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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Former-Member it's 6 week's Temporary work.

Then end of contract- No extension.

Casual Pay of $24 per hour (including Loading) Very Low.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Love that @Former-Member

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

ROADTRIP #5 Another Road Discovery... I took the long way home after visiting my boy in Brizzy... this time by the North Hinterland and back around. It was lovelier than expected. The mist and lush greenery, winding steep roads smid the rainforest rocky terrain. Bellbirds among many all chattering away in the bush, so full of life. Near the top a popular Cafe was packed out with touring motorbikers, bikes filled the street on both sides. I kept driving to the parkland higher up and unpacked my picnic bag with Georgia. We went down a couple of walking tracks, GG loves the different smells there. Then it was off to visit some nearby villages on the way home. The people are so lay-back. I got the best coffee at a little TaiCafe, and found the usual collection of treasures in the local Op shops. Called in on a friend before artiving home where I promptly crashed for the next 12hrs 😴

All worth the pain 😊

My son is more relaxed (less angry with the world - a real answer to prayer) and he spoilt me rotten... bought yummy Chinese, gave me a choice, took me out for HotChoc by Riverbank at night (so much night life in the city, and pretty lights everywhere🌆 it was just lovely. We watched a movie and he woke me in the morning with Macca's 😮 wow! Not sure if he feels he has to entertain me but hey, I'm not complaining 😁 as it was only only a few hours. His Cat couldn't take his eyes off Georgia dog - so cute. Georgia nipped him once when getting too close, otherwise they behaved.

Well, that's my update...

Stillgoing 💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @outlander how are you? Thank you for the flowers, just beautiful 💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AnastasiaSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hello @Former-Member

Love your photos of your road trip, lovely to hear of your adventures and your time with your son. 💕 Take care of you 😊

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

It's really hard to come back from breakdowns. To try weave people back into the our life when you know you're capable of hurting them again... and they know it too. It's hard to pretend everything will be fine, exhausting 😢 "faking it 'till we make it" feels like deception. Guess the question I keep asking is

"is the world better off without me?"

I try my best but seem to attract that disapproval even in little things. Millennials believe it's selfish for the elderly to expect their kids to care for them... And they travel abroad... friends move away, die or just get busy too... The prasuicide thing hard to forget, they refuse to let me live it down. Forever branded...

I get confused myself, what I want I seem shut out from... meaningful relationships, and it's so hard to keep picking oneself up over and over...

just having a whinge / trying to figure out the why, but of course... it's not that simple.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Anastasia 🤗

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AnastasiaSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I think you are worth it @Former-Member 🌹

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Had my 1st AZ jab yesterday and as predicted I feel crap today... muscle aches and weakness this morning. Hope I've done the right thing. 2nd dose due Sept.

I stocked up on dog food and groceries on the way home yesterday, just in case I got really unwell...

We got rain setting in for few days now too so I'm all set up to bunker down and rest.

Not in lockdown here but my son is in Brizzy. Glad i felt to visit him last week.
Created another good memory there.
I just realised I haven't had to fight off SI for some time now. Strange. Must be healing.
Hope everyone's ok. Talk to me if you want company. I need it too
💙💙💙
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