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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember01 May 2019, 11:51 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7, need to chat but don't know where to start.
I've paid a bond for my new rental, to move in next week. A town 4hrs from here, where I know nobody.
Its it's taken so long to be accepted, I believe I should take it. Plus, don't really want to be on the road through winter, especially with this bursitis & arthritis. Its a humble little 2br cottage where I can have dog, and get space away from some difficult people here.
But I'm just so exhausted.
How are you?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor02 May 2019, 3:52 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Even though this new place is a long way from where you currently are it seems like a nice cottage @Former-Member - and you can have dog with you so that is awesome. I understand you not wanting to be on the road during winter so this may be a good idea to get through the colder months.

I am okay - been doing it tough the past few weeks but it is what it is and I'll get on top of it all again in time. Grateful to have my house and fur babies to come home to and be able to relax after work.

I understand that exhaustion feeling - pretty much feeling that too at the moment but hoping that passes as I begin to get back into the swing of things at work and sort out a few other things I need to get on top of. It is a slow process but I have support to do it all so that is a bonus.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember02 May 2019, 7:43 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hanging in there
together @Zoe7,
one day at a time.
Thanks 🍁🌺🍁
Today my new Dr was happy to fill out public housing medical support documents. Wow, a nice, intelligent Dr here finally, and now I have to move 😒

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor02 May 2019, 7:47 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

That is unfortunate @Former-Member but so nice you have found him to do what needs to be done for now. You never know - the move might be a great fresh start for you and you might find another simialr doctor where you are moving to.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Shaz51Senior Contributor02 May 2019, 7:54 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

sending you hugs @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember05 May 2019, 12:03 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Keep thinking I should end it... rather than move. "Only thoughts" ?? Really ?? But why are they there?

TAKING THS TOPIC TO A NEW DISCUSSION: "why suicidal thoughts when stressed"

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember08 May 2019, 12:02 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Former-Member,

I am sorry you are going through such a stressful time at the moment, which is causing you to feel like "end[ing] it". I want to check in with you, so i am just letting you know I am sending you an email now.

Warm Regards,

Turquoise.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor08 May 2019, 12:04 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember08 May 2019, 12:14 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Well,vi did it! Spent my first night in my new home. Rent aidvin advance & bond. It was so quiet here, lovely... Crashed early with sore back, heavy meds... woke early, racing mind...

Just got triggered by a ''''legal" issue... an email stating the house I have been staying is now on the market to sell. Even WITH my own place now (only since 3pm yesterday), it set off palpitations & I've spent the morning doing breathing meditation, to try calm down. Should have known better than to own email just yet. But I'll survive.

Haven't told ANYONE my new address, just enjoying knowing nobody's gonna come knocking, uninvited, wanting, taking.... Just me and God furbaby and, teabsgs 💗

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor08 May 2019, 12:21 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

It is great that you have moved @Former-Member - it has been a long road for you but you have done it You knew they wanted to sell the house but coming so quickly would be a bit of a shock ...now you have this new place though and will not need to travel over the winter months - that is a huge bonus. Settle in and enjoy the solitude for a while

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