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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

2720 replies

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor23 Feb 2021, 10:14 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

It was ravioli ... der .... need to face facts ...brain not working the best ....

Cheers @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember23 Feb 2021, 10:59 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Ravioli ?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Feb 2021, 9:32 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Wanted to quickly pass by and let you know that No you have not at all contributed to the way I have been feeling here - too many triggers over quite a bit of time and just too much for me to deal with. Nobody's fault - it is what it is. We cannot know what is triggering for others all the time and that should never be a reason for any one to not post what is happening for them - sometimes we can deal with those things and sometimes we can't ...it has just been the way that for a while I just can't! I know you have had similar experiences and needed time away yourself so get what I am feeling. Really just wanted you to know that I value you and do think about you ...we have been on a long road together for so long and you matter to me

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember26 Feb 2021, 10:05 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7 - yes, withdrawing is my natural defence to. Pretty common around here, and then we're back, and that's nice 🤗🦋🦉🦋🦉🦋🦉🦋

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Feb 2021, 10:06 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 💖💖💖

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

PeriSenior Contributor27 Feb 2021, 12:17 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

To @Zoe7 @Former-Member ,

all love and care to you both. I agree about withdrawing. I do that, here and in life. I retreat into my little world, in my home, try to feel safe and find one good thing in each day, I can’t always. But I know that does not mean that there are not good things happening around me.

i admire both of you as you continue to offer support to others in spite of your own issues

peri

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor27 Feb 2021, 12:40 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Peri It is a difficult time for me right now and I have fallen backwards a fair way but it hopefully won't be forever. Once I have some medical answers I will tackle whatever comes with that - not feeling very strong or capable of doing that presently but it is more the not knowing and fear that is also contributing to me not being able to deal with triggers - so yes I do retreat - it is necessary to avoid as many triggers as possible and look after myself the best way I know how. I also feel useless in being able to support anyone else so need to stay away for that reason also.

You are right - there are good things all around us - the trick is in seeing them, acknowledging them and letting them bring a little light into our lives amidst all the darkness. Keep that light lit Peri and you will see them too.

Hi @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember27 Feb 2021, 1:39 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Peri Good to see you 💞 Morning @ Zoe7 💞

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember27 Feb 2021, 2:04 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Feels there's not much left to give anymore... or is that low self-esteem talking... and what the hell is self esteem anyway - if not over inflated self centredness. I never did understand it
And with comments like "your brain not working too well indeed... that hits confidence... Yep, I kinda get neutralised easily these days... no shield or something... hate that I'm so pathetic in this way, cowering away to my corner every time, kinda rewarding the 😯.
But even then, from that place, sometimes a spark within gives an image or word I think can help a little, bring someone out, or just bring a bit of joy or peace,
I feel in the Autumn of my life and so ready to move on. I don't have issue with it anymore. It's the way of things.
@ Zoe7 - thanks for the reminder to seek out and highlight the beautiful around us. Reminding me that Not everything i touch turns to mud. Sorry, but I think EOR has had the blues all week, bigtime... lol - Blue Donkey BD is bigger than Black Dog BD ya know. More placid.
So lazy (depressed) today, Still in bed. Lots of pain o/n (took something heavy). Need help with it all but just don't have energy to navigate the system geared more towards earning money than helping people, I'm so tired, and then being told it's me.
5am my placid little Furbaby woke me barking at the crack of dawn today - worked up, most unusual so I had to check it out, and sure enough, there's this scruffy looking old border collie X sniffing around out front. How on earth does my GG know he's there? But I was glad it was just a four legged intruder and not human 😯
I'm sipping a black tea atm. Trying to give up milk to see if it helps the weight loss - gotta reduce the load on the systemic joint pain and inflammation somehow... so sick of it! Black tea is Not as nice but i hope to get use to it.
You guys have a good weekend, hope you have something nice planned 🤗
Reeeeely quiet here today, for a city... Like it!

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AnastasiaSenior Contributor27 Feb 2021, 3:05 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thinking of you @Former-Member 🙏💞

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