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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

2720 replies

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor03 Feb 2021, 9:57 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Well done @Former-Member 👍🌹

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor03 Feb 2021, 1:59 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Too many anniversaries @Former-Member It feels like 100 years ago I was married.

Thinking of you today and every other rotten day. My sister’s birthday on Friday and that’s it until April.

Big hugs

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor03 Feb 2021, 5:19 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Love hearing about your DIY daybed in the car @Former-Member ...and yes I truly appreciate how wonderful it is when we can do those things for ourselves and the effort it takes to do it 👍 I hope that means a road trip is on the cards soon Hon

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember04 Feb 2021, 9:34 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Clawde - I see you behind the 22 supports here this morning (wow, people are not usually that interested in what I have to say). Thank you. How are you? What have you been up to? (sorry but I need reminding about your history as it all gets pretty mushy upstairs these days LOL) What thread can i find your story? Are you well? Haven't seen you for a while.
I'm ok enough, pushing through a lot of physical pain these days, especially to get started (arthritis) but fine. Have a couple of exciting projects on the hop atm and organising my next roadtrip. Working on my van layout today. What are you up to? How's the weather there? Lovely here lately, below 30 and fresh breeze 🌄💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember04 Feb 2021, 9:55 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yes @Zoe7 just arranged with my son to visit him a couple of days and take the long trip home. I have a desire to sit on the beach, listen to the waves and become one with the sand. Well, at least listen to the waves all night on my comforte van bed 🤗

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember04 Feb 2021, 10:03 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Too many aniversaries at once indeed @Eve7 @ I'm embarrassed to ask but did your hubby and your sister pass away? I know you lost a beautiful baby girl. I'm sorry, don't want to trigger you. My headvisvfuzzy sndvibjust wanna understand in the moment.
I cut my hair myself this week, botched it, so made an apt with hairdresser today, might have to go short 😯 I donno

(sorry @@@Zoe7 I meant Eve7 but corrected it. Are you ok re tooth & work?)

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember04 Feb 2021, 10:18 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Emelia8 ✔️💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor04 Feb 2021, 10:23 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Eve7 ... see above post from @Former-Member ... I think it was meant for you, and not Zoe. 😊

Good morning @Former-Member

You cut your hair yourself this week I see. Hmmm, I did mine too ... only last night. But its okay. Mine is very simple, having long straight hair. Sorry you botched yours, but I'm sure the hairdresser can do something to help. Is your hair long too, or about shoulder length? Perhaps a new short cut can signal a new year. Lets see what the hairdresser comes up with. Short hair is easier in some respects, but often needs more styling. Which I'm not really into. I'm more of a wash and leave type of gal.

I'm glad you are planning a couple of days with your son in Brissy. Some time on the beach sounds lovely and somewhat restoring. Then a leisurely road trip back home via the long way, sounds like a good idea too.

Hoping you are feeling somewhat better, both emotionally and physically.

Emelia 🤗💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember04 Feb 2021, 10:42 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Emelia8 you 'get' it (where I'm at. I have long thick curly hair, got sick ofvi and tried to cut to a bob but oops! Bit of plain-jane myself, sick of styling, wash&dry ponytail... to keep it controlled, but I donno, frizzes less when short I'm really really tired Em 😢 But you must be feeling it yourself, burning skin & all as well fighting off any rogue cells (Hugzz) thanks for calling on wrong tag above, think I've fixed it now.
Gonna take a break a while. You have a restful day - you've earned it 💙🎖️

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

ClawdeSenior Contributor04 Feb 2021, 11:18 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks for the call @Former-Member

@Will chat later if that's :ok_hand:

On struggle street this week, just doing head miles again.

love to everyone

love from Clawde

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