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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi there @Former-Member Sounds like you have a lot on your plate, to deal with.

Yep to the feeling cold - I've had semi-numb cold toes & fingers, most days.

Even though I've been living on my own for the past 9 years @Zoe7 My pets hold me very accountable.

I'm not a free agent.

Jelly cat can be a harsh task-mistress, when her bowl isn't totally full of cat biscuits.

Or when I don't give her special treats often enough.

It's like the cat picture (with caption) that I tried to post on the forum (it wouldn't post) - it says:

"Get the Treats Right now, or I will pull the plug" (on your computer).....

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

haha @Adge Cat is like that too - if I don't feed her at HER feeding times then I certainly hear all about it. Toby is a little more 'casual' - as long as he gets fed at some stage - around feeding times - he is okay. Pets do make us accountable in that respect but they certainly do not care if we have showered or the house is clean ....Toby actually likes it better as he has mre 'toys' to play with lol

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

PurplePanda2Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member , sounds like you're working hard to look after yourself. Sorry to hear it's been challenging for you lately. I can hear that sleep has been an issue and I can completely understand wanting to get on top of that - just wanted to highlight that it's important to make sure if you're taking strong medication to help with that, it's important to do so with the supervision of a GP to make sure it's a safe dosage and you're not at risk. Take care.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks for the reminder PurplePanda2, people should know its dangerous, but I know what I'm doing.

@ Adge, so glad you still have JellyCat. Youre more disciplined than me... My furbaby jumps up on the bed and literally gets right in my face if I've forgotten to feed her or to top up her water bowl... she keeps me going. I've had a lot of life losses, that's why I don't fuss much about things like showering etc, it just doesn't matter so much, unless I go out in public which is rare these days.

@Zoe7 , hope your fast asleep this week small hour. @ Did you know showering once a week is the minimum requirement in aged care nursing homes, and nurses use wipes in between if needed 😮

I'm very lucky really, that I still have a warm place to sleep comfortably xox

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Bit sad here, just tied to reach my son, tx asked him why he's not replied to yesterday's tx? but he tx back a tirade 😞 which I know he wouldn't do if he wasn't down, and I don't know what to do. Said I'll ring shortly & to plz pick up... I waited 15min and just got voicemail 😞😢...
I feel like I have to let him go... Then I feel like I just lost my son... 😭
Is it me... nobody wants depressed people in their life...

Is he really better off without me...seems im one of those toxic ppl the world teaches to cut ties with...

That's what my toxic sister pasts all over fb.

Oh God please help me get out of bed today... or at least help me want to.
And help me to not need ppl

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Just had to drop this here 🌷

Thanks to for all support ☑️

Signing off now

Gotta exit blanket bay...

Somehow...

Check in later...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

just dropping by to say hello @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

sending you hugs @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Love the image and message @Former-Member - especially love that there areso,many butterflies - spoke to me Hon Sorry you are still being avoided by yiur son - that is really sad. Hope you made it out of bed for a little bit of time at least today. Thinking of you EOR

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Shaz51
@outlander, that's so cute the gif, is she a sloth? lol
@Zoe7, ah, you picked up on the butterfly tree 😁👍
Today I did the dishes, and filled the green Otto bin with tree cuttings. Bit of a cold breeze to be out long today... but surprised I did it.
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