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Taking charge of my well being!

Unknown userMember15 June 2016, 8:59 pm AEST

Taking charge of my well being!

Hello All,

I decided today not to go to hospital. I have a new psychiatrist, meeting a new social worker next week and I have another lovely social worker who meets with me, as well as a great GP who is always there for me.

I decided today that it is time to take charge of my well being myself. So as I am exploring new ideas I will keep a little diary here and perhaps it is useful for some other people that are struggling along the way.

I really want to look at the good sides of my life history. I have a lot of trauma to go through, but I don't want to forget the good times. So I made a random selection of photos of my husband. I want to make a scrap book and capture the love and the memories. In the book 8 Steps to Trauma Recovery there is a section about start with the end, or something like that. I made it through the trauma and I want to celebrate that I made it and capture the good times while I am feeling better. Over time I want to add my kids, my friends, my family, my uni years, my school years... whatever, one at a time, savouring the good times...

I know that just because I feel well today, tomorrow is another day. But it is ok, I will work on my ideas when I can. When I feel I can.

Big hugs to all x

332 replies

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In response to: Taking charge of my well being!

Unknown userMember07 July 2016, 2:34 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

@BlueBay I feel like all has been said with helplines and they cannot look in your head. I tried again today. I don't feel it makes a difference at the moment, nothing seems to make a difference right now.

@Decadian as much as I really want to keep the appointments, I am also getting guarded. Things are starting to spin a little out of control lately.

@utopia thanks, believe me I don't feel strong 😞

In response to: Re: Taking charge of my well being!

DecadianSenior Contributor07 July 2016, 2:45 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

@Former-Member

I understand - there are things I can't attend to at times - getting out of the house is one of them

And sometimes so is getting out of bed

I get it

@utopia

I understand about people seeming to be strong - I know this about myself - but when things go out of control - I don't feel at all strong

But history speaks for itself - so far - the times when I am not strong pass

So @Former-Member - do things as you can - even chosing not to do things can be a victory - at least we have the power to choose not to do something

I have to think about that last sentence myself

Decadian

In response to: Taking charge of my well being!

Unknown userMember07 July 2016, 5:21 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

I feel like everything is said and done. I am empty and numb. I had a nice lunch today, home safely now with hubby.

Back home waiting for bedtime to arrive. Just want to sleep. If this is what trauma therapy looks like than I don't know....

Anyway I sign off now. I hope your day has been ok.

Good night xox

In response to: Taking charge of my well being!

utopiaSenior Contributor07 July 2016, 6:14 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

Oh @Former-Member. I feel for you. You may not feel strong, but you are surviving. And you are here sharing with us
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make things better for you.

Sending you my thoughts and hugs. Night

In response to: Re: Taking charge of my well being!

Unknown userMember08 July 2016, 5:16 am AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

Good morning,

I hope you are all doing ok and have at least something to look forward to on the weekend.

I am in split minds about whether to give the forum a break today & this weekend, just to settle and I am not sure how much it contributes to my ruminating. You're definitely all a fantastic support and I will miss chatting to you, but I'm setting myself a challenge.

Okay, to be realistic: I set myself the challenge TODAY not to come back to the forum, nor to contact a helpline or see my GP. Just for TODAY I will focus on the project I had all week for and need to finish today. Just for TODAY I will call my husband or my friend when I need someone friendly on the other line.

And tomorrow is another day.

Big hugs to you all and I really hope you're doing ok. I've been so self centred all week, that I barely looked left and right, if there was someone else who needed support.

In response to: Taking charge of my well being!

Unknown userMember08 July 2016, 2:13 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

My resolution lasted only a few hours, then I checked in with my GP who is increasingly concerned about my limited reasons to live. Hmm, I never thought of it that way, but I don't really want to die either. If I could understand myself I would be so much better off...

In response to: Taking charge of my well being!

utopiaSenior Contributor08 July 2016, 5:34 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

Good to hear from you @Former-Member. I'm glad you contacted your GP. Has he recommended a change in medication or a hospital stay? I c think a hospital stay would offer you a lot of hope.
what is the project you have been working on this week?

In response to: Re: Taking charge of my well being!

Unknown userMember09 July 2016, 5:54 am AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

Good morning All,

@utopia how are you? Any plans for the weekend?

The GP did discuss hospitalisation once again, he would prefer voluntary admission. I still believe I can push through this, I made it on my own before. I sometimes feel like I have a 5 year old throwing a tantrum inside my head.

I felt overwhelmed with my task this week - I had to make a technical presentation, but I managed and fingers crossed it will be a deal breaker. I was able to focus yesterday at work - probably because the deadline was looming.

I am taking it easy this weekend - as always - and will look at some creative projects and also make a list of reasons to live. I just thought about a pro- and con list, but that would be very lobsided. Pro: 1. I don't have to suffer anymore, nothing else on the Pro list. I think I will also make different lists for different states of distress, like one "things to look forward to / bucket list", "people I love", "consequences for people I love if I go ahead". That'll keep me busy for the weekend, and my GP actually suggested that I spend some time thinking, which I didn't want to at the time.

In response to: Re: Taking charge of my well being!

DecadianSenior Contributor09 July 2016, 12:16 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

I can hear you @Former-Member

It must be so burdensome carrying all that weight around all the time

It's a good thing to write out reasons to live - even so short - I wonder how long the lists for reasons to die would be - hopefully short with only one reason - no more suffering

We have to work these things out for ourself - I have had enough suffering too - but I still seem to fill my day with interesting things - I could write a list about that -

So I know you have been told to spend the weekend thinking - what a wonderful suggestion - I love thinking - it's just about my favourite thing

I wish you the best @Former-Member - winter is a tough time of year

Decadian [sending hugs]

In response to: Taking charge of my well being!

utopiaSenior Contributor09 July 2016, 3:42 pm AEST

Re: Taking charge of my well being!

Thanks@flower. Sounds like you had really pushed through on yiur project. Well done. That takes extra strength when your not feeling 100%.
I like yiur ideas of writing lists. Who do you love? Who loves you? Wgat has brought you joy in the past? What talents do you have / have had?
Started cleaning out my garage today. My mum came and gave my son and I a hand. At least 18 months ir more of dust and cobwebs. Yuk. & then there was the mouse poo. Didn't see any if the little buggers though. Threw iut a heap of Old broken toys & other broken bits and bobs. Took 2 hrs. Tomorrow my son and I are going to move some if the furniture around in the garage and reset the pool table, foos ball table & ping pong table. Hand the big cork board up and attach the dart board thats never been unpacked. I've always wanted the garage to be set up as a bit of a hang out for my son and his mates. Bloody huge job. Still have boxes if tools to go through - seems I inherited everybodys tools when they died. lol. (don't even know how to use them).
Next weekend I'm going to get my sister to come & pick up her lounge suite and arm chair & all other furniture I've stored for her fir the last 8 years. Then I'll have my spare bedroom back. Can't wait.
I've been feeling really good for a few weeks now. Happy even (surprised myself when I realised I truly was happy). I don't tend to focus on the 1 or 2 things that go wrong during the day. Instead I notice what I've enjoyed. Freezing outside - how nice & warm I've been inside. House not clean - how much I enjoyed the book I just read. Stuff like that. I think the sleeping tablets have had the most effect. My brain has been getting a rest & then I've been better able to work with my psychologist & psychiatrist & I can do mindfulness & relaxation exercises. Just feel so much better than I did a few short months ago.
I got through it & I'm certain you will too. You amaze me with what you have already achieved to keep yourself safe. And I think the lists will help as well.
So exhausted now (doesn't take much). Might be time fid a nap for me. Gently does it. One step at a time - for BOTH of us.
Have a good weekend.

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