why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 🌷🌻🌹😄💕🐶🌺

I hear you re your Worry Room post @Former-Member . And I totally understand.

It is incredibly hard losing our beloved pets, but I agree with you ... it is definitely not the same as losing a much loved human.

When it comes to pets, we know they will only be with us for a relatively short time, and we accept that ... and prepare for their inevitable loss. We love them like a member of our family, and our hearts break when we lose them.

Humans however ... they are meant to live well into their 80's these days. And if they are taken from us sooner than that, particularly a child for example, it is just beyond our acceptance. No ... you cannot compare the two.

I expect you are feeling deeply your considerable losses (your darling girl and your parents) just now. I wish I could offer some form of comfort to you. With the 2 year anniversary of my Mums death on 15th of this month, and a visit from my brother overnight reminding me of the loss of my little 11 yo niece, on top of the recent loss of my husband ... I feel for you.

I hope you are okay dear EOR? You had your AZ jab recently ... any side effects?

Emelia 🤗💕

Oh, thank you @Emelia8 - I was just looking for your threat to say hi (still struggle navigating social media). Yes, feeling the sadness over pet grief and, you got it, it's tapped into my underlying grief causing sepage 😢
again... but you know about that. You're niece, grieving sibling, hubby, ya mum... all so fresh...
Anniversaries don't help... my brain will probably forget on the 15th so please accept my sympathies now for it in case, so hard.
It's my mums lost Birthday this week... perhaps that might be niggling away at me... and the pain of watching her die😢... it's our 4th year without her now, feels like yesterday. Oh my heart can't take much more...
And phone going flat
But thanks so much Em 💗
With 'the jab' - my arm hurts and muscles ache and fatigue & chills last night... otc analgesia & rest have helped, but better this morning I think. Ta for asking. Probably not helping emotional responses.
Betta go charge phone
Hugz Em 💗

@Former-Member 🤗💕

Hugs @Emelia8 It is always good to see you around and supporting others and speaking true.

@Former-Member

I only just saw your photos and hear about your lovely few hours with your son. It really does help as mothers to see our adult children mature/ Especially good that he is less angry with the world and has enough good energy to spoil you a little. Maybe he felt the need as it is so rare. No matter.Just good it happened. It is not easy for young people in today's world. It is a hard fast complicated world and not all of it is progress.

I know the loneliness and difficulty of setting up new social connections. Last night I sat in the train and if children are on board, that often helps my mood re general society. Even watching a father try and manage a bolshie 4 year old. Back to choir and singing some truly wonderful sacred music. It gives me strength and calms my spirit, First time back after 18 months. Good to see familiar faces, but feeling the need to keep it a bit business like rather than getting close.

Re your worry post. Like you I have suffered far too much grief with family. Like you I am sometimes hurt when people presume the loss of a pet is the same.

Personally, I have taken a few social knocks this month. Somehow I am a slow learner and need to stop the over share, and even though a lot of the theory talks about being vulnerable and the possible benefits, I have to adjust some of my sharing behaviours. I am getting old to have time left to develop lots of real friends. Forum friends are a real consolation.

Cheers Bella

Apple

Hi @Appleblossom, Sorry for slow reply but had to think through some of these deeper issues that command a meaningful response...

Not sure my son fussed because time together is scarce... he did say he "can't just sit and talk, wants to DO stuff. Ehilebits definately a positive coping strategy, I do think its a bit of a 'control thing' and avoiding the sadness that so often surfaces with D&M conversations with us, which I'm coming to terms with (understandable). And he's 30 now. Best to build 'good' memories with what's left. "Choose ya battles" and all...

You're spot on with the "loneliness and difficulty setting up new social connections" Watching children misbehave can be funny. I avoid children cause they remind me of what is lost. haha I had to look up 'bolshie' - good one!

Glad you're back at Choir 🎶 Sacred music means a lot to me too, same re strength and calm. And there's nothing wrong with keeping ya guard up, or being business-like with acquaintances. We have all different degrees of closeness in life, very few come into my inner circle these days (if anyone). Its killing me but I'm starting to like being a recluse. I'm done.

Yes, that WorryPost re pets is a hard one. I'm an empathy, and it pulls me under sometimes.

Maybe the story re cat taps into unresolved issues watching my mum get eaten away by ca... to half her size, a skeleton 😞 and watching her die... It hurts, and then I realise it's over a cat and... I don't know 😟 probably shouldn't share. But do they really think the loss of a pet is the same? 😣 Thats the trouble with MAJOR SUDDEN LOSS... it cutsSo deep into the soul that the rest doesn't seem so bad. But of cause it is for those who don't know it.
IT'S ALL RELATIVE

Sorry you've had a "few social knocks" recently, and thinking of pulling back or adjusting so ya not so vulnerable... well, I all that self care... some people just don't recognise our pearls :face_with_rolling_eyes:

Getting old does seem harder to develop friends. I've totally stuffed up with all the moving I've done. Pandemic Pandemonium isn't helping. Oh well. Yes, or forum friends here do console... always here when it seems noone else is, even if just to read 💕

@Former-Member Sorry I haven't checked in for a while.

Not in good state - So want to write/ type something supportive, yet cannot think.

Yes Grief & Loss is so Tough - Often not adequately acknowledged by peope or society.

There are many types of "Unacknowledged Grief" - Where society/ people does not even legitimise someone's Grieving.

Because they don't consider that a "Legitimate type of Grief".

Adge

Thanks @Adge - Nice to see you. I guess most people are fortunate enough not to have lived through close trauma / major grief / loss, and DONT understand, and just can't handle it, some even see the expression of grief as being 'negative'
- a choice
- attention seeking
- victimisation
- giving up
- milking it...
I was accused of all these the first year after my girl died. It was so isolating. And family were the worst.
Ive thought much about it the years that followed, pickng up the pieces that just keep falling off.
I never knew the pain without living it. And would never wish it in my worst enemy, not even as payback, just so they can 'understand' 😟

And since every experience is different anyway... nobody but God can really know.
And I suppose my seeing other grief as 'less than' is in a way being just as bad as those who do it to me 😢

So, The best thing I guess is to say nothing - just be kind - presume everyone's fighting a battle of some kind so go gently.
Sorry you've been doing tough. I've picked up bits on other threads (especially your frustrations with incompetence in high places stuffing around you around:face_with_rolling_eyes:) but just not known what to say to help much. .
Thanks for dropping by my bird bro.

Chin up 🤗 Let me know how your COVAX goes - I survived mine this last week xox

Hi @Adge ^^^
Hope you're not too unwell today after COVAX yesterday? And long drive, crowd and wait. Bit of a cattle Line these clinics are. I had my AZ last week and felt it the next day... fluy for 5days but after night chills it cleared. Take otc analgesia regular for few days ❣️

Hi @Former-Member I like the Thistles in your Picture.

Apparently Goldfinches & various other Finches - Love eating thistle flowers (& thistles).

Losing a child (I'm told) is one of the hardest Griefs to grieve - So yes it is harder, or bigger than some other losses that we grieve.

So rough that your relatives Minimised your loss - definitely not fair.

Clinic like a Cattle Line you said - Yes definitely felt like that.

We had to go around & around through dividers & lines - like lining up at the Airport, to Check your Bags in.

The only thing Missing was the Cattle Prod (with electric shocks in it).

So far no ill effects or symptoms - Just a very sore, bruised shoulder (where injection was).

I don't see the purpose in making us wait 15 minutes after the Vaccination - Symptoms don't occur until later (usually) anyway...

Adge