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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor01 Oct 2019, 11:02 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Back from my little trip @Former-Member I took Toby with me for the company. He loves coming in the car with me and I love having him with me. Withdrawn the money I needed from one account and will head to the other bank tomorrow to deposit some for my mortgage. I get some each fortnight deposited into that account but I had to use some this fortnight so need to top it up before my mortgage comes out in a few days. I also need to go to Kmart and the chemist but they are all next to each other so a quick trip tomorrow to do it all - then back home to work on the garage. I'll have to get everything out and sorted tomorrow to make up for lost time today but I am planning on starting early so I will see how I go.

Stopped by Maccas and got a chocolate sundae on the way back tonight - a small treat for myself that I enjoyed ...and of course I gave Toby a lick of ice-cream too He is asleep now and looking very peaceful. I'll move him soon to the bed and won't be too far behind him.

Hope you sleep well tonight too Hon. I will let you know how I go getting things done tomorrow

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember01 Oct 2019, 11:42 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Love to hear how it goes... motivate each other. I just cooked up some meat in meals to freeze and did dishes. My back is really sore back to bed. Catch up tomorrow 💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor01 Oct 2019, 11:44 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I'm off to bed too @Former-Member Hope your back is better by tomorrow. Goodnight Hon

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember02 Oct 2019, 9:14 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh dear, I was going through recent posts and seeing you all chatting and suddenly became overwhelmed with feeling isolated again. Not fair having feelings. People are allowed to ignore and reject others. Who am I to think for a moment I deserve anything more. I am dust at the end of the day. But since suicide isn't an option (thats what rejection triggers in me), I do need to maybe be where I don't feel like that - take a break from here. Go do-do-do something. 🤔 Just Me, dog + God is ok too I guess 💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember02 Oct 2019, 9:38 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member

I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling ignored and rejected - It is horrible to feel left out!

I just wanted to let you know that I have sent you a check-in email.

Please take care of yourself today.

Kindest Regards,

Amour_Et_Psyché

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember02 Oct 2019, 8:39 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks Amour_Et_Psyché, nobody's done anything wrong, I'm just really lonely and seeing other people dancing around me highlights that, and when it's happening in real life too, is just a message I'm unacceptable. Everywhere. Blackdog talking...

My day started off with a lot of tears over anything and everything but it picked up. I finally got the courage to make it to the local Bereavement support Gp and met some lovely people. And it wasn't clicky. Saw a man cry today. Good for me to see males can be human too. Everyone there lost partners, I was the only one who'd lost a child (+mum last year, +neighbour friend last month +++) but the grief experiences all overlap. Tears. Yummy munches 🙂 Think I talked too much.
Grabbed some curtains at the op shop,
My chemist is having major Reno and couldn't find my iron tablets... the boss offered to drive them out to me tomorrow... how sweet is that!
Just seeing if anyone's around. No pressure 🦉

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor02 Oct 2019, 8:44 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

This is me @Former-Member Maybe it's some consolation, knowing that others feel that way too.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor02 Oct 2019, 8:45 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member

Just a quick fly-by to let you know I am listening ....

I am still in the library at uni working late, so I can’t stay and chat just now, but sending you a hug for your up and down day 💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor02 Oct 2019, 8:47 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 🌼
im really glad to hear your day picked up. sounds like you've got yourself a bargain with the curtains and a kind gesture from the workers at the chemist too 🙂

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor02 Oct 2019, 8:51 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

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