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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember06 Sept 2019, 5:56 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @outlander How you doing today?

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor06 Sept 2019, 6:00 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Showered is a great start @Former-Member Can you go to the chemist tomorrow? I need to do the same. Have enough meds to get through the next few days though so can go anytime over the weekend.

I am going to have a chicken and tomato sandwich - bought the chicken for Cat but can have a little myself now she is back eating her own food. Will of course give Toby some as well

I am very relieved tonight that Cat is eating again and that all the birdhouses at school are done. Got an extremely sore finger from an accident with a hammer yesterday but I can look at it with the knowledge that all the birdhouses are done - so much stress over the last couple of weeks gone. I honestly did not think we would get them all done when I was sick right in the middle of doing them - but the kids worked so well together (and I worked my last 2 Thursdays off) and we got there. Amazing how much the kids enjoyed doing them too.

I don't intentionally block people but I do often turn my mobile to silent and my home phone down so I can avoid people. The last thing I need after talking all day at work is to talk at night too - I like my space and rest time.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor06 Sept 2019, 7:29 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

im ok for now @Former-Member just making up some to do lists and chatting here on the forums. have some really crazy winds here so have phones and things on charge in case of a blackout.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember06 Sept 2019, 7:49 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@outlander 💜 windy weather makes me really aggitated. There's a lot of wild weather over southern states tonight. Stay warm 🌥️🍃
@Zoe7 what happened with the cat? They're a worry. Hope you've planned something special to reward yourself for pulling off the last two weeks 🏆 Well done!
I'm in bed already tonight. It suddenly got cold this arvo, bit of rain and the news just said it might snow lightly 😯 Oh my goodness, never had this before. But feeling soooo clean after my shower and rugged up warm. Glad to rest my bones after all that bending and digging in the garden today. Hope I don't forget to get up in time and go pick up my post office parcels and scripts tomorrrow.
What you all doing ?
@Maggie, where'd you get to? What is your diagnoses again Maggie? 💜
@Former-Member 💜 thinking if you through your difficult time atm... hugzz 💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember06 Sept 2019, 8:03 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Adge 😊 Good to see you 💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor06 Sept 2019, 8:03 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

hope your keeping warm too @Former-Member
going to have a shower and then come back and watch the rest of moana.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor06 Sept 2019, 8:08 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member Very good to see you too.

I'm doing my best to Like (Support) posts, & to follow conversations.

Quite often that's the best I can do.

There's no petrol left in the Finch's tank by the end of most days (especially Friday).

My body needs an oil change, a full comprehensive service, & some parts replaced (with new ones)....

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember06 Sept 2019, 8:17 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh dear @Adge , that doesn't sound too good, way past your 200k service you reckon? 😞 What to do? Hopefully recharge a bit with rest. Feel for you my Finch fella. Here's a beer 🍻 for getting through the week.

Hugzz 🐦

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor06 Sept 2019, 8:21 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Former-Member You too.

I've got some Irish Whisky - it's good stuff (in small measures):heart:

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor06 Sept 2019, 9:08 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Cat wouldn't eat yesterday or this morning @Former-Member I tried all her favourites and she wouldn't touch any of them. She is back eating tonight though so very relieved.

I have been snuggled on the couch under the doona all evening - watching the footy. Really tired but hoping to watch the end of the game before I fall asleep. Toby is already asleep - life of a dog hey lol

A lot to get done this weekend but taking time out to watch the footy across the weekend too. We play tomorrow night but I don't fancy our chances of winning.

Have to go to the chemist myself at some stage but no hurry as I have enough meds for the next few days. Also need to buy some veggies and baby food. Might do that all tomorrow depending on the weather - it is supposed to keep raining until at least Sunday then again early in the week - great for the garden, not good for clothes drying!

It is great that you have done so much of the pruning and cutting up of everything - no wonder your bones are sore Nice to have it done though. I need to head bush on Sunday to find a branch I can use for the birdhouses at the Art Expo - hoping to find one that can house several of the birdhouses for the couple of days - will add to the overall presentation of them if I can find the right one.

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