why can't I cope longer?

Editing out what you've asked takes away the most important part & my voice. But even though I don't believe it will harm anyone but me (clearly less important) I'll try edit for sane 😢

Hi @Former-Member. I'm sorry to hear the impact of having your post removed. It is not our intention to censor your experience or take away your voice. We do need to be mindful of keeping details that might be triggering to the community to a minimum. We appreciate you editing your post. If you have feedback around the moderation processes, you are welcome to provide this via team@saneforums.org.

EDITED REPOST:

"Finally picked up my mail which had the forms to sign for estate administration. It's sitting there on he table, express post envelope... I just can't bring myself to open it yet. Don't know how I feel about it, it's weird. I'm just numb. This 'family' who don't want me around... I donno 😢
Had a spend today, a couple of Gumtree items. A comfe cute little cast iron outdoor rocking chair with cushion. And classical guitar in hard case 🤗 Can't wait to clean it up and replace the strings and play again 🎼. My son has my expensive rhythm guitar. I prefer nylon picking. This one is a 3/4 classical guitar which will be less of a stretch for my fingers. Love that it's in a hardcase. So, that's my spend for the month. Nice to meet and exchange pleasantries with others. It's the only company I get most weeks, to go shopping, they're usually happy with me, to get a sale I guess. But we smile and talk about the weather... Wonder if it shows how pathetically lonely I am? Probably, who cares.
Watched that Mylat story on tv tonight, featured a lot of stamping ground in my youth . Brang back a lot of memories - was all over the news when I was young. My bloods ran cold when they related how one of the victims asked around the pub for a lift home the night she went missing. It took me back to a time when I've done the same thing... I went to a concert at the local rsl club one night, by myself as just broke up with boyfriend. I was 17. Rang taxi to go home but they were booked out for 2hrs so, yep, you guessed it, I went asking around for a lift home. Total strangers. One guy popped up and said "yeah sure" His mate said to him "come on, she's just a kid" There was my clue of intent right there, i missed it. When he drove past my turnoff I knew 😞
At least he had the decency to drive me home where I headed straight to the shower 🤮. Couldn't tell my parents, things were strained there, mum was so cruel and dad (the Korean war vet with a gun in the manhole) he'd go balistic, Besides, I felt ashamed - and that it was my own stupid b#### fault.... Took me years to realise it wasn't. Actually, the detail I've just written here [mostly removed by moderator so as to not trigger you]... I've never told anyone before. Funny that, how it never leaves you. And I never got counselling... Just tottled off to work 7am the next day as if nothing happened. My first suicide attempt was two years later, never made the connection. But I learnt not to go out alone much, especially to pubs or clubs since :face_with_rolling_eyes: and certainly don't ask strangers for a lift home anymore. Just remembering re tv tonight. So many life triggers these days.. I'm not distressed or anything, just sad, very sad 😢 and teary. Glad they got Mylat. But it is 4am and I can't sleep so yeah, it's got to me. .

Gotta take Georgia dog off to groomers in the morning so should downscreen, try sleep 😴.

Sorry this is longer than planned. but gladvi got that out. Haha, looks like I got my talk back lol

@Zoe7 @Jupiter @Emelia8 anyone strong enough to hear me ... Thanks for listening 💙

Dear @Former-Member 😔💖

I heard you the first time around. I'm sorry the Milat story last night dredged up such distressing recollections.

I will try to respond more fully later, I just dont have the capacity right now.

But I wanted you to know I had heard you, you are not invisible and you are not alone. It seems quiet on the forums today.

I hope a @Former-Member will provide the support numbers you have requested.

Hugs to you beautiful.

Emelia 💕

Hi @Former-Member here are some support options

Hi @Former-Member I have responded to your email. Please do reach out to a helpline if you feel up to talking about what you are going through with a professional, and keep posting here too if that helps

I hear you @Former-Member and I'm so sorry 💔