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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

No news yet about school or grade - still waiting to find out where I will be @Former-Member Hoping to find out some news on Tuesday but if I don't I'll be ringing Wednesdy morning. It is getting way too close to going back and it will make it harder to get organised for the start of school.

Anywhere in Tassie there are beautiful towns to visit. At the moment there are many bushfires burning so the air is still quite smoky. Strahan on the west coast is beautiful but apart from the tourist things like the train and cruise on the river I don't knw what else there is to do there. It is quite some distance from Hobart or Launceston but a nice place to visit for a few days. It depends what you want to do and if it is just relax in your own company and get away from it all then Strahan would be a great place to be. If you based yourself in Hobart then you always within an hour of beaches and the bush - depends again on what you want to do.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7,
Not sure what I want really, or whats workanle, well I
- don't want to be alone, but am
- need a break away, somewhere nice, but also, afraid of dark thoughts on my own.
- lease up here soon & I need to o find somewhere but lots of trouble finding rentals with a dog and low income 😞

Really hope your job situation panscout OK. Not very professional beingbleft in limbo this late in the picture. Hope you don't 'internalize' the way you're treated like I tend to. Stay strong... I'll say a prayer...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I am trying not to let it get to me but it is getting way too close to school going back to find out where I'll be. It is not like other jobs that you can walk into the workplace in the morning and leave at the end of the day - there is so much to get organised for it and then so much on-going planning to do. I am doing really well with the waiting but I feel that the longer it takes this week the more anxious I will get. I hope I find out something on Tuesday @Former-Member

That really sucks about your lease being up - does that mean you have to move or you want to move?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I've been granted a 'periodical' Zoe, but hi she is on the market so its inevitable & I need somewhere else to feel settled. Wish I had more energy, less pain, more motivation and support... but greatful at least that they're granting me monthly extensions on lease till I find somewhere. Can't wait. My Genie furbaby woke me with her gorgeous gentle manner this am, really need somewhere that will let me have pets. This is making bit heaps harder but sticking to my guns on this one, some days I wouldn't leave the house of I didn't have the dog food to get. Think you understand this. Dashed out last night for some. Can't seem to get out of bed atm but bettet go offline and force myself. Back later :).

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

So pleased they are letting you stay until the house sells @Former-Member but the finding somewhere else which has low rent and allows pets is a touogh one for you. I really hope something comes up soon for you and then you can move in and feel more secure in your life. Animals are wonderful to remind us that there is something special in our lives - my fur babies do that for me too.

Hope you have a good rest and will catch you later

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks Zoe, you're the only one talking to me here really.
Ive been crying for hours today, the emotional pain is so intense, I really don't think I have the strength to carry on anymore, such a cruel unjust world, its bad, do you hear me? have you felt this? What do you do to stop it? It hurts so bad I want to vomit. Took myself to bed, might need a barbiturate. Scares me, feeling like this. Frozen Fire!

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Been there many times @Former-Member and know how debilitating it is when you feel like you can't go on. What actually got me through was support on here - it only takes one person to walk with you and believe it will get better for you to make a difference. I was lucky enough to have a couple of people do that for me here and it definitely made all the difference for me. I hope I can do the same for you

The feelings you are having are natural reactions when life seems to be hard - I have no quick fixes though @Former-Member All I can do is be here to support you, to listen and to let you know that eventually it does get better - but it does take time.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

mufasaSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member

I am a moderator, I am so sorry to hear how hard today has been for you.

I just sent you an email!

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member I need to head off to bed so I can be up early for work tomorrow. I hope you can sleep well tonight and start again tomorrow. It is great that @mufasa is here to support you tonight

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?



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