Taking charge of my well being!

Hi @Former-Member

Life seems horribly unjust - I so totally get it -

Why was it always me that went off to hospital and paid so much to have pyscho-therapy - I understand what you mean

I can tell you one reason maybe - you are the one who got hurt - say - if you had been in a car accident and the other driver was at fault but not hurt - yes - you would be the one with the injuries - not the other person - and so you would be the one with all the pain and stuff - and that is so unfair

So you got hurt psychologically - and you are the one suffering while it seems the other person gets off scot free - and maybe the other people can live out their lives without the consequences

But it is my belief that we all have to confront our past at some stage - either in this state or afterwards -

Aw - I am so sorry about all of this

But that anger has to come out - I reckon it would not take much for me to be angry about things in my past - I would just have to scratch my head long ehough and think about things I know it is better not to now I know how useless all of that is/was

So it's back to work at the hardest thing you have ever done - like Dr. Phil all day and all night

But I am glad you have had weekend leave and it went well

Decadian

Good morining all,

@utopia and @Decadian it is so good to know that I am not the only one on this journey and that anger is such a normal emotion. I just have to learn how to cope with anger - and actually with every emotion. At least I am starting to recognise emotions now - that is a huge step. I can name an emotion without going off in a spiral. And I am starting to understand some correlations between emotions, when I am sad and cannot express my sadness I get angry. In general I need to learn how to safely express emotions. Before they take over.

@Decadian I don't believe I have to forgive. For me moving on is more important. I don't want to fogive some b* taking advantage of a young child, but I want to reconcile with that young child and tell her it is okay to be angry and sad and ... and take her by the hand and show her the brave new world of adulthood. I will pay more attention to my inner child in the future. The one that wants to rest and cuddle, do puzzles and look at the world in wonder.

@Former-Member thank you so much for thinking of me and being part of my journey. It is so good to know that I have virtual friends that are here and understand.

Big hugs to you all! xox

Hi @Former-Member

Wow - you are movig on well - you are taking some giant strides - this is so good - and learning about anger and sadness - this will help make major changes in your life - terrific!!

I think forgiveness means different things to different people - and whatever it means - leave it for now - part of forgivenes is moving forward - and nurturing that wounded abused child within you

Anyway - I don't believe that the abuser is ever free of what they did to us when we were children - I see my mother as a person who could not see anything she did was wrong - and paid dearly for it in the last years of her life - I could see this and I left her with it without feeling in the least guilty - I did not want to carry her grudges with me in my life - I have enough of my own things and some of those things have been really interesting and I have no reason to keep feeling that angry with her

But it is a journey - I still feel I have my work to do regarding TS (Toxic Sister) and when I feel bad it's because I can forgive what she did to me - but not the colateral damage that spun off what she did and caused pain to other people - so yes - I wonder if the task of learning to forgive is ever finished - and it is a tough subject.

As I have said often - I am not sure what it is - but I strongly believe that forgiving and forgetting don't belong in the one sentence - except this one - and so - forget for now and when time has passed - see what comes up and deal with it then -

I've been working on all of this for so long I wish I did not have moments when it comes around and smacks me, - but the good times are getting longer and the bad times shorter and easier to deal with and other people are doing work in their lives as well - so .............

For now you are doing very well - and nurture that child within - one reason people have self-hate is the abuse they suffered as children - if anyone could do that to them - they can't be of value to the abuser - but we can be of value to other people - most of all to ourselves - so this is really great to hear - that you are caring for the early versions of yourself - and you have started the long journey of self-realisation

Decadian

Good morning @Decadian @utopia @Former-Member and everyone else,

I have my discharge date. I am both excited and very anxious. Just writing those words makes me anxious.

Take a leap of faith. My thoughts are racing. But I have learnt how to calm the storm (a little storm) without medication, so this is what I will do now, sit down and meditate, take time out until the headache in the front of my head has eased.

And then I will start my day. Big hugs to all xox

Fantastic @Former-Member

Yes - you would feel nervous now you have your discharge date. Okay - can you tell us when it is?

I wish you all the best - you have done some really hard work while you have been in hospital - it has been really tough for you

I am looking forward to hearing about the rest of your life

Decadian