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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AnastasiaSenior Contributor07 May 2021, 9:28 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Awww thank you @Adge

That warms my heart 🙏

How lucky are we all to be here...funny how life's heartache bring us to a.place of safety and comfort.

((((Group hug)))

Love you guys 💞

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember07 May 2021, 11:06 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Shame our childhood sucked @Adge, hard to separate from. How was yours @Anastasia?
Im so miffed? Just found out, after engaging an expensive solicitor to write my sister re Estate Admin, i find our she's dismissed her lawyer without telling me or consulting anyone. grr
Impossible situation. My solicitor submitted request that I be joint Administrator with my sis, so I can keep an eye on it's division, I don't even know if she got that info, or if my submission caused her to move on. She doesnt realise what she's doing (misrepresenting us) is against the law. Another red flag this covert shift in legals. so arrogant, doesnt want to acknowledge anyone else's wishes or needs in the family. Justvwalks all over,Sad me the worst. sorry sad Sac of a human being.. My older brother also wasted money on his solicitor, having to start over,vif she even lets us in on this attempt to sole control of dad's estate.. I imagine sis will make up a story to get this control without us now. So arrogant. I'm done wasting energy on them

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AnastasiaSenior Contributor08 May 2021, 8:21 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hello @Former-Member @Adge 👋💞

I'm sorry both of your childhoods sucked. Just not fair really. Wish for change just don't have the answers. Your sister!!! Omg!!! How frustrating and anger provoking @Former-Member , I am so sorry 😔

Selfish, and other words come to mind I can't use.

My childhood...I grew up living in fear. Surrounded by violence, Sa (only once 😔) hiding the truth, a controlling parent. To the outside world a happy family.

My pdoc said my anxiety, low self esteem and other issues stem from my childhood of living in fear.

Guess I fared okish? but really understand how our childhood is the foundation of us.

Love to you both x

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember08 May 2021, 12:43 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi & thanks @Anastasia, sorry you had so much violence & fear too, andvevenbone sa is enough to cause disfunctional. Our individual makeup can cause deeper wounds, re easier to hurt... say for sensitive and intelligent types... We are complex and maybe they need to teach good parenting basics in high school or something. God knows they teach a whole lot of other useless crap at school. Oh no, there I go attacking again. Anastasia, do you have a thread you're on mostly, I forget so much. Hope Em is ok. You've been good to her. Yes, my sis is resolute in excommunicating me from her life in every way, she has her reasons (real or unfounded) but I do think a lot of where she's at is screaming "I CANT HANDLE IT" And all I can think of is my grief and major depression. She's back stabbed me a lot and lacks empathy for others all her life, and reality is I GUESS I PULLED AWAY FIRST, emotionally, being 5yrs older and leaving home at 16 didn't help. Does my head in trying to work it out so I'll just have to accept she doesn't want a sister. So stupid really. It's not asbifbwere in each other pockets. Makes her feel powerful I guess, once I stop reacting (feeding the control monster) it will hopefully get out of the way. Once the family estate is done and dusted, tell try again then maybe. I donno.
What you guys doing today. I'm getting ready for an O/n visit from my son. Are you planning time with your boy (how many do you have again? Sorry). Mother's Day is hard for a lot of people.
I think with those who have died and living death's (estrangement) these man made anniversary dates are so hard. It helps me to light a candle to celebrate the Good that was there. My mum had good traits as well. Gotta try focus on that.
Gotta go. Thanks for your post, means a lot 💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AnastasiaSenior Contributor08 May 2021, 1:06 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thank you for your message @Former-Member

Yes Eor good parenting should be taught..after all society's foundation is people. How can we teach our kids when we don't have the tools to do so? I wish I was a better parent. I wonder if my boys had better parents where they would be in life. Social media sees many of my peers with highly successful kids. Sigh oh well, I did my best. Haha and yes I agree with so much crap being taught. Life skills are so overlooked at school, again an expectation of the parent/s so we go back to good parenting lessons!

My thread is Trying to stay Sane.

I have two sons, my boy is my youngest, his brother two years older than him. A very strained relationship between the two of them 😔

I think Em's as ok as she can be, I think tomorrow will dredge up raw emotions to add to her already broken heart. 😔

I hope the messages here are helping her get through each day 🙏

Such a special soul with such a big 💖

It's hard to know what goes on in your sisters head. Sad but so common for siblings sadly. I have a very strained relationship with my brother and when my parents are gone won't have one at all.

I had the conversation just recently around days like Mother's Day and said I wished they weren't a day. Dredges up so much for some. Anyway I love that your son is coming and.i really hope you have a wonderful night and day tomorrow. You are so deserving of that. Holding you in my thoughts dear Eor xoxo

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor09 May 2021, 3:59 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Sending lots of love to you today @Former-Member and hoping you are being showered with the kindness you deserve.

💜💖🌸💖💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 May 2021, 6:34 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Eve7 - you too 😢 So hard 😢 my son came, took me out to lunch, and a country drive to little tourist town. He's stressed & seemed put out, but I know he means well, even took my furbaby for a much needed walk while I finished lunch. Lots of doting attention from strangers today.
Hope you're ok Eve7 💐💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AnastasiaSenior Contributor24 May 2021, 10:24 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hello @Former-Member

Hope you are ok?

You haven't written here for a while...

Thank you for dropping in to say hi, it means a lot xox

sending you love ❤️

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember25 May 2021, 7:44 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Anastasia - yes, ok enough, waiting for someone to actually ask.

Back nerve pinching 😣 feel bit lonely & unmotivated, but holding my own ta.

Decidedto renew my lease (reluctantly) cause of my health... be 'kind' to myself lol. Wouldn't be wisest move atm and I do love my furbaby and garden setup. Tend to RUN (react) too often when people in power hurt me.

Hada barrage of medical tests last week so maybe just lay low 'till results back.

My Bro4 sent a troubling tx out, he's so tormented... pushes everyone away then screams abandonment. I can't handle the lies, language and anger... I try but I can't anymore (does that make me a had person?) and so scared to get that call he's died, and that guilt feeling I didn't help enough. God knows i've tried. Done my best. Benefit of the doubt was walked under foot... then they want more 🤨

MI has a crushing impact on family units. Especially when the patient is noncompliant with medical advise, in denial, drugs, blames everyone else, paranoid... victimised... Can't see how much God loves him... doesnt want to... rebellious... Self hatred one minute, grandiose the next. So confusing. Hurt for him.

Feel for your situation A😢

I'm waiting for my son to return my call Sunday, he worries me... not sure if he needs space... guess so... actually, just realised he's with "the outlaws" this week, that would explain it. Hope they're kind to him. Wish he had faith.

If I can just learn to "be content" in my own bubble with God... Not bother anyone. Interacting with people hurts.

Anyway, back at the ranch (outside of my head and cyberspace lol) I gotta put furbaby out for pee & grab a cuppa.

Check back later.
💙💚💛🧡💜💔💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor25 May 2021, 8:48 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Love and caring hugs to you EOR, and little GG as well.💖

@Anastasia @Eve7 @Adge 😄

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