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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

You so do deserve to follow that dream @Former-Member You have been through so much and now is the time for you. Everyone else can deal with it and should be happy for you when you get to go. Keep working on the weight thing - you'll get there Hon. Sometimes when we have a really exciting goal in mind like you travelling around Australia you find that little extra inspiration - and of course you have support here to encourage you along

Toby barks at noises outside but mostly people talking when they walk past. He is a very good little guard dog and has a bark much bigger than what his size would suggest ...he is very loud

Goodluck in putting together the garden bed. I don't usually follow instructions - they never seem to be easy - but if I have a picture I can put things together from that - I am a very visual person. ...give me an image, some measurements and I can make just about anything ...it also really helps when I am drawing - can copy an image for the kids pretty quickly. When I was teaching Art I would have kids come in at lunchtime to colour in pictures I had drawn for them off images they would choose off the internet - it was always a really lovely time with them.

Hope Georgia is supervising like Toby does and your get everything done you want to do this afternoon. Catch you later

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hallelujah! I did it! @ @Zoe7 @

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I am really looking forward to seeing these photos @Former-Member - knew you would work it out

I managed to move all the timber off the shelves, raise one shelf higher then stack all the timber back on it ....then move all the bigger stuff onto the bottom of the shelf. It took a couple of hours but it is another big job done. It will also make it easier now to sort out the rest of the stuff as I have room to work inside the garage - therefore it doesn't matter if it rains or not I can do it any day inside.

Going to begin sorting out some of the stuff I have brought inside the house tonight - my kitchen looks like a tip shop lol

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Images up @Former-Member It looks amazing - and you have already planted things - so cool. 👍💐

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7 good on ya adjusting @@the shelve rearranging suff. Room to move now 👍 Sounds like heavy work. Well done! Progress is Good 🎖️

Totally get how your "kitchen looks like a tip shop lol" Sorting always looks worse before it gets better 💙🌷🦉

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

It certainly does @Former-Member I have one mre week to get it all done. I wanted to have it finished this weekend but with all that is going on with Cat I haven't had my heart in it ...maybe tomorrow I can make a bigger indent - see how early I can get up and into it.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow - or are you going to sit outside and admire your handy work from today?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Don't know @Zoe7 , haven't thought that far. Feel bushed! Having to have laydowns. Might skip dinner tonight, have a pain pill lol

Just got msg from Bro4 saying dad's suddenly 'got worse' (whatever that means). Might need to go visit him. Life sure keeps up the challenges. I'll ring his RN shortly.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

That doesn't sound good @Former-Member Let us know what the RN says and if you have to go visit then go. Would you take the car or van?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi there @Maggie @Adge @Gazza75 ... I see ya in the background. 💙💜❤️🧡💛💚

Gotta go make a cuppa, ring dad...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi there @Former-Member

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