why can't I cope longer?

A caring teacher makes the world of difference to the kids @Former-Member They want to learn and reflect that caring nature in themselves - so important for kids to see and feel that. IIn my opinion if they are happy at school they will learn better because it is a place they want to be.

I'll keep you updated on how the weekend goes - right now all I can think about is getting through tonight and getting some rest. I want to get some things done too though tonight so I don't have as much to do on Sunday.

Do you have any plans now that you are not going to Sydney?

I'm in no-mans land today, reading all day, nothing much done. Wanted to talk with my son, so sent him tx:

9am ME: "you up for a ph call?"

9:10 S1: "i'll see how I feel later, not very peoply today"

😞 why do I feel so hurt by this? Feels like I've been waiting all day for him to ring back (9hrs) and I just wish he had 5min for me... I wish I didn't need him. I just can't seem to find a single person on the planet who cares for me. How can .make ppl love? I can't, and being here without it is unbearable... days like today.

The weather was lovely though. I wanted to but couldn't bring myself to leave he house, but to feed the birds. feels hopeless. But must be ok cause I just ate & closed house.

My son has “not very peoply” days @Former-Member , and he doesn’t leave his room on those days. Try not to take it personally. It means he is feeling too overwhelmed to be able to raise feelings for anybody else, not just you.

i am glad you have the burds to feed and they and your fur baby bring you joy. It means that you are a joy to them as well.

I care @Former-Member and so do many others here. I know we aren’t family, or part of your real life, but I/we really do care.

I have many many days where I feel and believe no one on the plant could or would care. It’s an awful feeling, a very alone feeling.

If it’s ok with you, I’ll sit here for a while, because I care. 💜💕💜

Thanks @Maggie, @Faith-and-Hope, it's good to know others struggle with kdz not wanting to know them, and that it's kinda 'normal' about them, not a rejection... And to know others feel alone in the world yet somehow go on. Glad you're here, and replied so quickly. I'm aching on the inside

I am having an aching on the inside day too @Former-Member .

💛🌻

Distraction is the biggest go-to @Former-Member . Getting busy with something, and if there’s no energy for that, then music, or watching something on tv. Art is really good for me in that way. It takes me away from everything else and I am just in the moment and being creative.

I think you know we moved to the east coast, in support of one of the kidults relaunching their studies, but it meant another one who is still at home relaunching too. Both of them are on AD’s for anxiety and depression now.

Part of this journey has been learning that there is a genetic factor at play here, and it’s in their genes as well ..... but that doesn’t mean that it will travel the same path as it has in mr. f&h..... whatever “it” turns out to be. No diagnosis yet over him ..... over one of the kidukts its a personality disorder that is slowly regaining order, and they will grow beyond it with time, support, and practicing the skills that keep it from taking over and disordering itself again. There are a lot of positive attributes to the underlying personality type, so the challenge is to keep it on positive tracks.

Our house in the West was abandoned. The garden that I nurtured and loved so much has gone to :pile_of_poo: and I have no garden at all now. In a “condensed living” housing ..... grrrr ..... and having to make the most of it although it grates on me.

House over there is getting sold, and mr.’s idea of downsizing was to throw out half of what we had in a weekend. The kids and I stopped that plan, and it’s now heading into storage for proper sorting across time when we can be back in the west, which is hard because mr. considers himself retired and wants to go travelling all the time. We now have a small “condensed living” place over there for when we go back to see the kids who still live there, and mr. goes more often to see his mum.

House over here is too small for us, so we are selling this one too. Home opens happening here along with pack up, move, sell over there. Then there will be pack up and move here too, and part of that move is to enable separated living in the same home 😔.

Have I confused you yet ??

Oh, and I had a hairdresser bleach out my dark under-hair last year to try to match my grey on top, without asking me, and it turned orange. So I have spent 18 months growing that out using toners, but another hairdresser overseas, who knew me and knew I was growing it out, bleached the regrowth without asking me, and “fixed it” by dying my hair black. Back to square one. Stripping out the colour and growing it all out again grrrrrr ......

Art feels like it’s the only stable thing in my life at the moment, along with my faith, that if I can keep walking through all this, something better will emerge out of it all.

Without it I would never have met forum friends ..... 💕