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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember08 July 2021, 1:27 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh @Adge, severe (life threatening) reactions to any new substance dually occurs soon after administration, as in anaphylactic shock. This is the one they look for in that 15min.
Glad you liked the picture and no adverse affects.

Hi @Emelia8, I see you there, how's your week going?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor08 July 2021, 1:46 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member ... been thinking of you these past few days. Hope you are okay. 😄🐶🌹

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember08 July 2021, 10:32 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Emelia8 - my mums lost birthday this last week, you know how it plays on the mind. They say to call griefine but ha, they never answer. Have you ever rang them? But mum & I were not outwardly close (like it sounds you were with yours) my mum was difficult, but I loved her. 82 was her time and she died peacefully not alone. My living far away hasn't helped relations. It is what it is. Hope you're ok as can be Em 💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember08 July 2021, 11:13 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Feeling shut out again, so many suspect powergames. Probably just imagination, paranoia, gaslight... Lonely. Trying not to let it matter "feelings are not facts" and everyone else seems happy together, and you're here 🤗 and so many other d&m posts above...

Hey, rearranged my bedroom yesterday, it's MUCH better. Hurt my back but that's a given these days with activity :face_with_rolling_eyes:grr. But what's good is I actually managed to replicate the lovely feeling I often feel when I stay at a dear old friends place - so organised, so tidy, fresh and clean... minimalist, quality linen and we'll, I always felt like a princess there. After rearranging and cleaning out my room and laying in my own bed, I had that heavenly feeling last linked to staying at her place... and I created that 🤗. Wasn't the goal, just a pleasant outcome, I hope to keep up. It's really hard to get on top of clutter / hoarding (mess).

A Friend visited today which I'm thankful for. Need to find a tribe 💜

@Shaz5130km isn't that far but would reduce time with your mum. If something good comes up you could rent it out and stay where you are for now. But... I wouldn't be in a rush to add to your stress load at the moment. Just a thought 💜
Good night anyone around 😴

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor09 July 2021, 1:57 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

My mum was 82 when she died too @Former-Member . And yes, we were always close. Though distance wise, we were 7 hrs drive apart, for the last 10 years of her life. I am okay thanks sweetie. Though I am disappointed to hear you are feeling shut out here recently. Really hope that changes for you.

Sending love your way.

Emelia 😊💖

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AnastasiaSenior Contributor09 July 2021, 2:28 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 💐🌹💞

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor12 July 2021, 9:18 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member You said "Not my Monkeys, not my Circus" (another Thread) - Good saying.

They keep on throwing their Monkeys (& Circus Show) at us - So let Send some Monkeys Back to them....

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember12 July 2021, 9:59 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

🤣 Thats pretty funny @Adge gotta rise above the quagmire somehow lol How was a your day?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor12 July 2021, 10:24 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I would just Love to Unleash those Flying Monkeys @Former-Member Call it Reaping their Negative Karma - Although I don't see any Evidence for the existence of Karma.

Or call it Payback Time....

Cold, Windy & heavy rain (some flooding) here - So not really much fun.

Canary escaped from Cage again this morning, while I was cleaning cage.

It's the female Canary, she's very crafty - So I had to get the Net again, & chase her around the kitchen.

Today was our 1st day of No Mask-Wearing, Yippee time to Celebrate!

So I'm Grateful for that.

It was more Complicated (Post-Lockdown) this time- For the past 7 days you did not have to Wear a Mask Outdoors...

But you still had to Wear a Mask Inside any Building.

I didn't know that initially- I turned up to my Psych Appointment without a Mask (last week).

So they gave me their last Spare Mask.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember13 July 2021, 4:04 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Adge, no I don't believe in Karma. Bad things do happen to good people... Judgement day... now that's a different story 🤔
Your canary must think you need the exercise lol I have humerus visions of you running aroud the house with a bird net 🤣
Gosh, you have had some good rain in the west, definately a wet winter ☔
Mask free is good. I carry a fabric mast in handbag and glovebox cause it changes. Got to when social distancing difficult. I was looking at contact suburbs in Sydney last night, i think the horse has bolted there 😟 with all my rels I find myself praying for them even after what they put me through. One of my nephew's just had his first child and it's even in his suburb. This Delta is a game changer. I worry for the stress our leaders are under... with all the criticism (not support) that's chucked at them... I'd be a mess. They're just human.
Anyway, keep warm and dry and safe Adge 💙💚💛🧡❤️

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