why can't I cope longer?

I have very fond memories of black tea @Former-Member My Pop would make a pot of tea every afternoon for Nan (and me when I was there - which was often). I drank it black and so that is a nice memory that you have reminded me of today 😁 Maybe it is just those special little memories that mean so much that are our bright lights in the day - I miss my grandparents so much bit they gave me the world and loved me unconditionally and that is something special to cherish always.

Toby is like Georgia - he hears and senses things outside way before (and sometimes without) me becoming aware of them. If someone opens the gate he is right at the front door barking up a storm and turning circles. I don't need a front door bell becausr I have an inbuilt one with Tobes lol

I hear your frustration and ambivalence with life - it is hard to find the way forward when you don't have the energy and you are in pain ...but we tackle each day as it comes - some are better than others and some are just plain right offs. Go easy on yourself Hon - you can only do what you can do but embrace those moments of joy when they come along - it does matter

Sounds nice Zoe7 - sharing tea with grandparents. My nan made great baked dinners but children,even teenagers were to be "seen and not heard" I don't remember connecting.

What you doing today?

We used to go to my grandparents every Sunday for a baked lunch @Former-Member They were my world so I spent as much time with them as I could. It was also my safe place - away from the home and neighbourhood. I would often take off on my bike and ride there then Pop would put my bike in the back of the ute and drive me home later (that is if I didn't stay). I had spare clothes there so I stayed A LOT. Iwish you had had the same relationship with your grandparents

I have been internet shopping this afternoon for cat toys. I will hopefully pick my new little girl up in 4 weeks - she will be 12 weeks old then. I have been telling Tobes and Cat everyday that they are getting a new sister ...they have no idea what I am talking about but Tobes does react when I say sister lol

What have you been up to?

@Zoe7 @Being able to ride to your grandparents as a child, hanving them close would be reatg. Must have been bad at home for you to do that. I didn't have anywhere to run but sometimes I'd climb to the top of our tiled roof for ages.

Today I've pretty much stayed in bed, tv in background. I Googled ambivalence checking if it is a bad character flaw, but its not listed as such. Quite common... I think the bible calls it "double minded" ("unstable in all ways") so it does seem a negative to life.. Everything has a flipside it seems - We're told to "be positive" but that doesn't take away the crap. So, were left with both. Fragmented to keep up appearances, just like we do with child abuse. Old habits die hard.
Hey, your new little kitty sounds so cute. Hope there's not too much sibling rivalry lol

No ambivalence is not a bad character flaw @Former-Member - it is the absence of caring either way - something we both feel so often hey 👍 I often find it a positive - specially when dealing with people - makes me less invested in their lives and easier to deal with them.

My grandparents were about 7km away so not super close but close enough to ride to. I started doing that at about 9 years old ...and yes things were bad at home (and everywhere at that time). It became the norm for me - the first sign of aggression or anger and I would take off. My grandparents were my rocks - especially my Nan. She would call my home once I arrived and that became routine. Then I would stay for the day or for dinner (depending on the time) and be taken back home if it was a school night. Once I reached High School I just stayed as the school was very close. I sent the larger part of my teen years with my grandparents. I would even go home regularly for lunch and my Nan would have it on the table waiting for me. I do miss her soooo much.

I often think how she would be around Toby - I know she would love him (and he her) because she was a warm and engaging person - much like my little boy.

I am concerned about bringing a new kitten into the mix but very much hoping for no sibling rivalry. I am not at all concerned about Cat - she will do her own thing regardless but Tobes will have to share the attention - that will be interesting

"Being positive" is hard when there is so much to deal with in life. We can't just 'get over things' or forget but we can find those moments of joy and fill our minds with kind thoughts. It is not easy - and we are often our harshest critics but treating ourselves with care is a good start.

Dear @Former-Member

For you, because I care.

Emelia 😊💓

Hi @Adge 😄🐦🐣🐧🌹

Hi @Emelia8

Hi @Former-Member

Yes well I Value Friendships & Friends very Highly (always have).

I'm lacking/ very short of, at the moment.

So I'm always drawn to any display of affection, friendship or support - even Online ones.

Adge

@Emelia8 - thank you precious friend, that's really sweet. Please be kind to yourself. Lots of little 'me' breaks and suck up the nice things (talking to myself too there). Such a rotten few months you've come through. Keep going, the worst is behind you. Me too! Better days ahead 🤞 💗💗💗

Hey @Adge - I guess we actually have a friendship 🤗 (hard for me to say that to anyoneuch less online) but we've connected well for a couple of years now so that's a friendship 🤗 Thank you for your patience with me. For staying connected. Apparently I'm 'high maintenance' / difficult so hey, how lucky are we to have friends here 🤗

You're "authentic", trying to be "true to yourself" @Former-Member That's not High Maintenance.

Me too - Although "authentic & true" does not sell, in the Online Dating World.

I'm not the Very Rich Fellow with Free Meal Tickets - That many potential Dates (Online) seem to be looking for.

So I rarely get consideration or response.

Adge