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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hello anyone around. I have had such a magical day... My first falling snow in memory, wow! Spent almost the entire day taking photographs
Due to my spiking mood swings lately, Dr has increased medication today... hope it doesn't have too many side affects. Bit over all this. But still thank God for delightful moments like today in the snow.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

That does sound wonderful @Former-Member So glad it gave you moments of joy today Hon

Hope the medication increase goes okay and there are no side effects.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe & @F&H Where ya been lol - appreciate your support taps 💜

Here's a couple of pics from this blizzard like weather here lol Theres more on 'Good Morning thread. Loving creation living here. Hugzz 💜💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

MaggieSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Great pics @Former-Member . Hard not to get excited when snow falls and covers the ground with its white blanket. I hope the mood stays good and the med change doesn’t upset anything for you.

Enjoy the snow while you can, it’s doesnt stay around for long.💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @ Maggie, @ Zoe7 @ Adge ,. @ faith-and-Hope , @ Appleblossom , @ sherry and so many who've been good to me. Thank you 💜

The snow falls persist in waves today, not as thick as yesterday. Can't enjoy it much today as bad headache all day, have to block the light. Surprising how bright snow is, especially when the sun peeks through.

My x-brother-in-law died yesterday... we weren't close, and I'm not sure how he died, but another Beautiful soul gone too soon. He at least attended my girls funeral when none of my own brothers did. Its inappropriate for me to talk to the x's. family so on my own with this one. My son just told me - he's stayed in touch...

Well, must go, screen hurts my headache... 🤔 maybe new medication side affect, who knows. Very tired guys 💜

@

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Sorry about your loss @Former-Member Even though you weren't close it is still really sad when someone we know passes away. He sounds like he was a kind person as he attended your daughter's funeral to show his support.

Look after yourself Hon - hopefully that headache passes soon. Hugs

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7 💜
Is your w'end ok?
I ran out of chicken necks for furbaby, and not well enough to dive, so just fried up a couple crumbed fish. She turned her nose up a while but gave in. Its so cold here today that I dug up a cute vest for her, might post a pic presently. How's ya Toby, Zoe?
@Former-Member, how's things re your mum gone? Ya going to visit ya dad soon? I'm suppose to drive 12hrs to see my son next wk'end.. I don't know how ya do it 💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Toby is good @Former-Member Just fed the fur babies and have to watch Cat eat to make sure she has it all. If she moves away Toby finishes it off lol. He doesn't go near her while she is eating though - happy to sit back and wait to clean up the bowl afterwards.

My weekend has been super busy. Lots of school related things to do. Haven't finished my planning for this week but needed a break. Had an early dinner so I can sit back and relax for a litte while before I get back to it. I will be happy if I get the next 3 days sorted and can finish off Friday on my day off Thursday.

Cold here too - the mountain is covered with snow but it hasn't come down to where I live. Loved the pictures of the snow at your place

That is one long drive to see your son Hon - can you stay somewhere overnight and break it up into 2 days?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Haha, Zoe7, I have to be in a hyper manic state to pull off a 12hr drive in one hit, there is a couple of good halway places to stay but, thinking I might be kind to myself for the rest of winter, maybe... don't know if pushing myself is necessary anymore. See what last Friday's bl##d tests say...

My new DR / medical centre charges a gap $10 - $20 gap, and have to go back for result - that's $40 in a week 🤨 Don't think that's right when they already get $70 from gov... Anyway, might just spread out the visits then... they do have a duty-of-care to cont#ct me if pathology results need urgent attention...

I've been in bed all day, good thing is the headache is easing. 🌺🌻🌺🌻🌺🌻🌺

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

Sorry about the death of ex Bro inlaw, but glad your son phoned and told you.

Margaret Preston Wheelflowers

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

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