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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

2720 replies

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7, you're so organised. Ii'm not a morning person... tend to do better if I pack & decide on what to wear etc the night before. You got it together🎉.

Monday's are quieter than most days here. I do have to cutup and bin this pruning I did today, if the wind doesn't blow it down the street over night, with this strong wind that picked up 😳 (eighbours won't be happy then).

Gotta visit dad some time ,

Haven't showered for days, so that should be a priority I guess...

I'd love to get back into my quilting / sewing some time.

Unpacked a couple of boxes today... found some more bits...

always got stuff to sort... sigh

Hopefully my son will ring tomorrow. He's landed a well paying job now - so the transition from his business to being 'employed' again will be hard. He visited his dad last weekend, S1 always seems flat after that for a while. It's taken him years to see that his dad has faults... sobering... and his dad is sick, and much older than me, 79, he just lost his younger brother... (my BIL, Tim's uncle), so is taxing times for my boy, I worry for him (29), but I must be patient and prayerful for him. Difficult balance of loving from afar 😞.

Sorry, don't know what I'm doing tomorrow really. Not sure if I should push harder. Every joint down my right side aches after a couple hours work today and pain meds mess with mood...

Gotta bath furbaby some time too. Just so slow these days, grinded to a holt again this winter but it's nearly over.

Let me know how ya week goes. Sleep tight ❣️
EOR🍃

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi Shaz51 ❣️

@Adge @ Gorges @& Valleys filled with butterflies sounds magical. You've inspired me to look up and visit a Butterfly Farm 👍 soon. Hope you sleep well tonght, and wake with some energy 💜

Deepbreaths my bird friend 🐦

Hi @outlander - I see you in the breakground, and hope you're ok. Hugzzzzzzzzzzz 💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Gotta be organised @Former-Member otherwise I am stressed all week and that doesn't help with the depression. It does mean a lot of work on the weekend but it has to be done. Next term I will be back to support work so very little planning. I am really enjoying being on class again though - will really miss that next term ...as well as missing the kids. They are a really lovely bunch and I have become quite fond of them really quickly.

I am not a morning person either - but have to get up and going for work - it is difficult to do most days but no choice there. I set my alarm really early so I can take my meds then get a little more sleep.That helps me get through the morning as the meds make me sleepy.

Showering might be a good thing to do tomorrow - often makes me feel more alive and gives me motivation to do things. There is also that feeling of being clean too especially with the fresh smell of shampoo and a nice soap

You are a mum so it is natural that you worry about your son. It is good he has a relationship with his father and that he has his eyes opened in respect to him. Family are tricky at the best of times but I hope he calls you tomorrow after not feeling up to it today. I can understand him a bit there. I often get phone calls from my mum over the weekend when I am working - and often am not very receptive. It is not that I don't want to talk to her - it is more about where I am at and what I am doing at that time. I always call her back when I can't talk so I hope your son does too.

I also need to bath Toby and give him a haircut. Will have to be next weekend now. Might try trimming around his eyes tomorrow night if he will sit still long enough. He is a bit of a wriggler when it comes to trimming around his eyes lol

Hope whatever you do tomorrow you are feeling a little less weary from the pruning and can have some light in your day. Sleep well tonight Hon. Let me know how your day goes tomorrow night

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member It is freezing here today - I am sure it was snowing this morning at school ...then the rain came Hope you got the pruning cut up and in the bin. Catch up with you later

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

beatuiful photos @Former-Member

My mum had lots of visitors today wanting to have their photos taken with the butterflies, wow , soo many xoox

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Freezing here today too @Zoe7, didnt get above 6°C all day ❄️🌬️and snowfalls on surrounding hills (700m+), so no... shame on me for sitting under a doona all day, after I got up that is... 😞12md... because I couldn't sleep all night 'till I took something heavy to knock me out @5am.

I did bring the bin in, and spent a couple hours uploading documents to Public Trustee for dad's estate, and rang Bro3 (reluctantly) to sort pressing issues about dad's car... Gonna help Bro3 financially to help buy dad's old car, to keep it in the family, but only if he lets me borrow it to visit dad when I come to Sydney...

I'm just not self caring too well, just can't see the point in showering etc on my own. But I'll try again tomorrow i guess (been saying that for days too).

Was your day ok?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Sounds like it was too cold today to shower anyway @Former-Member but yes try again tomorrow. I often find that it helps me moving a bit - and feeling a bit more 'normal' (whatever that is).

You have achieved some things today though so give yourself credit for that. The great thing about living on your own with just the fur babies to keep us company is that we also do not have to answer to anyone else and can take the time to look after ourselves the best we can. Today was not a great day for you in that respect but tomorrow may be different. ...in your own time Hon but if you can manage to shower tomorrow then that is heading in the right direction

My day was okay. The kids were really good - apart from the afternoon - but I didn't help there either. The little buggers kept making me laugh when I was trying to be super serious so we didn't get as much done as I had planned. At least they went home with smiles on their faces though

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Kidz can be like that Zoe7, 😃 days like this are ok too, blame the weather lol

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi the @Adge, I see you ☑️ and hope you're ok 🕊️

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yep blame the weather lol @Former-Member Meant to be really windy here again tomorrow so likely the kids will be inside all day - that certainly sends them into the silly zone

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