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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember02 Oct 2019, 8:57 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Aww thanks @ Adge @ Faith-and-Hope @ outlander Didn't expect such quick replies. Thanks.. I am a bit worried about the teariness building up, but thank you for popping by. Haha Adge, you made me chuckle - your post... not to play down the no 'friends' thing. - crying and laughing at same time here... Is that the definition of crazy? lol

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor02 Oct 2019, 9:00 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

we're always here for you @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor02 Oct 2019, 9:03 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

This one's good too @Former-Member It applies to "Virtual Friends" as well...

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember02 Oct 2019, 9:09 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

You're funny @Adge 👍

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor02 Oct 2019, 9:16 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember02 Oct 2019, 10:12 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member . Sorry I havent responded before now. Been a busy day for me today with a couple of medical appointments for hubby. And to be honest I havent felt like doing much at all this afternoon. I did read your post earlier today where you mentioned that you had read posts between other members and that it was making you feel alone, or abandoned. Really sorry you felt that. I hope you feel a little less so now? Certainly you have had a lot of lovely responses through the day.

I am only now getting back to you on a post you put here on 17th September. I read it at the time, but was offline for a week or more then, so never responded. But I would like to now. So here goes.

Firstly .... I'm totally with you on this ... you are definitely not stupid, silly, an elephant in the room nor, in my personal opinion, do you come across as delusional. I see you as a very sensitive, caring, intelligent and compassionate person. I also want to reassure you that I pulled away from the forums when I did, not because of you, but because of me. And thanks so much for your lovely words where you said you appreciated my words of wisdom and care. That was lovely of you, and I very much appreciated that when I read it during my time off the forums. It actually warmed my heart.

You asked on the Far and Away thread this morning about what my big win was. I did explain it on that same thread yesterday. But very briefly, I won a consolation prize in a very large national race tipping competition, by coming equal first. If I had tipped 7 from 7 winners in a race meeting on the weekend, I would have shared the major prize of $50K. But nobody tipped all 7 winners in the nominated races. But a consolation prize is awarded under those circumstances. So I shared in a $5,000 prize with the other 3 equal top tipsters. So I will receive $1,250. A big win and I was thrilled to bits, proud as punch. I should receive it into my bank account within 28 days. As hubby and I are going to Perth next week to visit his ailing 93yo Dad, it will come in handy to help pay the credit card bill. So its very timely.

Its so nice seeing you getting around a lot more lately EOR, and please always remember that there are people here for you. All of us here want to support you in whatever way we can. You are one of us and I, along with many others here, like and care for you a lot. I'm sorry I cant always be here for you, but I will be when I can. For whatever value that is to you. And I know others will be too.

Kindness and care always.

Sherry 💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember02 Oct 2019, 11:26 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member, that's real nice if you to say. I honestly thought you'd taken sides (and as usual for me, it wasn't mine) but guess it's a huge forum and so many of you already have such full lives irl (not like me). Now I'm blubbering again, don't know what's going on inside, mixed up.
Appreciate you taking the time and energy to drop by tonight, and explaining things, helps 💙💜💙💜
EOR🌷🦉

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor02 Oct 2019, 11:51 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member It sounds like this Bereavement group was a very supportive and compassionate group of people. It is great you made it and even better that you felt comfortable there. I hope it cn be a regular thing for you and you csn make some good connections.

So lovely of the local chemist to offer to drop off your tablets tomorrow - that is one advantage of a small town - easy to provide that service. Still he didn't have to do that so he sounds like a really nice guy.

I hope the tears and sadness has decreased tonight - certainly not a nice way to start your day - mornings like that cn often affect our whole day so it is even better tht you mde it to the group.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember03 Oct 2019, 8:46 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7, good to hear about your serious garage orojepr these holidays. A tidy living environment helps settle the mind. Im challenged in this regard of late. Hugzz 💙💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor03 Oct 2019, 11:50 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Garage is going slowly today @Former-Member It is already really warm here and that means the garage is super hot - so I can only do a little at a time and then need to get out of the heat. The next big job is moving all the timber, plaster and chipboard. Once that is done I can get to everything behind it. I already know it won't be done today so not pushing myself too much in the heat.

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