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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Shaz51Senior Contributor13 Aug 2019, 6:22 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Wow @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember14 Aug 2019, 2:11 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7 @outlander @Shaz51 - Appreciate it. I do try... But today is a washout. Still in bed. Not sure why. Did have a bit bightmare o/n of bombs launched overhead... woke me in fear of WW3, especially when I googled what I saw 😟 nukes! There's so much global unrest atm. Think it's coming to a head...

And with this Mental Health rampage in Sydney splashed all over the media as violent...

And with this snow event on w'end, warnings of snow and ice still on mtn roads... delaying my plans to go visit dad..

Anyway, furbaby just gently tapped me on the arm, x3 😯so gorgeous... gotta go pee, feed her... Make a cuppa...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember14 Aug 2019, 2:19 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@@🚔, i'm concluding it's an uncontrollable control issue. Why cant these accidental offending words just be blacked out by moderators instead of being used to delete our total message, and further mess with our heads! grr! Surely there's an APP for that!. Just stay away from me.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember14 Aug 2019, 2:21 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember14 Aug 2019, 2:59 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Former-Member and @Shaz51,

I am just gently checking in as I seem to be picking up on some possible tension here, i may be completley wrong, if i am please do not mind me, however if i am picking up on anything please do not hesitate to contact us through email.

We want to make sure that everyone feels safe and supported in this space. Please take care of yourseves and if you need to check out our conflict and self care resource, you can do so here.

All the best,

Turquoise

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Shaz51Senior Contributor14 Aug 2019, 3:03 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

all good @Former-Member and thank you

I sometimes repond to quickly at times hey @Former-Member :

since i have the afternoon off i am here xx

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor14 Aug 2019, 9:38 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Checking in to see how you are doing tonight. I can see that things have not been great for you and that you may not be able to go see your Dad as planned. Glad you have your fur baby there with you. Sending you hugs and love

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

MaggieSenior Contributor15 Aug 2019, 5:47 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 💞💕💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember15 Aug 2019, 11:00 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Deleting my entire posts and being falsely accused, of deliberately breaking forum gudelines... And having a thousand complex hoops to jump to set it right. it hurts! Feels like rejection. And I feel dobbed in by so called friends... betrayal... more false representation (so much of this happening irl for me lately), a sore spot. But what gets to me most on the forums is how a Mental Health Organisation can overlook my cries for help in a post, prefering to attack me over one mistake that has nothing toto with what I'm saying. Negated. Irrelevant. There's been plenty of times here on the forums where it's pushed me to self harm... I expect more from SANE, the experts iMI, which makes you accountable for the hurt inflicted... because you KNOW what you're doing to us... but don't care. There's OTHER ways to ''protect' readers from trigger words without triggering another. Blacking out that offending part (not everything) is so easy. This is what triggers me. I feel bullied when that same member is ALWAYS around when this happens, stabbing me in the back then pretend to care... My mother was like this, I hate it. Any, for what it's worth. Please don't post around me if you mean harm. Can't handle another day of pain, it just messes me here for days. But I'll bounce back ta.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor15 Aug 2019, 11:10 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I hear so much hurt and pain in your post @Former-Member My only response here is that I care and value you and your contributions to the forum. Much love and hugs for you Hon

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