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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember08 May 2019, 1:15 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7 r U good? Thanks for encouragement, need it... so tired. Really cold o/n here already. Nearly froze in the icy wind just now taking dog for walk. Kinda refreshing though. Hugs to you 💗

Hiya @outlander - how are you? 🌻

I replied to your email @Former-Member the post you responded to is days old, feels like a week (which says something about my extreme mood swings I guess), but I'm taking my meds and hopefully this new place will help a lot. Thanks for caring.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor08 May 2019, 1:18 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

HUgs to you too @Former-Member Heading out to GP appointment but will check in with you later when I can. Stay warm Hon

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor08 May 2019, 8:31 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Hope you are settled in for the night and are warm. I hopefully won't be far off bed but wanted to check in with you first.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember08 May 2019, 9:08 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7, sweet of you. Was your dr apt serious? Hope not. With no tv or radio or real food, utensils, or fridge... its a bit hit- n-miss here, somewhat board. Spent the day mostly in bed reading (though concentration poor), but really should brainstorm what I need & go get it. Forecast is for even colder tonight... And rain. Just wanna stay under the doona.
Anyway, thanks,csleep tight xox

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor08 May 2019, 9:14 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

GP wasn't serious but needed a couple of scripts, a few things checked out and my flu shot @Former-Member Not feeling very well tonight but that could be the flu shot and meds, Need to head to bed now but will chat tomorrow with you Hon. Hope you keep warm under your doona

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember10 May 2019, 1:33 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

- sunset from my new kitchen window -

Hi @Zoe7 , and anyone else around. How's your day? Did you work? I finally ducked out Las night & got much needed supplies.... food, toot paper :face_with_rolling_eyes:, dog bones, tins of soup, little long life milks... (my cuppa is priority 😁). Don't have fridge so bit like camping here.

Rainy day, lots of talk of snow... Must be frozen down south there? I'm staying inside, fortunately one of the thermastat wall heaters work well..

Had dizzy spells and dainty yesterday - probably from not eating anything much for two days, but hope it will pass now I'm eating. So quiet here without tv, probably a good thing 🙂

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor10 May 2019, 5:01 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

The sunset is lovely @Former-Member We have some beautiful sunsets here over the mountain but I have to go outside (and up the ladder) to get a good picture.

It seems like you are slowly getting a few things - I would not cope without a tv or fridge though - but glad the heater is working. It is cold here today but home now with the heater on also. I think we are expecting some rain tonight - didn't have any today so we could take the preps outside after lunch for them to play. We get out construction and water based play things and the kids love it.

Been a pretty good day at work - got some testing done with one class that I needed to catch up on so that was a bonus. One kid was away so I will catch up with him next week.

Been to the shops and got my mum a card and small present for Mother's Day. I'll get her some flowers on Sunday as well - she knows I can't afford much so that will be enough.

Better feed my babies now and get amfew mthings done before I settle in for the night.

Hope you are snuggly with your fur baby and keeping occupied

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember11 May 2019, 10:44 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yeah, occupied on my mobile phone mostly 😒 lol. You on the other hand are soooo productive. Sounds like work brings you some joy... preps are such a good age, and ya thinking of your mum tomorrow...

I don't do mother's day

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor11 May 2019, 11:17 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

The preps are little energiser bunnies on energy drinks @Former-Member lol They are pretty cute though and do play well together.

I have been to the market but can't mow now as it has rained while we were out. Going to do my last load of washing and get it pegged out - hoping the rain has passed for the day.

A little more housework to get done before I settle in for the footy this afternoon. Toby is already snuggled on the doona so he is happy and Cat is curled up in her room on her favourite bed. Think I may join them for a nap myself for a little while before I do anything else today.

So not such a productive day going to be happening here but I made it out with my sister early and now can relax. Hope you can too and you are staying warm

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember11 May 2019, 8:20 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks Zoe, I had a big spend today.
Who's playef footy today? Your an EELS supporter aren't you? If I ever supported any footy teams it was the Parramatta EELS👍

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