Taking charge of my well being!

@Former-Member -

I can tell you - this anger is a good thing - you will run out of anger - it might come back - in fact I am sure it will - but if you are looking at things for the first time - the anger will be at it's worst - and I am glad they are numbing it for now - you are in a safe place

I wrote a whole bunch of stuff and deleted it - so what was I going to say?

Oh yes - I had to scratch my head a bit - please stay - I like you - and about your favourite page on-line - is this a good page or not? - even though it's your favourite page and changes your thoughts

My mother died early last year - and my repressed memories were horrific - and for the first few months my anger was scary - but I had been pretty angry about her stuff for years - and as I went to therapy for all of this I could feel my anger running away - like the bath water when the plug is pulled out - and my thoughts about my mother changed and I could see how unhappy she had been and what she had done was really bad and I never caused the things that happened to me -

Anger is scary - that I know - and I didn't have anything to take for it - but maybe earlier in my life I did - I truly forget.

Right now you are in the middle of it - I can tell that it is scary - I have been so angry about different things in my life -

But this time will pass - and I am glad you have been numbed down a bit - strange though - you have to get angry and then they numb it down

But that's not a bad thing

I am thinking of you - and trying hard to let you know that this bad time is a healing time - when they take your appendix out they send you off on a deep sleep for the surgery - so having something for the removal of the worst of your anger is just like that

Yep - still thinking of you

Decadian

Hi @utopia @Former-Member

When it comes to bad behaviour in hospital - I acted in a terrible way when I had to spend a couple of weeks in a public psyche wing - for years I was embarrassed - but a few months ago I told my psychologist what I did over 30 years ago - and her reply and if I was going to relieve my emotions I was in the right place

Of course - not any bad behaviour - and to elaborate I indulged my anger and shouted at the drop of a hat - and while as that was noisy and might have scared people - no one could stop it - not even myself - and truly it was therapeutic - whatever ever caused me to try and obliterate my future was my helplessness of my situation - and I let everyone within earshot - several times

So the anger we have to experience to let these emotions out can be expressed in ways that do not hurt anyone in a safe place - and I am glad about what @utopia wrote here - I am surprise that it was the only time I did yell in such a situation

As far as anything therapeutic happening - my shouting was the only thing that seemed to happen - unless dazed patients sitting around in silence smoking helped people - but shouting - who could that hurt?

In all the years since I have never felt as bad as I did during those weeks - and I was to confront what I call My Descent into Hell. I wonder if I would have coped with what was to come had I not expressed myself so vividly and with so many adjectives - wow

So @Former-Member - you are in a safe place and as @utopia said - you are safe even if you don't want to be

So - a year or so later - after my son had died - I went to the football on clear winter afternoon - and my team was leading, losing, leading, losing - and I was exercising my lungs really well

The woman next to me said "Could you please keep your voice down?" - and I took advantage of my superior height and stared down my nose and said "Lady - we are at the football - this is where we come to release our oral aggression"

Yes - do not fear to let your anger out @Former-Member - in no way hurt another person - but all we have suggested - go for it -

You will feel so much better

Decadian

hi @utopia yeah, been there re gettin' caught up in it..good feeling.. not BB fan either, am not doing Olympics this time round

WTG @utopia

Enjoy the natural expression of the great and mighty sports - it's great to have a good yell - hurts no one

Even if our kids look at us as if we are strange and about to grow a tail and cloven hoofs - ah hooves?

Shout on - the world would be a quieter place without it I suppose - but not nearly as interesting

Basketball - I am not to keen on that either

But enjoy it

Decadian - darn - nothing green and yellow to wave - I will survive that

Good morning All,

glad to know I am not the only one where anger and rage can take over!

I don't really have much to say this morning, I am pretty drained, slept unwell and eventually decided on getting a sleeping tablet - that will haunt me all day long...

I feel flat this morning, it's still sinking in that I am not leaving the hospital anytime soon.

Have a good weekend x

@Decadian

The page I was refering to, areason, is something to read before making the final decision. I found it helpful - more than once now. I don't think I realy ever want to end my life, I want to end the pain and I have to learn to fo that in a healthy way.

Hi @Former-Member

I am glad to hear that - and understand - I made an attempt over 30 years ago and I never really wanted to end mine either - and I still remember the darkness and hopelessness of that night

Here I am so long after all that - feeling as if I had a purpose to fulfill - and did - and looking back for such a long time know I am still doing that - using my life and all my experiences to enhance what I do, what I say and what I write

It may take a long time before you reached a stage I did only a few weeks ago - when almost overnight my whole disfunctional relationship with my mother seemed old and tired - and although my mother died - or because she died - I had to deal with repressed memories - but amazingly - it happened quickly - and I hope forever

And whatever it is that eats you - makes life a nightmare - well - I hope this happens for you too - this might be the time when it all gets old and tired and boring and you finally let go of your sorrow and grief about the situation and see what it is clearly and let it pass - it will feel so much better

We must forgive - whatever that means - and I think that is different for everyone - but we never have to forget - the thing is we don't let it overcome us - and I know this is strange - and hard - but true

You will not forget - but in remembering - learn to hold fast to yourself - and find out who you are and what you are and your capabilities

I think you are doing well and it has been hell for you - and worse while you have been in hospital

Sending best wishes

Decadian