroom - there was a lot of dust under the bed - and clutter - pens, hair-clips and stuff like that - and one toy mouse I warned him might be there

But the dust - he said it wasn't too bad - I can't do heavy work like flip the mattress or vacuum - (asthma) - but after he left I was overcome with the dust - so - okay - I am here today

Leaving hospital - ah - well - over the last years I have been in hospital for medical reasons, and an operation - so in that respect - it is hard to identify with your situation - but I have been in the Melbourne Clinic in the past - before my son died - and I was in a revolving door situation - I would burn out and so my admissions were many and short and I would decide to go home - but would be readmitted the next time I burned out

But I don't know what to offer that might help - writing is a good thing - I use it - I have been writing for years - I used to write a journal - but with my computer I write and then delete it - which is better

And of course - you can ring Life Line - of course you will always get someone different - but at least stepping from hospital to home is one huge step - and you have been there for some weeks now - and I think I know this feeling - like - what do you hang onto when the world gets tough and the noise is overpowering - etc

That I understand - okay - all of us are here for you - and you can write whatever you need to here and we understand because now we are part of your story and you are part of ours

Take your time settling in - be easy on yourself

I am thinking of you

Decadian

Good morning All,

I hope you are all well and had a good weekend.

I am starting my final week in hospital now and I am trying to collect the knowledge I have gained - more the insights than the knowledge taught. I had a few light bulb moments and I am trying to capture them visually.

I've learnt that there is a past, a present and a future and everything changes all the time. My diary entry here will soon be in the past, so will be my visit to hospital. Friends will come and go. Good memories and bad memories will make up my past, good moments and bad moments will happen in my future.

I've learnt that the past cannot hurt me in the here and now.

I've learnt that there are three people inside me (the child, the teenager and the adult) and sometimes I need to figure out, which one is struggling so I can adjust my reaction to myself. I've learnt that all three are me and need nurturing, even if the child is in the past.

I've learnt that it is normal to have emotions.

I've learnt to take time out when I need a break.

I've learnt that there is no magic fix and I will need all my coping tools to get better slowly, very slowly.

I've learnt that I am a victim of crime and that what happened was not my fault.

So I will spend the remainder of my days here to visually capture the lessons I learnt.

I am still scared to leave hospital and I figured out it is the little child that is scared. Here I could do what I wanted, without any responsibility, stay in bed with my teddy, play and colour in when I want to, no expectations - now I need to learn how to stand on my own two feet again - better say, I need to remember and adjust where I need to.

So the child is sad to leave the sanctuary, the teenager cannot wait to be free to do whatever she wants to do and the adult is a bit worried to perform the way she used to. And all that is ok.

Take care all xox