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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor23 Sept 2019, 6:41 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Checking in with you Hon to see how you are

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember24 Sept 2019, 9:29 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi precious souls, hope you're all pushing through the bad and holding onto the good. I have to rush Georgia dog off to be Groomed shortly (luchy girl), the have ultrasound f/up of tawn knee tendon. Proud of myself, already done an hour's gardening. Beautiful sunny morning. Thanks for thinking of me. I read along in the background a lot, miss yas often but... Oooh 😯 time, gotta run 💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

MaggieSenior Contributor24 Sept 2019, 10:01 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 💜💜💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember27 Sept 2019, 11:16 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Different dog, same love ❣️

It's taken a while but I'm bouncing back, Having trouble maintaining the house, but I'm in the garden more I guess, bit too sensitive for this world me thinks... but beauti ful Spring weather helps.

My friend (who died), her son has got serious about helping me sell my car (as arranged by his mum) Didnt expect he would. Forcing me to be a little more social, getting me outa the cave. Gonna be invaluable having that male voice to do the talking for me.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember28 Sept 2019, 11:15 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Just popping by to see whose around. Had a big cry before... feeling so awfully alone in the world. Reality is I could drop dead and nobody would miss me for... probably 2wks. Dog would die by then. All dark thinking. But real. Just didn't wanna be like this ever. Don't think I've done it to myself, not deliberately... and I can't control others interpretations, perception and beliefs toward me. Thing is, I go out of my way a lot for others... but it doesn't seem to come back to me, certainly not from my family. "Whats in itifir me" attitudes... TakeTakeTake... I'm so burnetout by them.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor28 Sept 2019, 11:21 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

So sorry you are feeling like this @Former-Member and you have been let down so much by your family. It is horrible when others take so much but give nothing back in return. That is actually something I have been thinking about a lot lately myself ...and here is not immune to that either. Sometimes we need to cut ties with those that cause us stress or distress and even more so when we have given so much of ourselves and still felt alienated in return. You have friends here Hon and as little as that probably means right now it is something.

I really need to head to bed @Former-Member but going to tag @MDT here as I know he is still around and I would not like you to be sitting with these feelings alone. Love and hugs

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember28 Sept 2019, 11:21 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

How's this for cute tonight! She doesn't wanna get down off my chair lol Talk about puppydog eyes ,😊

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember28 Sept 2019, 11:26 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

That's ok thanks @Zoe7, I don't know Hansolo very well. Sorry you've felt isolated and had such a big week. Love to hear what next term has in store for you. It is late. Sleep well 💌

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

MDTSenior Contributor28 Sept 2019, 11:31 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Former-Member
I am still up. You've been about the forums and I've seen you support my posts too.
You are a valuable presence here 🙂
Sorry to hear you are having those feelings and thoughts though

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember29 Sept 2019, 2:09 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @MDT 💜 thanks for popping over, I keep nodding off, thanks for kind words. I'm ok, just felt crushingly lonely earlier but ok. You're probably asleep and I'm gonna nod off again soon, so good night 😴

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