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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

2720 replies

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor02 Feb 2021, 8:32 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Good morning lovely @Shaz51 😀

How are you feeling this morning @Former-Member ?

Emelia 😄🌹🐶💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember02 Feb 2021, 11:47 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi Em, I'm ok enough ta. Lot of pain though, walking, lower back & knee. Guess I overdid it yesterday (lifting) hobbled to toot before, feel old, and alone, so it's nice you've checked in. Furbaby comes up for cuddles too which helps. The syncope episode last night passed in about an hour (in bed), was pretty bad one thou..

Woke to an unknown landline call today... (from country NSW) who didn't leave a msg. Probably a scam. I don't pick up unknown numbers. Phone doesn't ring much.

Its myGIRLs funeral date tomorrow 😟 Trying to distract myself but its so hard to forget 😢

All the best today Em ?

Hi @ Shaz - Such a bother what you're going through with the house? And. Ya poor (((((mum))))) hugzz-n-hugzz to her. Hey, you're not driving ya mum crazy are you ? LOL

Thought you two lovelies would appreciate this pain rating comic.

Have a good day, Raining here so I'm going back to bed.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor02 Feb 2021, 4:29 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

💜💚💖💙❤️💛💜💚💖💙❤️💚

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Shaz51Senior Contributor02 Feb 2021, 9:17 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Eve7 , @Former-Member , I had a little BAT in my BOOT this afternoon

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor02 Feb 2021, 9:39 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh dear @Shaz51 I am sure you were kind to it. I have just killed a rat that was on our pontoon...don’t ask...I’m going to have ptsd!

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember03 Feb 2021, 1:26 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Rats, Bats, Burnt down houses and pontoon violence. 😟 Yikes! Who are you people? lol We sure do live in a broken, frightened and messed up difficult world 😭

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember03 Feb 2021, 1:31 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

What's going on? It's mid night, I've woken like wide awake actually WANTING to get up and get on with my day 😟 Oh no, just remembered how darbusevto do this, with his dementia, in the middle of the night... Sundowners the gerontologist called it 😕 yeah, right, that's all I need 😞

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember03 Feb 2021, 7:12 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

0530 - i've been up all night. It's my girls funeral date today... 10yrs now.. So many bad dates through the year now, let's just chuck out our calendars lol. This one Not as bad as the other dates but still vivid.

Grr! just had SIRENS galore here, again... sets off the neighbours dogs. Gets the mind racing, wondeing... whose going through what I had to 😢 . Yeterday's forever sirens were to save a young P plate driver who drove off bridge into the Greek... just read about it online, he's ok apparently.

@Eve7 thinking of you today, thanks for all the hearts yesterday 💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor03 Feb 2021, 8:10 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Dear @Former-Member

Another trauma anniversary for you ... your girls funeral date is a tough one indeed, and memories will be very vivid of all that happened on that day. Yes wouldnt that be nice to be able to throw out all the calendars! Unfortunately you dont need a calendar for your heart and your being to realise that you are in the midst of a traumatic anniversary. Its within us.

Sorry to hear that you were disturbed by more sirens overnight. Glad to hear the young P plater was okay.

I am thinking of you today @Former-Member and sending much love and understanding to you. As well as that big hug you need.

Emelia 💓🤗🌸🕊

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember03 Feb 2021, 9:48 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thank You @Emela8 I'm having a big cleanout to distract. (3 big bags to go) Hope your last radiation and drive goes well. I'll pop over your thread later. Thanks again 💕

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