Taking charge of my well being!

Hi @Former-Member

Core beliefs - interesting - yes - I agree with you - our core beliefs begin in our childhood when we are most impressionable - and they are hard to get past

Even a healthy life style enforced by my strict but loving grandmother - no alcohol, smoking or gambling - and as good as that is - it can be challenging if they have never been examined

I am sorry it was so confronting for you - but your picture of yourself in an open heart speaks tonnes - I like the idea - and you are right - the people running the programme don't know how hard this would be for you and then - you say you behaved like a three year old - I don't condemn you for that - except that it is hard for a three year old to say what the problem is

So do that picture and let them know that you felt as if you were three years old and didn't have the words to say to describe your core values - damned from your own past

Draw the picture - and add what you feel - and show them

You are telling us and I hear you

Lots of hugs - you are working hard in hospital

Decadian [offering the older shoulder]

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@utopia wrote:

What does the three year old have to say? What would you say to your 3 year old self?

I am also stuck on this subject of core beliefs and where they came from. I cannot pinpoint a time they developed. They are just there. My values, my morals. But my psychologist keeps asking why I have these values. 'Because they are right', I say. 'Not to other people', he says. I don't know what I'm meant to say now.
Do you know?

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Hi @utopia and @Former-Member

Wow - you girls are into something deep - and I have to say something about both of these comments @utopia

I think I was really lucky that I have a sibling a year younger - I can remember having conversations with that person when we were very young - and we were untutored little linguistists and philosophers - we might have been right or wrong - but for children under 5 - we were thinking

And I remember it because we talked about it - and I have considered this often in later life

But the question - "What does a three year old have to say" is self-limiting because of "What does someone say to their three year old self?" - When intelligent children are talking to each other they need an adult to have a relevant imput and sadly - that adult may not have that skill and that knowledge

So then - how do we evaluate what a small child can say? If there is no other child to talk to at that age or the adult with the most contact with the child/ren - and is ignorant and abusive - as @Former-Member has said the thinking and the development of the core values can be and is likely to be skewed - so that is a very hard question

And @utopia - having your psycholigist say that although your core values are right for you they are not right for other people - you are left with an impossible answer - how can you know? - what do you say?

When we are young and at school - we learn a lot of unrelated data - and it takes years to sort out what's right for us and what is right for another person

How would I answer that question? I would be thinking in the fast-lane I think - but if it works for me and is not hurting anyone else - it has to be true to me

We are all different and bring different ideas to the table - just read this forums - we all bring our gifts here and leave them to be taken up by others or not

So - here it is

If it works for me and is not hurting anyone else then this is my starting point and I can build on it

I hope this idea works - it is one I have to test myself now I have thought about it

Decadian

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@Flower wrote:
Hi @Decadian,

How does your idea work for you?


Sometimes it is really hard. ... My reasoning is: if not now - then when?

I am still very much at the beginning

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Hi @utopia

How does my idea work for me? I did not think about it when I started my journey - which I have been told - was unusally young.

But I saw that my sibling and I went trapped by a fearful and domeering parent who had to be right in spite of their ignorance - and I was determined to protect my younger sibling and did

But this was at the beginning of a long journey into the present and I think beyond now - I can't see myself ending my journey into knowledge - it's almost an obsession for me

And it has worked very well - and you are at the start of your journey - and the insight you are gaining while you are protected within the hospital will prove invalubale

It's as if you are looking at a map - and behind where you are now is tangled with the lessons that did not work well for you - and this was not your fault - rather the fault of the 'teachers" in your life - but you have chosen not to stay there

So our whole life is a learning journey - and one we can start at anytime - take a break from - get back into and find different teachers - and a life filled with teachers is a life well-lived

As we grow into maturity we learn - and somethings will work and others won't - and have to sort it all out

So - you can start today - and for me - I can't seem to stop - so it's working for me

And I am rambling on - but you are making great strides while you are protected - and while there - you can and will learn to protect yourself as you open yourself to trust - which is easier said than done

Decadian

I think the title and content of this thread is SO IMPORTANT. @Former-Member

Core beliefs are important .. but what actually are they... I spent so much of childhood being a sponge for everybody else's beliefs that I did not articulate or verbalise MY OWN ... til well after I had left my marriage ..

survival was/is paramount.

A lot of the the beliefs others espoused were contradictory and my heart and mind was pulled this way and that. That is I was caught up in a religious war/divide about BELIEFS in my family ... now I can see some value on both sides of the fence ... but it took a heck of a lot of work to untangle it all.

I became educated but still did not really know who I was til 30 more years passed ...

It is just recently that I have any idea of what my core beliefs actually are.

some of them used to be .. 1) that I had to be there for everyone ... 2) that I had to do my best ... probably still are as it was laid down very deeply ... but I can also see the limits ... that sometimes it is nice if people are there for me and ... I dont always have to stretch myself to breaking point ...

I could never have articulated that at the time .. not at 3 ... 13 ... 23 ... 33 ..but starting at 43 and better at 53 etc

@Former-Member Maybe your psych was just wanting to open the dialogue a bit .. not putting you on the spot or to question them or make you stand up for your beliefs ... but discuss .. and see how many people come from different points of view. May share some but .. not all ..

I so love your idea about drawing a picture of 3 yo you.

One quote I have next to my mirror is

"For an unencumbered mind, get behind your story, but do not be ruled by it."

I now realise that

Good morning All,

this is the end of my third week in hospital. We have not even started talking about discharge 😞

Core values are confusing me. I think I will start a page with about a fictional person. A person that does not exist, and who's friend I am. And then I would like to share all my wisdom and experience with the person and help that person to find its own identity and values. Let's wipe the slate clean and start again.