why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Adge - authentic is good i suppose... but im not comfe discussing romantic friendships, and i'd certainly not go on a dating site again... talk about shallow.... I'm too vulnerable for that. Don't talk it.
I just woke to bad dream, a vivid, an ELE astroid entering atmosphere... impending doom...

Not sure how to get up from that. Maybe a cup of tea ☕ You want one?
Hi @Zoe7 @Appleblossom @Emelia8 @Eve7 @Faith-and-Hope @Peri and so many beautifuls here - hope today is kind to you
🍂🍃🍂🍃🍂🍃🍂🍃🍂

Yes @Former-Member I'd love to have a cup of tea with you. Just made a pot, and plenty to share. 😄🌷

Sounds like an upsetting dream. Hope your day improves.

I'm going to have this cuppa and then push myself out the door to get to my pilates class.

Emelia 💗

@Emelia8 wow, Pilates, I'm impressed! You're so motivated, where can I get some of that lol

I planned to ^time on treadmill this week but this left knee kept me up half the night. Not sure if to push or rest it. TriComp OA so don't see the point seeing dr about it. Such a catch22 with pain Vs meds Vs MH... Oh well.

I got a visitor yesterday, lovely lady (first time here) she invited me to a M/T in few weeks, which happens to be the day before my birthday... 🤔 maybe this is God's way of being family for me that w'end. She didn't know it was my b'day. God did. I have 4th brothers who never remember my birthday. My sister stopped sending cards few years back, don't know why. I turned 60 while caring for dad in Sydney and not one of them remembered. Dad's sister was dying that week, it was hard. I was dad's arms, legs and memory. Mum died. I wonder if leaving Sydney (them) decades ago was right, being away hasn't helped. Neither did having an untreated BPD+ mum. Oh well... Think my breakdown in my 20s bought great shame on the family 😢 Sorry, didn't mean to go there.

I'm upset with this AGED CARE REPORT all over the media atm. It resurfaces all the family conflict around my dad and of cause his unhappy passing in that horrible place. He was so happy at home with me and his allied health team. I don't know where I went wrong there, how better to manage my siblings through all that or why they were so determined to get him into s nursing home. I've worked in those places, why wouldn't they listen to me? Why is supporting one another so difficult in some families?

Just because someone has had a breakdown years before doesn't mean they can't manage a household. I've had to by myself through the thick of it, without the amazing dva support systems dad had in place at home. He was so angry with me when I wasn't allowed to bring him home from respite. My head was spinning. To pull this off my bro2 falsely represented me which is why NCAT took over everything, and why the nursing home were horrible. Nobody knows what to believe so they shut out everyone. Poor dad. My younger sibs had no idea what wheels they set in motion, think they do now. Poor dad. My MH did decline under all the emotional abuse, like family court - the impact on the caregivers is irrelevant, which is why I left town, got away from them all, the ongoing emotional abuse... to try hold my own better. I feel bad for dad that I had to. I'm told the others hardly ever visited him, the pandemic didn't help. Untrained nurses not eeding list ending to family (me) a recipe for disaster, not sitting him up in bed no doubt contributed to his repeated aspiration pneumonia and inevitable stroke that took him out. I hate them. I hate myself for being so powerless in the situation. So lack the ability to move people... I just run away, alone. Oh God help my unbelief 😭

im

so sorry FatherGod, my earth dad, my girl, my younger siblings, my son... please forgive my unbelief, my mistakes, and God plz bring me back to the here-and-now today. It's all I have left. I love goodness and nature and colour and light and pups and birds ... and grateful. Please wipe away the tears, the dark thoughts, help me rest in you. Give my dad, my mum, my nan and my girl a hug there for me. I don't know what else to do this day. 🙏

It's one of those days. It's my brain doing it. Was ok when i woke up, before I put TV on and started to THINK. SO sick of this. Any suggestions? I'll put the kettle on.

Thinking of you dear @Former-Member 💕🤗💞

And you too @Adge 😊🌸

Emelia

Travelling this journey with you @Former-Member today.

We are stronger than we think and braver than we believe.

💜💚💜

Such a beautiful pic @Emelia8

Hugs to you

@Former-Member Hearing you are going through a period of devastation.

Gently Bently with yourself.

Nuclear families are vulnerable on this earth, especially migrants, and they need a lot of resources to all be in the right place at the right time, to be able to thrive and the individuals to thrive together. So many forces in society pull people in different directions. You did a lot and you did your best. I am sure the aged care places hear many sad stories of broken families. You are not alione in that, tho I know you feel alone. I do too.

Hearing you about dating sites etc ...not sure if I will recover enough trust to go there with romantic relationship again.

@Former-Member 🙏💕🙏

@Former-Member