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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor29 Sept 2019, 7:15 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@MDT Thank you for popping in here for @Former-Member last night

@Former-Member This term I am back to doing the support role. I am not looking forward to it after being back on class this last term. It can get quite monotonous and boring at times but the up side is less planning. marking and organising so more time to myself after work ...and aligning that with daylight savings it should give me more time to head to th beach occasionally with Toby as well as do some things around the house.

How are you feeling today Hon?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember29 Sept 2019, 8:49 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Morning @Zoe7, shame when theres no challenge in our paid work - monotonous and boring. Maybe the universe needs you to take a back seat for a while while still acknowledging that you have much to offer. You might be being guided to find fulfilment with a common interest group or volunteering elsewhere in the community, you have much to exchange.
I'm ok,vwas last night, just get lonely, no anxiety or major SI, just flat. Think i should cope better by now, big enough to handle it on my own, just me and God, and dog really, but age doesn't seem to have much to do with it. Gotta stop thinking, just get on with the garden and dog and van 🌻
Thanks for checking in, it's nice 🌷

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

MDTSenior Contributor29 Sept 2019, 10:15 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Gday @Former-Member @Zoe7

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor29 Sept 2019, 10:15 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

zIt was good to have the time I did in the first 2 terms to work my way back into 4 days at work - that is how it should have been at the end of last year when it was handled extremely badly by all involved. I certainly do want to be back on class now - there is so much more fulfilment and joy in that for me.

It is not a nice feeling being lonely Hon and not having your friend/neighbour around anymore would be making that so much harder. Feeling flat is hard too - does not allow for any energy or motivation so it would be great if you could fight through that and get into the garden,van or play with your fur baby. I have my little fur baby snuggled next to me still. He mved onto the cushion behind me when I layed down earlier but is now back snuggled on the doona with me. They do give us so much to smile about.

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember29 Sept 2019, 10:01 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Been thinking of you my friend. Gosh how different little Georgia looks after her haircut. What a beautiful girl. Just adorable. Love your new profile pic too. Hoping you're doing okay.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember30 Sept 2019, 1:10 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Former-Member, means a lor to see you again 💜💙
@Zoe7, our fur babies sure keep us going. Life does tend to eb back and forth like the ocean, we just gotta stay afloat 💞

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor30 Sept 2019, 4:49 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Staying afloat at times is the hardest part @Former-Member but yes our fur babies sure do keep us going - so lucky to have them

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember30 Sept 2019, 8:21 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Speaking of FurBabies... my Georgia loves soaking up the morning sun ☺️ You were P really early this morning @Zoe7 - hope you got some sleep. Are you on school hols a couple of weeks now, like here in NSW. - can you get away for a bit?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor30 Sept 2019, 10:31 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Love seeing Georgia laying in the sun @Former-Member Cat loves doing that but Toby is too much of a snugglepot and stays close to me.

I was up super early and stayed up for a while before falling back asleep on the couch finally. Fed the fur babies and watched a little tv before that. I am still very tired but yes it is school holidays so I can relax and sleep again if needed later. I am not going away anywhere - much like Toby I am a home body but also cannot afford to go anywhere. If the weather is okay this week I will take Toby to the beach.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember30 Sept 2019, 11:10 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

The beach sound lovely @Zoe7, is it far? I need help to get moving. I so wish I could go to a retreat somewhere where they do meals and meditation classes and had a dr to pull together all my health problems in one hit (instead of all these dragged out apts the way it is. I feel so old and forget things. I need help to build a routine again. I had one while caring for dad, I'm better at it when it's for others. But winter and fatigue... I get down.

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