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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Sorry I left last night - meds began to kick in and I needed to head to bed early @Former-Member.

It is lovely that you found the brooch from your mum - it is often those little things that are most significant and remind us that people do care. My aim for today is to finish the framing and get started on measuring and cutting the sheets for the wall - think I can get most of that done today and then can put up the shelves and start moving things back into the garage tomorrow.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7, really nice to find your post here this am (being tagged / remembered), appreciate it. Good luck with your project. Where are you? Is it hot there too? I'm in Sydney & sick if the heat.

Keep smiling 🙂

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I'm in Hobart @Former-Member and although it has been warm here lately it has been nothing like the heat you guys are getting on the mainland. Do you have air conditioning?

I am still doing the 'great wall' lol - had an appointment this morning that I nearly forgot about so the wall has been put on hold for a little while - will get back to it soon though.

Hope you have a good day today

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh lucky you Zoe7, living in Tasssie, I've thought of moving there but hear the health system is crap. Is that true? Might visit soon though.
Good going with the wall, you'll be able to give TRUMP some tips soon lol

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

The Health system here is definitely not great @Former-Member I have got lucky with my treating team and all because of the great work done by my GP to begin with. The hospital system is broken but has been that way for a long time and can't see it changing in the near future.

haha - give Trump tips - I did think about him as his wall when I was first writing about mine - the biggest difference is my wall is to keep things in and his is to keep people out!

I'll be able to get the sheeting done tomorrow and then can begin moving things back in - really looking forward to sorting everything out.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Zoe7, missed you lately.

I just need to connect with someone.

Have you ever really had suicidal thoughts? How would you cope?

I know its probably a case of just riding out his weekend's bad anniversary (for me) but just would appreciate your backup. But not if you're already burdened, I'll figure it out.

Its just avla little frightening to have the thought to 'check out' aagain - ya think ya over the depression / grief, then pow! It bowls you over again with the slightest trigger, such as this grief anniversaries.


But, guess today I did the dishes, finished an assignment and submitted it on time today.

So, not all is lost.


My car's in the repair shop. I'm grounded.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yes I have had those thoughts a lot previously @Former-Member They are all encompassing and things feel so out of control and hopeless. A grief anniversary would certainly not be helping with those thoughts but you can get through this weekend. I had a great team around me to help me through and the amazing support here of some wonderful people - both members and mods that were invaluable support for me.

Reach out here when you need EOR - I will be around when I can be.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thank you but I don't know how

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Former-Member are you still around?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

You good @Zoe7 ? Any talk of school back yet? Work? Posting?

Can you recommend any town in Tassy where I can have a couple weeks away in the hills & cool fresh air?
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