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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember04 Oct 2019, 8:39 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Had two disappoints this morning, (my son having NO time for me... and the car buyer changing his mind before even looking at the car). So we got proactive and did a mini roadtrip, day trip, just for the heck of it. Went well, saw x quaint little country towns x4 town, and one big town, checked out all the Op shops of cause. Beautiful country views, rolling hills, cattle... Took Georgia dog who just loves going out. Have a bumper cusion so she can see out the window, but she still seems to find me more interesting, quite unnerving at times... being watched. Cute.
Anyway, just popping by, sharing my day.
Aching all over a
So gone to bed early tonight. Dogs exhausted too, but glad I turned bad onto good 💜💙💜💙🌷🦉

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor04 Oct 2019, 8:49 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Sounds like a lovely drive @Former-Member 🌷

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor04 Oct 2019, 10:40 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

It is lovely that you got out for the road trip and turned the bad into good @Former-Member .

I have been taking Toby everywhere with me these holidays too - he also likes to look out the window (side and front) but only really looks at me when we stop. Sometimes he sleeps on the front seat and sometimes he does laps of the back of the car - depends how long we have been out. He knows when we are going to my sisters and starts making little woofy sounds when we get to her corner ...he is the same when we go to my parents' - they really are smart little creatures.

I hope after some sleep the aching subsides Hon. You have had a big day so sleep well @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember05 Oct 2019, 4:55 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope, and @Zoe7 @@, yes the aches and pains sure mess with fun but the drive was rewarding.
Our pets are so worth the trouble. Toby sounds like a scream, really cute and soooo active. Know why you take him to the beach now lol. First thing on my drive was dropping off two big bags to charity, and a coffee table. Got too much stuff here already.so felt good. 🌷🦉

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor05 Oct 2019, 9:12 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 💛💚💙❤🧡💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember05 Oct 2019, 11:30 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @outlander 💙🌷🦉

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor05 Oct 2019, 11:56 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Toby loves the beach - he runs around on the sand and ahead of me when we are walking but always looks back to make sure I am still there @Former-Member It is pretty cute. When we get there he jumps out of the car and runs straight onto the beach. Much like when ew go to my sister's or parents' place - he starts doing laps of the car and makes woofy sounds as we get to the turn off to the beach - he gets so exxcited

So good you dropped things off at the charity bin. I am planning on doing a big clean out here next holidays and no doubt there will be a lot that can go to the salvos. Getting things thrown out from the garage and that sorted is the first step though as it will provide more room to store things in there rather than inside the house.

How are your aches and pains today?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember05 Oct 2019, 12:11 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Zoe7 , lovely to hear from you. And how Toby's excitement gives you joy. Georgia gets that when I pick up her dog lead or put my joggers on. Infectious. So cute ❣️ My aches and pains, hmm 😞 gets me down, it's in so many joints now I'm sure it's a serious inflammatory thing going on. Doctors are not good with wiring the big picture so it's - one joint at a time with them... I find it impossible and giving up really, and can't do most pain relief re asthma and mood reactions. The herb tumeric helps if I cook with it a couple times a day. My back the worst, but all down Rt side from shoulder to ingrown toenail atm. Want to sit still but that's not living. Best not talk more on that. Honestly think Im dying (10-20yrs older than I am) do so just gotta hold my own as long as I can. Hope I make it to my BIG roadtrip round Australia - that's my plan next year if my stamina improves.

🌷🦉

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor05 Oct 2019, 12:22 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Toby gets excited when I pick up my keys or put on my hat as he knows he is probably going for a drive. He also knows when it is a work day and takes himself off to his pillow in the spare room where he sleeps most of the day when I am at work. They are funny little creatures - have their habits and individual personalities - sll so lovely to have in our lives @Former-Member Georgia sounds like a special little girl too and wonderful company for you

I certainly hope you get to do your road trip - so much to see and do and you can take your time going where you want when you want. It would be good to get on top of the aches and pains a little more first - at least enough to be able to manage while you are travelling. I have everything crossed that that can happen for you - you so deserve to follow that dream Hon

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember05 Oct 2019, 1:51 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Loce that, how Toby takes himself off to his pillow in the spare room to sleep most the day when youre at work. Hes So intelligent. Georgia's not so smart but learns fast. She freaked out with the neighbours lawn machinery this AM - hates big noises, needs lots of cuddles. My aches and pains are likely to deteriorate but losing some weight is probably to best game changer before then. Drs can't help me with that.

Thaks for saying "you so deserve to follow that dream" - nobody speaks to me like that irl.

Well, I've had my rest, gotta get up. I'm trying to put together this Garden Bed, my brain doesn't wanna process the instructions 😞 need to concentrate harder. Back later ❣️🌷🦉

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