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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember02 Aug 2019, 10:23 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Magge, just as well you like the cold with life in Tassy👍
Sounds like you've created good plans for a good day. I'm laying here trying to find a reason worth getting out of bed for...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember02 Aug 2019, 10:37 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

maybe I'll go brush my hair in the sunshine (a major exercise in itself), then give furbaby's thick winter coat a brush too. If I can find my socks & good shoes and bend over without too much pain, I just might go for a walk for coffee. But maybe I'll start with
- feet on the floor
- kettle on
- feed pup
- coffee & devotional & pills

Here goes...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor02 Aug 2019, 5:59 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember02 Aug 2019, 8:25 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Pretty much sums up me of late

How's everyone's Friday evening? I actually pulled off a walk. Trouble was I got lost and it ended up being 2hrs, and only had to sit and rest twice. Furbaby is more settled since.

Good to have somewhere to come and chat. I'm still not taking calls but met another neighbour today 💜💜💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor02 Aug 2019, 8:30 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

That is a long walk @Former-Member I would have been sitting down a hundred times lol

Good that fur baby is settled - my little munchkin is asleep next to me so all good in my world for now.

I totally understand avoiding calls - don't need any extra dramas in our lives - sometimes that silence is what we need for our own wellbeing.

Do you have anything planned for the weekend?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember03 Aug 2019, 12:52 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Not much @Zoe7, but must find a church, wash my hair, bath furbaby, housework...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

MaggieSenior Contributor03 Aug 2019, 6:12 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor04 Aug 2019, 8:25 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hello @Former-Member I'm thinking of you.

I hope your weekend was okay. Good would be even better.

Mine was not good, I'm still here so that's good.

I had a visit from a friend who lives 2 hour's drive away, this afternoon. I had not seen her since last year.

So that was nice.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember04 Aug 2019, 10:18 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Adge, @Adge @ thanks for posting, for thinking of me. My w'end has been weird... walking in circles not getting much of anything finished but good in the sense of, as you say, "I'm still here" Just had a good ph call with my son whose pleased to have landed permanent work with a really good company.

Glad you're still here 🏆 AND had a visit from a friend who you don't see much. Makes ya feel special when they've come so far. Recently I had friends (a couple) visit from 10hrs away, they were on a long roadtrip but went 6hrs out of their way to come see me. Haven't seen them since last September (since I went to them). I've NEVER had a friend go this far out of their way for me before, so i kinda know how ya feel, it's kinda nice, I still can't believe it actually. But you do sound tired my friend. Feel for you and hope your week is kind to you. Chin up, we're in this together 💌

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor05 Aug 2019, 8:54 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member Yes very tired.

How did you guess (from a text message)?

Really bad allergies, maybe virus.

My energy has never recovered (yet) from my last surgery, earlier this year.

I love your Chin Up picture - Lots of towels to keep my chin propped up on.

Chin is a bit saggy, & needs propping up...

Adge

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