why can't I cope longer?

I totally get where you are sitting @Former-Member I used to feel pretty much the same all the time - depression can certainy take hold and make us feel worthless and useless. You are on AD but you may need a change in those meds or even an increase - something to think about talking with your GP/pdoc with. It took me nearly 2 years and many changes of meds and doses to get to the right mix that worked but we did get there, That doesn't help you right now though with all that you are feeling but hoping getting some of it out and being heard helps a little.

Moving is also a big thing that disrupts your life - so factor in that change is not always easy to deal with and that would be adding to the pressures you feel. ...and having your church supports away is also a scary thing as you don't have that support that you hve relied on in the past.

All of this coming at once would be leaving anyone doubting where they are at. Getting through these things is hard for you but get through day by day an feel free to tag me in here if you need thst extra support

Depression does suck @Former-Member but you have got a few things done and that is a positive. I think that we focus so much on the negatives that the positive things we do get passed over. It is a bit like conditioning our children or even puppy dogs - the more we recognise and reward the good things the more they will be done. Depression I see a bit like that - if we start to recognise the good things we do more often then our negative self talk lessens over time . It is by no means an easy thing to do though and takes lots of practice as I we are often predisposed to recognise and react to the negative stuff and then that takes over our lives.

Losing you support people for a time would be contributing to how you are feeling as it seems that those people are significant influences in your life and when you rely on something that is no longer there it can hit us quite hard. How long will they be away for?

Happy to chat with you @Former-Member and if that makes you feel a little less alone right now then that makes me happy as well. SOmetimes we need that support and don't feel like you can't reach out when you do because you deserve it as well.

@Former-Member

Yes I have felt like you. Anyone look at me the wrong way or tell me something I didn't want to hear, that's it, I would be off. Easily irritated. Quick to anger. Rage burning in my blood. And it was not like me. I'm not like that normally.

So I told my psychiatrist, loud and clear, and probably rudely, what I was dealing with. He reduced my anti depressant straight away and added a mood stabiliser. Instant relief. I was back to my normal self and even better, my Depression disappeared.

Yes, you have a therapist and are taking your meds, but sounds like your meds need adjusting. This isn't who you are.

I hope you find relief soon.

Thanks @Zoe7, appreciate you 🙂

@utopia, wish you could say what the mood stabiliser is 😕 Sounds exactly what I need. Glad youre here 🙂

@Former-Member. Tell your psychiatrist what you are dealing with and I'm sure he/she will know what meds will work best for you.

Good luck.

@utopia is right @Former-Member tell your psychiatrist what you are dealing with and hopefully they will add in a med to help. I also have a mood stabiliser and it helped me with mydepression. The biggest impact for me was my sleepy meds - getting then right meant I not only can sleep now but it also helps me function each day and more importantly that allowed me the space and time to deal with my thoughts. I couldn't cope with those when I was so tired so sleep, and consistent sleep, allowed me to deal with things so much better.

Thanks @Zoe7 & @utopia, helps to know how others navigate through this.

I'm reluctant to start any new long term medication.

Actually haven't seen a psychIATRIST for 7yrs, only psychOLOGISTS on & off, who frankly help more.

Yesterday I met a new psychologist, started a new mental health care plan (MHCP) - you know, those x6 maybe x10 subsidised visits a year... See how we go. Last year's psychologist was a waste of breath. Just there for the money I think.

This psychologist seems OK, BUT, she's going away for a month 😕 and I can't 'get in' to see her 'till mid Feb now... even though I feel in crisis and there's no otherother affordable MH support 😞 Accept Lifeline, who I actually called for the first time in 3yrs last week. And even they shut you down after 20min 😞 We really are on our own guys.

All is not lost though, psych gave me homework:
1. write a letter to these two relatives I'm so angry with / hurt by. Don't mail it, just write to them.
2. don't internalise what others say about me... (whatever that means ;/ any ideas???)

Psychologist said she'll need to discuss a MH 'management plan' with my GP first (whatever that means, any ideas? do ya think she's gonna lock me up? or try put me on antipsychotic? 😞 Really hate that they jointly have the power to make 'orders' for meme, behind my back... Two women almost 1/2 my age 😞 - honestly, what do they know about life? Domn it! I need 'support!' not a bloody 45min hour chit chat & a bottle of pills.

Ha! they really have got this Mental Health industry geared for the provider - not the consumer.

Sad that its all we got to work with.

I opened that bottle of sleepers I found in my spring clean efforts, did a count, - it only had x4 left - only nock me out for 24hrs if that

.. Oh well...

there I go again, down blackdog lane.

Betta get up, have some brekky, take my meds & dress. Gotta do an online rental application at the library today (can't tether my laptop to internet for some reason), maybe look at a couple of rentsl places. Betta get going, what a pain, just wanna ho back to bed.

Thanks for listening.