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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hate the blues, don't have enough friends for it to drive away the few of you left 😭 Oh dear ...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

Glad you have connected a little in real life. Someone dropping by is great.

When I first joined the forum I was pretty isolated. Since then I have more support to help me stay alive between the very rare drop ins by friends ...

Posting on here became a way of life. Mental health activism is a passion of mine and I gradually learned what was working for others and started to get better services. Over the years, nearly 4, real friendships have developed here online. I was a community guide for a while and definitely took a role of welcoming new people ... and trying to help ... now I relax from that ... dont feel it as a duty to be across it all ... and just post as I feel ... it has been good that the level of my continual distress has reduced although there have been crises I never would have believed ... still I am here and have more laughs in my life than I ever had ...

Take Care re winter ... I hibernated for a while about 12 years. I certainly have passed a few days cuddlled up with my pets ... I am more active now ... but still need plenty of rest ...

Cheers @Former-Member

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Zoe7 @Appleblossom @@

Thinking of you...

Hi @
Zoe7, U made it to the hols 🎉
PartyTime 🎈 Will you be going away? 🏕️
I clucked around in my van today - feeling closer to getting away, couple more weeks probably.with the leg.
Do you ever get reallynervous for no reason? that physical internal shaking? And holding jaw tight? CantCaconnectbit to anyrhing, accept maybe coming off stronfvpwin meds. Hope it's not the start of a panic attack or something.

Gruss I bettB go visit other threads, see U there 💗

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yep holidays arem here @Former-Member and it has been a great term for me. I really have felt so welcomed at this school and actually looking forward to going back after some rest over the holidays.

I do know that really nervous feeling that seems to come on for no reason - and the anxiety associated with it. There is usually a reason behind it that we just cannot identify in the moment. Hope it settles for you quickly Hon.

I love that you have been tinkering away with the van - it won't be too long before you can think about taking off in it - such adventures await and I am looking forward to hearing all about them from you.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Former-Member

Nice to hear you "cluck" in the van ... sounds cosy ... or at least eventually cosy making.

I have lots of issues around tension ... jaw, teeth and neck and lately both knees are showing wear ... its comes with trauma and stress. Today as I was walking and working around the zoo, I kept reminding muself to go softlt , with me. Softly as I walk, as I move, in my hips etc. Despite learning about and practising meditation and relaxation in my 20s ... I have been over exposed ... I can only manage what I can ...

Take care Bella

My cat howls for me ... pill time

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Aww, lovely replies thank you. Both of you have ' been there done that' with this anxiety thing, that even brang on GI rushing to toot this arvo, very out-of-the-blue... Friday's & Sat seems to be my vulnerable times so taking it easy.
Like that idea of being gentle as you walk Appleblossom... Charity starts at home... love yourself first... being your own best friend...
Gonna go find a good movie. You guys have a good weekend 💐

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

You have a good weekend too Hon. I'll be around a bit over the weekend so pop in and say hi and let us know how you are going @Former-Member if you can - and as always post if you need to and feel the support from us here

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

sending you hugs @Former-Member

Here for you my friend xx

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thank you @Shaz51, @Zoe7

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Goodmorning @Former-Member

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