Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

2720 replies

221 - 230 of 2,720

1...22 23 24...272

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor08 Apr 2019, 7:02 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Glad it went okay today @Former-Member and hope that pain eases sooner than a week for you.

I think it is great you are heading out of this thread and visiting others - you can get more support from more people that way too. It would also be great for you to share your journey with your van and where you end up going with more people as I am sure they would be interested - I know I am

I came home from work early today - massive headache - so much so that I couldn't see properly. Thank goodness it was a very short drive home. Slept for a couple of hours, had pain meds and slept for a bit longer. Aready had night meds and more pain killers and expecting to head to bed really early. I need to try to get through the rest of this week and get to the holidays.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember08 Apr 2019, 7:48 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Y O U C A N D O I T @Zoe7 💪

Have an early night tonight 😴

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor08 Apr 2019, 9:33 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member I am alright. Might meds kicked in, so not online long.

Glad to see you and @Zoe7 "chatting".

I am only recently getting how long emotional and social things take in real life....

See you wonderful practical ladies around ...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Apr 2019, 7:29 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I'm leased to report hat walking s easier now 😁 and I just bent down to pick up dog bowl without yelping 😁

the inj seems to be helping 🎉

Hi @Appleblossom, you sound troubled? Do you want to expand on your comment: "I am only recently getting how long emotional and social things take in real life.... " Donyou mean healing? or learning? Is there a specific thing happening? Does Interests me 💗

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor10 Apr 2019, 12:55 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I am alright @Former-Member Dont worry. As a child I had a lot of changes in school and home environments. I was not good at reading social cues and then also had too many severe things going on that I was not good at socialising.

Things are much calmer and more settled in last 17 years. I have a house so that means I stay in one place and "experiment" and try and socialise. More it was realising that I have to actually meet new people and have lots of interactions before I/we actually know whether we get a long. At first I think I perservered with people who were not a good fit for me anyway. I always had this thing that I had to try harder in relationships. Lately, this year, I have built up enough positive moments with people that I do have friendly feelings and trust growing. For some reason one person who did not like me had a lot of control over how I felt socially. She was in all my choirs. After 10 years, I am finally able to just avoid her, and get on with people who are prepared to reach out and be a bit nice. Tonight I looked at her and just saw a very grumpy person and felt sorry for her, but no inclination to rescue her.

I had a lot of people in my family who had mental illness and I did not know the right way to share socialise without saying the wrong things.

Today I visited a friend in an aged care place. She was one of the first people I actually laughed with, who did not make me feel bad about being awkward about laughing. I have known her about 10 years. Spent 4 hours with her doing different things (music/tv/ dinner) and then went to choir. We were both music teachers. It was a good day.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember10 Apr 2019, 8:58 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I look ke the sound of that @Appleblossom, someone you can laugh with without embarrassment. My last memory of this is in high school where three of us laughed & laughed at each other's laugh. It was amazing moment. Found out later those two were asked to befriend me as I always say alone. Think I relate to you a lot, much mental illness in my family too. I've long decided relationships are the hardest part of being alive. People are so complex and the most frightening art is very few even know who they are or what they value. Put that in a very changeable mixed up world, it's a miracle any of us get along enough to breed. LOL

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor10 Apr 2019, 4:12 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

You have great attitude. @Former-Member I like it.

lol Indeed it is a miracle people get close enough to breed ... ha ha ... but its the staying close that seems more of a problem ...for the raising of dear little offspring ... 25 years or thereabouts ...

I hope your pain levels have settled and you need less inj ... best not travel until you are in optimum condition ... I dont mean like a race horse ... ... just its hard on the road.

It makes a big difference that you remember to tag and ask about me even when you are in pain. I was in pain for a long time (neck&back) ... now its managed ... tho too much to go overseas travelling or driving ... I do occasional long train trips ... which I love. Prefer the extra room and and calmer ride to buses. Determined to find a way to enjoy life now. For a long time it was ALL about pain reduction.

Be careful with inj long term ... as pain is also a useful sign to give attention or rest to some part of your body/system. When too many meds mask it ... then we mess up.

Cheers @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember10 Apr 2019, 10:35 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Appleblossom, for hearing me, and responding. You seem so busy (helpful) across the the threads. I'm walking better but doing so much sets it off again. Think his ultra sound guided anti-inflammatory injection can only be given twice a year, Definately agree being on the road in the cold is not gonna help my joints. We've had a cold change today and it's hitting me.

I get really down for winter. Usually starts May, but today's cold has hit me hard. I miss home, wanna go home, then realise I don't have one. And cried, and miss lost loved ones, then cried. GG came snuggled up when I was crying, not had that in a dog before, I slept half the day away today. Sunset I went out to my van for the first time in 2wks. Building this bed is a pain but I shall persist 💪 Hurt my leg stretching though, need to be careful as our say. Gave me a boost though, knowing I now have something workable to move fwd with.
Neighbour gave surprise visit at sunset, shared a couple please smokes, she suffers Bipolar and had minor stroke two years ago - only 34yo 🙂 Her parents just gave her a car so she's so excited. Told her about my van, so someone in real life knows now.
Something doesn't feel right with me though, that 'impending doom' sinking feeling. Hope it's not a major depressive episode coming back 😳... don't think I can survive that again. Think I gotta move quicker to get my own place, bunker down for the winter blues snowstorm looking on horizon. Not sure how to survive that either, ya just a do it I guess. Sleep

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor10 Apr 2019, 11:11 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member ❤

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember11 Apr 2019, 12:20 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hello @outlander 💗

221 - 230 of 2,720

1...22 23 24...272