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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor04 Feb 2021, 5:03 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Your hair sounds lovely @Former-Member ... I always wanted curly hair. But at best, mine gets a big of a wave in it when its longer. Or perhaps a 'kink' is a more accurate description. Winter I just wear my long hair down. Summer I like to put it up, either in a ponytail or in a loose up 'do'. Just to take it off my neck and shoulders. Cooler that way. Frizzies is not something I've ever had an issue with. I guess its a rare drawback to having lovely curly hair? 😊🌸

Yes I definitely get the tiredness @Former-Member . As you know, I dont sleep well at the best of times. And I am coming up to a period of the year where I typically start having horrible nightmares and flashbacks. And on top of that ... this year I have the extra fatigue related to cancer treatments etc. So I am even more tired than usual. So I can definitely sympathise with you on that one. You have just come through an extended period of awful anniversaries. And a distinct lack of sleep as a result. I hope that you start to get some better quality sleep in the coming days and weeks.

Perhaps your planned road trip will give you something exciting and lovely to look forward to, and that may help you to start getting some better quality sleep. I hope so. I'm glad you are going to visit your Son, and I'm sure he is looking forward to that visit too.

The burning skin is continuing, and it appears redder today as well. It feels kinda raw, if that makes sense? But the breast tissue itself is also very sore. They told me its from inflamation, but also damage to nerves .. both from the radiation. It will hopefully settle.

Oh yes, I see that you have since edited your post to Eve. Well done. I wasnt sure if you were able to edit your posts, as I think you said some time back that you were not able to. So I tagged Eve on your behalf. Does that mean then, that you finally have full use of all the post options again? If so ... great.

How did your break this afternoon go? I hope you managed a short sleep, at least.

My day started with very little sleep again, this time mainly because my poor little Holly was unwell. So I was up and down tending to her all night. Mixture of things ... breathing difficulties, then she wanted out several times before ending up throwing up. She settled after that finally ... but it was after 5am by then. But I did get an hours snooze from about 1pm this arvo. And little Holly seems fine now. I even gave her a bath, ready for her surgery tomorrow.

Hi @Clawde ... sorry you've had a 'struggle street' week so far. 😔 I hope things improve for you soon. Sending some love your way my friend. 💓

Emelia 🤗💕

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor04 Feb 2021, 5:39 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Teeth so far much better @Former-Member My whole mouth was really sore last night but the excruciating pain had gone - today some discomfort but much, much better - hope it stays that way until I go back in a few weeks. Work is super busy - so much to do over the next few days but it has to be done. The more I get done now the less I will have to do ongoing so it will be worth putting the time in now.

I love the sound of your trip - see your son then have some time by the beach 😁👍💕

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor04 Feb 2021, 9:18 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

All good @Former-Member

H died 16 January

My Dad 26 January

Wedding anni 3 February

Sister’s Birthday 5 February (died 28 August)

Baby girl April

Not good for me at this time of year 💔

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor04 Feb 2021, 9:59 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I love Curly hair too @Former-Member Always wished I had curly hair.

Glad you get to see your son soon.

Glad your tooth pain has eased somewhat @Zoe7 Although it sounds like it's been a long drawn-out work in progress, to have ressolved/ treated.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor04 Feb 2021, 10:04 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

It has been @Adge but tonight was the first time I have been able to eat in over a month without any pain at all so I am very much hoping that it is now finally on the right track.

I have curly hair @Adge @Former-Member and I have always hated it but I keep it long now to drag out those curls a bit more Tried getting it straigtened once and it didn't last long - one wash and the curls were back

How are you doing in lockdown Adge?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor04 Feb 2021, 10:23 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Woo, Another person with Curly hair @Zoe7 My nephew does not like his Bright Red/ Orange Curly Hair either...

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor04 Feb 2021, 10:30 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I'm not doing so well @Zoe7 Thanks for asking.

My Neurologist Appointment (next Monday) has been a 4 month wait, since Referral - Now Cancelled, due to Lockdown.

The Neurology Appointment is/ was to Investigate & Treat Nerve &/ or Tendon damage in my left hand - Which gave me numb fingers (no feeling) & loss of coordination in left hand.

I've already had my Gardening Service cancelled (due to Lockdown), after 2 month's wait - Now total 4 months wait (another 2 months).

Over 50's Fitness Class has been on break (no classes) for 6 weeks - 1st class back cancelled.

Well I can deal okay with that one - It's Minor & temporary, compared to the other (more major) setbacks.

Online Dating person was very rude, abrupt & interrogative - In several email (text) message exchanges (the worst this afternoon).

I'm so dissilusioned with Online Dating people's rude dismissive behaviour/ communication.

I feel like giving up on Online Dating altogether.

Need to find my Silver Lining (Somewhere) - I'm well overdue for a Silver Lining....

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember05 Feb 2021, 1:23 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember05 Feb 2021, 1:24 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Emelia8 - ha, i've always wanted straight hair. Yours sounds lovely, is it grey? mines salt n pepper. Hope you horrible flashbacks are less intense this year. Do you find when ya exhausted, there's less energy and anxiety is less? a kinda "don't care anymore" affect, or something. With the breast pain and burning they say is "inflammation" - are you taking OTC antiinflammatories? Or at least tumeric.
It's true, planning roadtrips and packing the van energises me, not sure why, but like it.
Yes, I can edit posts now but it's tricky I have to log out and back in each time and it doesn't always work. I only use mobile phone so maybe it's that.
Had my haircut, still long abovev the ears but shaved back half off. Whats with Holly? Why Surgery? It's so hard watching them suffering. Hope you don't lose her. Sorry ya losing sleep. My sleep hygiene needs attention but I'm not stressing about it.
💙💚💛🧡💔

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember05 Feb 2021, 2:23 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Eve7 😢 so much loss 💔(((((Hugzz))))) I donno how you're functioning. Major loss affects our ability to cope with stress... have to keep our path straight, self care xox

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