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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Dancer9Senior Contributor15 Aug 2019, 11:23 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi there @Former-Member,

Im so sorry to hear the impact this has had on you, and can understand your frustration. Safety is very important to us for all members on our forums and sometimes this means decisions that are hard to understand when you are struggling but we never intend for it to have a negative effect. I have passed on your message to the community managers and encourage you to keep using the forum and seeking support.

Dancer9

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember15 Aug 2019, 11:24 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks

Zoe7

Dance 9

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor15 Aug 2019, 11:33 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hearing you too @Former-Member . Please take care, and keep warm tonight. If it’s cold here, it’s colder where you are now.

I am working as late with an overdue assignment as Incan before I run out of eyeballs, but just wanted to stop in and say, as @Zoe7 has, that we care.

I hope you sleep quickly and well.

G’night ..... 💛🌻💤

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember15 Aug 2019, 11:47 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks F&H 😢 means a lot... I've missed you so much. Hope you get the assignment done, you're gonna be so good with it . I have an electric blanket which is magical, and helps sleep.
Aww, furbaby saw me crying and just did her paw tap thing on my arm... so cute.
Registered her in my name today, with pet registry, found out she's a registered 'Companion Assistance Dog... so cool!
Night ❣️

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

MaggieSenior Contributor16 Aug 2019, 5:29 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Like @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope have said, I’m sorry things are hurting so much, I value you here, always have done. I know I don’t say much, but I feel deeply. Sending warm thoughts. Stay close to the electric blanket and fur baby, you can’t go wrong there. 💜💕❤️💜💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember16 Aug 2019, 8:54 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I'm ok... Slept well thnx. Furbaby's sitting in the sun (ok for her with her fluffy coat lol). You know she's never peed in this house.. did all the time back at mum's. Aww, she's back, snuggling up... never had a dog quite like her, then again... never let animals in the house before my girl died. Everything's different now, shed love it more I guess. Sad. Time for a cuppa 🍵 Definately looks like spring in the air. Should I drive to Sydney?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor16 Aug 2019, 9:34 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 🐦💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

MaggieSenior Contributor16 Aug 2019, 10:35 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember16 Aug 2019, 2:25 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Faith-and-Hope @Maggie @thank you for the lovely immages pictures ❣️

@Zoe7 @@@ how have you survived the week? @ Is it warmer there? They just forcast another snowfall on its way.here, in a week, Sheesh!

I've decided not to go to Sydney today, nothing there for me but pain. Nothing here either, but better to be hurt by strangers than ppl I love, actually, not taking any chances here, pretty much keeping to myself. But probably do need something before I get cabin fever (lol, there's a old term for disassociative / nuts). So,

Going through the local directory yesterday, I found a bereavement support group that meets once a month (3wks from now). There's a GROW Gp here too.. Research is easy, stepping out a little harder but taking it slow, puttingme first fac.

I hope my selfishness isn't detremental to my 29yo son. I've given a total of 22k + 5k loan since selling the house... and we talk more than we ever did when he was living with his defacto all those years. I could live closer, but he told me not to for him 'cause he wants to move to Melbourne, or Tassy & a planning working visa orkin Germany... Living in Qpd feels wrong now, though my girls resting place is there. I just dont know anyore. Feels wrong. He doesnt need me really, men are like that. Suppose it's a good thing he's so strong, holds his own, and independent, yet still wants to stay in touch. What more can I ask 🙏

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor16 Aug 2019, 4:28 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Former-Member I survived the week Today actually went really quickly - we even had to forego our Maths lesson to get ready for assembly but the kids did such a wonderful job and I was so proud of them. Had a parent-teacher interview after school so now just one more to do next week. I am tired and glad to be home but have a lot to do again this weekend.

It sounds like you made a good choice for yourself not to go to Sydney. You certainly don't need the extra stress right now and the weather is not ideal to be driving in. Maybe you can look at going later when it is a bit warmer and you can spend a little longer getting there and have a mini holiday at the same time.

I like the idea of the GROW group for you - will give you an outlet to both connect with people and get some support where you are now. We all need that and it would be good for you to have something to get out of the house for too.Cabin fever is no good but with few (or no) connectionss there it does not give you much need to get out of the house.

It is great that your son wants to stay in touch and you must have done a lot of things right with him to be so independent and strong within himself - credit where it is due Hon

It has been warmer here the last few days but felt the chill coming back today. Tomorrow is supposed to be clear but then we have more rain expected. Will need to drag myself outside tomorrow while I can to get things done. It will be an exhausting day for me but one I really need to get stuck into. Then Sunday will be marking and planning as usual.

Hope you have had a reasonable day Hon and we can catch up over the weekend. Hugs and hugs

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