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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor12 Jan 2019, 8:45 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

It is hard not to internalise what others say when you are feeling so down @Former-Member Internalising what others say means taking on what they say and saying the same about ourselves. We often take on what others say or do in regards to ourselves and it becomes part of our own self-talk - it is tricky when we are feeling low not to take that all on and make it part of how we talk about ourselves.

In regards to a MH plan - our treating professionals need to be on the same page in how you are treated - this is for the best benefit for you. It may include the type of therapy that your psychologist is going to follow but also should include meds and what your GP is doing also. Them both knowing and following the same plan is so that you can be treated with consistency and that is important for your wellbeing.

Goodluck with the rental search - hope you find something you like

I am going to lay down with Toby for a little while before I get myself mobile today. Just need a little snuggle time with him before I get mobile today also.

Hope youo get the things done you need to today - chat later

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

utopiaSenior Contributor12 Jan 2019, 9:29 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

So good to hear your psychologist will liaise with your gp. Both need to know what the other is doing, so that they work together to get you to a better place. This is good.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember12 Jan 2019, 9:41 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7, your Toby sounds lovely, this is a recent photo of my little furbaby Genie 🙂

Don't they bring us joy.

Thanks for clarifying 'internalising' for me:

"Internalising what others say means taking on what they say and saying the same about ourselves"

... or believing it I guess

she did say it after I expressed that I just might be the 'horrible person' they say I am... and I don't wanna be her... so yes that fits 🙂

Well, betta get off the couch lol

Beautiful weather here today 🙂

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember12 Jan 2019, 9:48 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @utopia, guess its only relevant in terms of medication. It'd hard for me to trust anyone.

Psych thinks Complex Grief... andctrauma... its an issue, from way back, resurfacing atm. Its really hopeless I think, to ever get over something like that.

Oh no, just had a frightening thought, what if Psych going back to GP saying she doesn't wanna treat me 😞

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor12 Jan 2019, 10:58 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Your Genie is adorable @Former-Member I bet she gives you as much joy as Toby does for me.

Not much progress here this morning as I slet for a bit longer and now it is very windy - I can't do what I need in the wind so hoping it calms down this afternoon and I can get back outside. Not doing much else in the meantime - couch and tv surfing at the moment but that is okay - do what I can when I can and rest at other times.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

utopiaSenior Contributor12 Jan 2019, 2:26 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Try not to over think things @Former-Member. It will all work out well.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2019, 7:10 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I know Utopia, overactive brain lol
Zoe, you sound just like me, big plans... then, before ya know it everything's different. But you enjoy your holidays, school will be back soon, yikes! Yesterday I got scared with lots of palpitations & headache, after an upset, but its eased up thank goodness. Managed to clear out another x4 bags for charity today, and clean the stove - hard to get going but worth it to see finished products. How's your wall?/Any progress?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor13 Jan 2019, 7:15 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I have most of the framing done @Former-Member - just need to cut and screw 6 supports tomorrow and then I can begin sheeting it. I wanted to get the framing finished today but it got too hot in the garage so I left the last bit for tomorrow. I have already measured each support so it will be a matter of cutting the timber tomorrow and screwing it in place. We are expecting rain on Wednesday (not much but enough to get things wet) so I need to get as much done tomorrow as I can and then begin moving things back in Tuesday.

It sounds like you have had a productive day too - 4 more bags and the stove cleaned - big ticks for both of those

I am having a quiet night now watching the cricket and hoping for an early night to get up and get going earlier tomorrow.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2019, 10:06 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Well done!!! Zoe7, that's amazing, building a shed! You must be wonder woman lol Early morning is the best time for outdoor work in summer.

Y O U G O G I R L !

We do need to celebrate our victories, more often, even the little ones.

Thanks for chatting, feeling a bit lonely today.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2019, 10:17 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Found some more strong pills in my cleanup today. I know I shouldn't stockpile them (4Blackdog) but can't help it. Maybe knowing i can will ease the pain & help the now.

Just need to tell SOMEONE on the planet. And mybback hurts 😞

Found a tiny RED ROSE BROACH from mum, sent to remind me that she may not show it but she loves me. Gotta retain the good stuff.

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